the entree to ENTREE TO LOVE

Happy New Year love bugs

Well, I am so excited to be shifting my writing focus onto something a little more lighthearted and hopefully more fun this year. 

I've actually kicked off the new year feeling really fresh and it's amazing how many people have actually said to me "jan, this is your year".  Like have literally come to me and said it. I'll high five that. Thank you very much, please have my year delivered to the door in daily fun installments.... cause it's MY FUCKING YEAR!

I've even written it on a giant post it....that's how much of a year it's going to be for me and I am adding the things that I want to achieve.

 

I was thinking about the writing project I just finished and it was amazing how as cathartic as it was, it was also something that kept my mind thinking and thinking about how I would interpret each piece of written work.  It was quite exhausting (but fun). The topics weren't heavy but the road I was taking seemed to be.  In fact it was bloody heavy at times, but that was then and this is now and it feels like I have lifted this massive weight off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, I thought about quitting numerous times, but I am so glad I didn't.  It was a journey that gave me more than I ever expected on a level of personal growth and freedom.

So what now?  What on earth would a spunky, funny, sassy, single in the city kinda girl want to turn her attention to? What could it possibly be? Have a guess? That's right, it's love.  LOVE
elle
ohhh
veee
eeeeeeekkkk
spells LOVE.

As I have navigated single life the past couple of years, the thing I was hoping for was to meet a nice fella and go on a journey.  What happened though, is that I met a few fellas, some good, some bad, some good/bad and some downright ugly and the journey's reflected said good, bad and ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean who the fuck are you, kind of ugly. Trust me, the screen shot folder in my phone is full of candid camera moments, from dick pics, to messages, to screen shots of people's profiles that have just left me laughing and horrified and wondering 'who the fuck are you people"?  I know who you people are......you are NOT my people! Bet you are all dying to see some of those. Anyway, don't sweat the small stuff right, I am an expert with the block button and this time has given me the strength, reflection, patience and desire to consider what it is I want and the type of person who I want in my life. And I am 100% sure of what I don't want and 100% sure of what I do want.

 

In defense of the highlighter guy, he was asking what my shoe size was......but why the fuck would he want to know that? Hello freaky mcshoefetish face.

What's been interesting though is that I have not met one man in the offline environment. That has been the case always with me. They just don't gravitate towards me and when I do meet men from online, they can't believe that I and single and don't have guys swarming around me like I'm the queen bee luring them to the honey pot. There's been no response to my upturned bananas in the shopping trolley, or feeling the ripeness of my melons in the fruit shop.....nada, zilch. zero.

Even though my online conversion rate hasn't been fantastic - the ghosts, the breadcrumbers, the stinky catfishers, the married, the flakes, the can't be arsed and as sad as that is, the face to face conversion has been nada...zilch....zero. I could walk through the valley of the men dolls while naked, handing out free tickets to sporting events and beers and I would wager a hundred bucks that they wouldn't even notice. Maybe that's a little far fetched, but you get the idea.  N.Z.Z. 

If it wasn't for the world of online dating, who knows how the fuck I would meet anyone and get my social needs met. How do I change that face to face interest?  That's going on my list.  I am wondering though if there are rules against joining a nunnery after your cherry has been popped?  Maybe that's a business venture to consider for women considering a career change when the cloak of invisibility has been thrown their way and their popped cherry's become something in the dried fruit aisle. Only useful to make a Christmas pudding, and shit Christmas has gone and they have to wait another 12 months for the fruit to be soaked so to speak.

So dating has been an hilarious part of my water cooler conversations at work and out of work, with belly laughs a plenty that come when we discuss said good, bad and the ugly and my newly coined N.Z.Z.

My kicker came when I was stood up by the same guy twice after he initiated contact and the catch ups he arranged.  Happy to give someone the "make a fake excuse once", but twice just doesn't cut it and with that I was kind of propelled to think about this whole dating and love bizzo and what I could possibly do different to ensure I win the prize that I have my eye on. And that prize is to be shot by cupids big fat arrow right slap bang in the middle of my heart.💘💘💘💘💘💘💘 so it sprays bursts of red heart glitter everywhere with each pounding beat.

Through my conversations with others, there is an undeniable desire for people wanting to connect with others in the flesh, before they flash the flesh and get their flesh all hot and sweaty. Think old fashioned dating.  It was a thing once and maybe everything old needs to be new again. People I know really want to find something more meaningful and to step out from behind the keyboard and interact in person. The online world has gone mad and it is bloody hard work, with not a lot of return on investment. People are fatigued by it, and what I have noticed is that it's an ego boosting tool when you match with someone and that person never initiates or returns a simple message.  "Hey, look, someone likes me" and then.....N.Z.Z

So following my kicker, I was propelled to put on my thinking cap and take matters into my own hands and come up with an idea.  I am reaching out to people I know who are single and have single friends who also have single friends and see if I can bring us all together.  Not like keys in a bowl kind of way, but in a like meets like kind of way. Think of it like the right kind of love virus to keep spreading.

When I floated my idea with my sister, she also thought it was a winner so I am sharing with you ENTREE TO LOVE, my idea to bring people together with food and genuine opportunity to meet and interact in a safe real time space. I see it suited to those who are over online dating, are wanting to meet someone special, make new friends of same and opposite sex or to take those first scary steps back into the dating world without being slapped down by the BS that comes with one of the few either expensive and nasty, cheap and nasty or free and nasty sites that are swamping the market.  I wanna keep it real people, because I am real.

When the name came up there wasn't one hashtag, the name wasn't taken, so I took it as a sign from the love gods and I am running with it.

And here's how I want to do it.  I want to combine my love of vegetarian food and cooking, communicating, creativity, warmth and happiness, passion for people and love of love to see if I can make a difference to those like me who really want to find another loving soul to be with and are open to whatever may come along.

It's not a matchmaking service (although I have a few success stories there) but it will be an even mix of men and women and I will only ask for a small cost (like 30 bucks) to cover the food that I will arrange for the gathering.  It may be dinner at my home, a picnic in the park or who the fuck knows what hair brain idea may pop into my head.  It will also be alcohol free.  I am not anti-alcohol, but think that it's a great idea to keep things clear headed when we being considerate of other people and their feelings.

And that's it.  I am holding my first one on Saturday 20th January and will schedule as interest dictates, but at least one a month.

You can follow along, or contact me for more information through

Entree to Love instagram
Facebook page
or email me  at entreetolove@hotmail.com

I look forward to sharing some some stories, and recipes and adventures and anything that will make its way to Entree to Love and I hope that you go through your friends list and friendzone list and consider whether people you know are ready for something like this, or if you would love to be a part of it.

And with that, hello 2018 and hello to love.....it's gonna be my year and hopefully yours as well, especially if you have been looking for love in all the wrong places. xxxx

hello wooorrrrlllddd - i'm back, now let's get our tantra on!

so facebook, the keeper of all things of importance has advised me today that it's been 183 days since i posted onto my page - that's 183 days since i sat down and wrote anything.  i'm not sure why i stopped, but i just seemed to have so much going on that each week this would just get pushed back and back till eventually it stalled.  there might have been a bit of blogging burnout thrown in there as well. Regardless of how big or small your blog is, it requires commitment and thought. and quite frankly, i just couldn't commit or think....but i am back, i think!

last year was a fun one though, as i continued to settle into melbourne life and find my feet and of course, fashion featured heavily.

highlights - i turned 50 and took my clothes off down by the yarra on my birthday eve at the suggestion of mr x. they say that timing is everything and the backdrop was to die for, unlike my white bridget jones undies, but mr x was instrumental in making my birthday week a great part of my life story so i stripped down. i guess that's what spontaneity is about, being in the moment regardless and that white underwear was what it was.

i also had quite a bit of hot sex (most of it with mr x) and went on a journey of sexploration. but in order to do that, i needed to challenge a part of my moral makeup that i had been guided by for most part of my life and i did it willingly without guilt or inhibitions, and that was very empowering. yep, i bonked a 27 year old - bet you weren't expecting to read that mum, but i'm not ageist and i'm gonna make choices depending on how i feel, not on what others think. and it became apparent to me, that i am a seriously hot mumma - only took how many years? but i am still scratching my head, with my extended middle finger as to why some men of various ages, think it's okay to engage with woman with such demeaning and totally inappropriate greetings and behaviours. Fella's it isn't and never will be a turn on to get a pick of your sad little peen or to be just sexually objectified. eeewww

i know that probably seems kinda weird for a woman standing in her underwear on the banks of the yarra to be talking about sexual objectification, but i did that for liberation.

i also learnt to salsa dance. this was a total blast and it will continue this year, with the aim of doing it as a more social thing.  it's quite daunting to put all those lessons into practice with strangers who will hopefully be understanding if i mix up my inside and outside turn, confuse my hammerlocks with my copas....but i'll keep plugging on regardless.

my use of time was also a constant thought in my mind and i was reminded by my friend Elena, that time is the only thing i will never get more of, so i have plastered a few giant post its around my place to remind me every time i walk past or look up from my technology that i should use my time more wisely.  a giant post it is also a great way to get stuff out of your head that is bothering you.  put it on the wall and let it just do its thing and make its way to your subconscious where it become second nature.

i picked up my paintbrush - a very good use of time.  so therapeutic and there will be more of that happening.

i got divorce papers from the man whose life i apparently ruined, when i chose not to be a verbal and emotional punching bag any more and the man who could never love or live happily again, but is getting married to a woman he met on tinder 5 weeks after we officially parted ways... we agreed to discuss divorce if it every became relevant - guess it became relevant. A joint application is only a joint application if the other party knows about it....just sayin! And i finally had the courage to tell that man to GO FUCK HIMSELF...i wanted to say that for so so long, cause being guilted, even after all this time is just not on. passive-aggressive behaviour is not the new black. (I think i probably have a whole other blog post about living in the shadow of overbearing men - save that for another day). but good luck to him for maybe finding the one who will make those poor behaviors become redundant. 

i drove the great ocean road in my convertible - that was a blast and have since gone on to sell my car.  it was serving me no purpose as i can ride my pushie, walk or catch the tram across the road which takes me to my 2 favourite places - doc pizza and tiamo italian restaurant. #winning 

i discovered that i really liked being on the back of a harley. vroom vroom. my convertible was great, and i think i might need to invest in a scooter so i can have my own vroom vroom.

my beautiful son outed himself as a codeine addict and reached out for help.  he's now under my caring watchful wing taking all steps possible to recover by relocating here for a while as he gets back on his feet. kudos to him for taking the hardest step, cause it's not a quick fix and not something i am an expert in managing, but we will take one step at a time.  i told him that i can't be on the playing field with him, but will be there cheering him on from the sidelines, as he takes this part of his life journey.

i re-read this book again (only about the 4th time) but it drives me to be mindful about how i choose to live my life - either living in a pit having pity parties, or embracing and making the most of every moment and challenge that i encounter. 

oh and my sewing machine broke down #sadface. that was a bitch! but it's back and ready to stitch up some goody good janijans designs again. 

goodbye 2016. hello 2017.

so as i headed into 2017, i was thinking about the year ahead and some of the things i want to achieve.  i haven't made a TO DO list or any resolutions - only to be more awesome maybe, but rather a TO BE list and that's where the tantra comes in.  i want to practice more conscious living and hopefully loving...so tantra is my mantra. i don't want to just DO, i want to BE and i want to continue to become an even better version of myself.

i want to BE a better human - for me and those around me
i want to be a better salsa dancer
i want to be out of my comfort zone
i want to be open to all opportunities

and "TO BE" requires conscious living in relation to thoughts and actions. sure i can switch on the autopilot but i don't want that to be what gets me to my destination. i want to take charge.

But there are a few things on my TO DO list and most relate to human connection. i want to connect with more people and as i have reflected on this late last year, a post popped up in my facebook feed from humans of new york.  it was about a woman who moved to a new city and thought that everything would just happen, just because she was in that new space that it would all come together. (no no no no no - it doesn't work that way).....she said that "relationships don't just happen because i exist" and i had that moment of wow, i want to dig deeper and work harder to consciously connect with others.  i need to reach out and make more effort in order for this part of my life to fill.  It doesn't come naturally to me to talk to strangers, but i'm gonna fake it till i make it.

I'm going to continue to support my son with his addiction recovery and it seems timely to finish off my project of not sweating the small stuff - dang - there's not that many chapters to go and it's gonna help ground me a bit.  i've never had to assist someone with addiction before, so it's paramount that i take care of me, so i can be on my A game. Maybe focussing on this will help, as it did when i was going through major life change previously.

and what's this.....a ukulele.  yes i am going to learn to play this gorgeous blue instrument and hope to find space for an electric piano. playing piano was one of the first things in my life that i really new i wanted to do even before i ever had a piano and dang i miss it.

so, here's a few other things on my list
- talk to at least 3 strangers every day
- smile at more people - this is a genuine connection that may make a difference to somebody's day
- start writing again - tick!
- be fearless
- say yes to almost everything
- continue to play by my own rules
- be more empowered and pave the way for those who want to get out of their comfort zone
- don't accept less then what i deserve as a woman and a human
- learn to network
- help bring others together - yes, i have a plan.  at work i am called the glue.  i didn't give myself that name, but seems i have an ability make things happen and keep people connected.  i want to explore this more.
- to let the universe do what it does best and be open to it.
- and to find love that flows freely and joyously.  as humans it's our evolution to be loved and give love and the time is now right for me to give what's in my heart and mind to someone who wants to have this ball of joy and fun in their life.

yep, there's a lot of me me me here, but this is my journey and as that book why wait to be great says, we write a life story that can be filled with so many experiences, both amazing and difficult and i want my story to be amazing even when i have to navigate through the rough parts.

So, i pose the question, how do you intend to fill the chapters of your life story. hopefully there is something here that may resonate or inspire you to look at your world differently and to reach beyond your comfort zone and create an amazing story going forward.  go for it.!

the sunday session 26 and 27 - love makes the world go round

i have this love hate relationship with online dating...you all know that right!

I hate it because i honestly didn't feel that i would find myself in a place whereby i had tap into this wild way of meeting potential dates and eventually maybe find myself in a new loving relationship. i hate it because some of the men out there don't know how to be kind or nice, or even gentlemanly. i hate it because i wonder if love is just becoming a string of transactional encounters with no substance at all. 

i love it because it provides an endless string of laughs that just keep me entertained no end but you do have to have a bit of a tough shell, so as not to take anything too personally. 

there are some lovely genuine men out there, who i have some great conversations with and who i have met and i can assure them, that i would never kiss and tell out of pure respect for our privacy.

i am all about witty banter and not being too serious. i don't want to go for long walks on the beach, or drives in the country, i want to make friends (of both sexes), go for some drinks, have fun conversation, be a bit silly have a dance and be in the moment and i think my online profile below kind of sums me up.  here's what it says. 

I'm looking to make genuine connections and get out and meet some new people and have a drink, chat, dance and laugh till we burst.

I'm vegetarian. genuine. iq + eq. smiling. coffee. salsa daggy & disco dancer. pool. fun. funny. fashion. happy. laughter. creative. free spirit. healthy. youthful. in the now. kind and super nice.

i dont do hook ups so don't even ask.

170cm non smoker

so that's it...... simple and to the point......unlike me!

what i want to share today is a string of messages i got from a guy a while back.  there is nothing here to give away his details, but this and a few messages from others was part of the reason i wrote about being the wife who left.  and wow, and that was probably the most freeing moment in my journey.

so, here's what happened.  I received an absolutley lovely message from the guy early one morning.  i replied with an equally lovely message and back and forth we went a few times. i eventually decided to give him my number and told him i wasn't really into sitting at home all day waiting for online messages in my inbox and he understood that. so the day went on.  i eventually texted him in the evening - a lovely simple message and left it at that. 

i awoke to a barrage of messages all of which floored me but also made me gut laugh till i cried and i decided that this deserves to be framed and put up on my wall and of course shared with my friends and also with any dates, as we discuss our online dating fails.   enjoy. 

Message 1

Hey... You... See your still up... ? I'm not on here alot like you... ?... But I Must say.... Your very interesting... In a good way... So let's get past all this... ? And how about you just call me !!@@ or are you To scared or to up tight to call me... I'm just waiting for you to surprise me.. ?

Message 2

Waiting on you Sexy lady ????

Message 3

P.s. it was nice to see that we both engaged in the norm as far as getting to understand each other... But I know you will puss me in ways that I've never been before... And I love it ??? I just want to jump into you... Your so yummy... And I just want to take a big bite out of you ?.... In all the right places... !

Message 4

Now you're going to say what an ass hole... And you would be write ?... But I've had afew drinks... So I hope you will forgive for the spelling and the .... Real thing that I would like to express to you ?.... Witch is.... I want to make love to you in so many ways.... And I think you really have a amazing body Jan....

Message 5

What a cave man ??? ... Geeze ?

Message 6

If you never want to text me back ,??? I will so understand.... After reading what I've tried to express ?... It didn't come out the right way ?

message 7

Over 5. O emoji, emoji, emoji

I read all of these and couldn't help but to piss myself laughing. i responded to this guy and told him i was floored speechless and i hope that when he woke up he had a hangover so bad that it killed all of these cave man style brain cells and then went about my business.

he texted me later (cause he had my number didn't he) and couldn't apologise enough.  he was embarrassed and said he would never like to think his daughter or anyone else would think he was like this..... i said apology accepted and we swapped a few more messages and i then cut him off when it because more obvious then the messages above that he was as needy as fuck..

speaking of needy, lets move on to some fashion.

i've had a busy couple of weeks, so am combining my last 2 weeks of looks.

hot look of the week was my leopard and stripy combo with the brown boots.

the faux pearl necklaces are eons old and to add some more spunk to the look, i clipped on a couple of flower hair accessories. bingo - spunky as fuck.

and last week my fave look was my jeans and chinese top combo.  i picked up this beautiful top in chinatown new york back in the year 2000.  i remember the day.  i paid 42 dollars for it (it seemed like a fortune for a cheapskate like me) but have never regretted it for a second.  

anyway that is it for the week - i got to get on with my day......  

i've nearly been in melbourne a year - can you believe that and i have to say, things are really starting to take off in so many way.....i love it and cant wait to share more as i seek out adventures and opportunities to fulfill my sweet life.  after all, i am the only one who can make things happen.

the sunday session 6 - chop chop

WTF - it's the sunday session and i am already at wednesday! first up, here's all my spunky looks from the week and i am out and loud calling them spunky. there's a few pieces from the huudaverti sunset collection which i am loving to wear and share pics of, along with pieces i made myself.

i also ran into Connie - i don't know her, but i stopped her and said how fab she looked and insisted she post with me.

she was all no no no, but i think she's a pro, as no sooner was the camera pointed, she decided to hide her walking stick.  she's a fashion shark.  loved her.

for me personally i was again torn between 2 looks.  my huudaverti shirred skirt (cause it felt amazing and gave me sky high legs) and my jeans and plaid shirt, but i am going to have to debrief on the jeans and plaid number, cause it was one of those outfits that just made me feel amazing. not that i don't feel amazing in huudaverti, but the reality is that i am huudaverti all the time - the woman who wants to stand out in the crowd.

i am someone who just loves to create and am always looking for ways to do things differently - that relates to my work and of course my fashion - call it process improvement. and there was a lot of process improvement in the plaid shirt that's for sure.  i bought the shirt back in 2012 from coles at fairfield in brissy and it featured on my blog post - guess whose mum. that's a blast from the past.....and haven't i come a long way, especially in the hair growth area.

and the shirt is back, better than ever in 2016.

casual friday is the work day of the week when i can wear jeans - i love jeans. and on this particular friday, i didn't feel like wearing just a t-shirt, but wanted something a bit more structured and if you follow my instagram, you will see that i very rarely wear anything with collars and buttons.  it conflicts with my sense of freedom.

as i was getting dressed, i saw the shirt and thought, gee, i would love to wear it, but it's summer and the sleeves are bulky - being men's and all - i decided to just cut the fuckers off.  trick was to cut on the sleeve side, so it left a nice clean finished edge. the shirt went on, the buttons got done up and i felt pretty dang fine.  to move it from masculine to femine, i added the red high heels, some fun earrings and popped my hair up.

so apart from enrolling in the next level of salsa dancing i didn't do much apart from have to deal with a couple of ninkumpoops on dating sites - like this guy...

and this one- class act. hiding behind an online profile is no excuse to degrade any woman and i for one, won't stand for it.  it's totally uncool and i have to wonder how they treat the women in their lives and how they want the women in their lives to be treated by other men.  scary.

let's bring it back to the fashion, it's far less hideous.

sometimes we have stuff in our wardrobe that you may think is no longer fashionable, but why not think outside the norm and find a way to give it a new lease of life.  it's amazing what some safety pins, or some knots, ribbons or even a pair of carefully placed scissors can do to give an outfit a new twist, as i did witth some of these looks.

 

go forth and explore the possibilities. pull it up, pull it down, turn it round, inside out, and let your fashion creativity shine. ciao fashionista sistas!

the sunday session - 2

well, i am still feeling a bit of withdrawal from not doing my what i wore project.  sniff sniff. but that hasn't stopped me from looking fabulous.

last week i had a highlight - i went on a date....yes, a "date". i didn't call it a date, cause that implies it's a date - what is a fucking date anyway.....apart from a piece of fruit that is dry and chewy and even when in something sticky isn't that great.  i also had a lowlight, but i might talk about that when i do my next don't sweat the small stuff blog.

I really like the idea of just going for a "catch-up" as my friend Elena calls it.  one hour - a catchup - the time it takes to have a productive meeting and decide what outcomes you need to deliver - if any. do you need to schedule another meeting to resolve the issue, or in my case do you need some action items in order to move forward.

So I need some action items and it involves realising what it is i want.  And again, i call on my friend Elena, who doesn't want to find herself in another 10 years unable to explore the great things that there is to explore, because you would never want a zimmer frame to get in the way.  I need to see what's out there.  i had a child at 19, married young, divorced young, felt unbelievable pain and zero self confidence till i reached my 30's and even then i didn't skyrocket but i started to skyrocket later in life (never was one for convention) and now in my late 40's i want to challenge every part of me and explore things i never did before, because of my fears. i want to enjoy the company of the opposite sex and this isn't about having sex (ooops i said the sexy word or about having to feel that my life is incomplete without a significant other), but about having fun, and flirting and growing and enjoying life with someone of the opposite gender.

so over the weekend, i decided to dig a little deeper into my soul cause i really do think i must be giving off/given off the wrong energy to men cause honestly, i cannot seem to engage men in any way - apart from sleazy online mentions and my barista when he looks at me with a raised eyebrow when i ask for something different than a 3/4 soy latte. maybe i need to swap the janergy to manergy and see if that makes a difference.  but i don't want to end up like the reverse Caitlyn Jenner, cause that's not the aim of the game.

so, i'm gonna open it up right here, right now. i have always had a fear of people not liking me - especially MEN (i have my reasons, but it's time to move on)  How Fucking Stupid Is That - the most likable person on the planet and when i shared this with my friend Elena (who i have referenced plenty of times here), she had the light bulb moment and then i had the light bulb moment and i went right, better do something about that then...

the best way to face a fear is to tackle it head on. so i got a piece of paper and exorcised some fears from my subconscious.  this is so teenage, but after being advised by my EAP'er last year to write shit down, i did it.  NOTE: if you can get past the airy fairy and put that stuff that is chasing its tail around in your head down on paper, two things can happen.

1. you look at the problem objectively - thus seeing it for what it is - a blip on the life radar
2. you move it to the external drive (the paper) where it then frees up the space in your mind for other stuff, such as creating space to face your fears.

once they were on paper - i burned those mother fuckers.

so with that, i am challenging myself to be open to all possibilities and the beauty is that i am in the driver's seat.  i can switch it up a gear, hit the brakes,  pull over to the side and tell the passenger to get out any time and that is totally cool.  i am making all the road rules and if the sat nav doesn't take me to the destination, then that's fine i may have seen some great landscape on the way and i can always re-route.

i love a light bulb moment, cause not only does it create a spark that gives you an Adrenalin burst, but it also lights the way to see what lies ahead and for me that's going to be working my janergy as i continue to dig deeper into my soul and uncover the many layers that this life has to offer me.

challenge yourself - it's amazing how it paves the way from scary unknown to the "oh my god, i am so glad i did".

stay tuned.

the what i wore project - week 47

deck the halls with boughs of holly - it's freaken christmas everywhere.

you all know how much i love living in the city and i live near the crown casino - which is great - not because i want to gamble or check out the fleet of Ferrari and Lamborghini  - but because there's a super gelato shop out on the promenade.  today i decided to go for a chocolate/lemon gelato and decided to cut through the casino and oh my god - the only thing missing was santa and james packer (actually maybe he will dress up as santa and mariah could be his little elf) wouldn't that be cute. the foyer was bonkers with decorations, carols and people.  and what does this have to do with fashion - well nothing really, unless we get to see james and mariah putting their own spin on christmas attire - or it could mean that my project is coming to the end of the year.

I know it's only a month and a bit till christmas and i have no idea what i will do over this time.  it's the first time i am away from family and on my own, but that's okay, i still have a few weeks to think about that, but until then, here's this weeks looks.

i loved this week's looks and the week was made even better by meeting some new people and going out dancing.  damn it was GOOD! and just by getting out of my comfort zone, i made change happen again.

and here's a round up of the fashion

monday was vintage dress from SWOP, belt gifted from a friend, shoes from whittner

tuesday i dug out my satinny green palazzo pants and teamed them with my floral top (split at the sides) a sequined belt and my shoes from famous footwear.  the pants, belt and top were all made by me.

wednesday - again an outfit made by me (i must really love sewing yeah?)  this was a pattern clash and boy do i love a good pattern clash.  i love to put the unexpected together.  the shoes are from mollini and the belt is just a piece of ribbon from spotlight tied around my waist.

thursday - what can i say - another dress made by me.  i do however look like the colours of instagram, but that's okay, instagram should be impressed, that i dress like them.  shoes are from betts and the necklace is from katies.

on thursday night i was invited out to a wine tasting in south melbourne, which could explain why i didn't do too much razzle dazzle on friday, cause i had too much razzle dazzle on thursday night at rose tasting and was feeling a little tired an emotional....but that was sorted with a rejuvenator juice.

friday was casual day and rejuvenation day and that meant jeans, converse and a white t from target.

saturday was a bit chilly, so i chucked on my jo mercer boots, target jeans, an old long sleeve T and the pompom velvet top and a sequined belt that i made myself.  the top was made from a left over piece of fabric. i didn't use a pattern, but just decided to cut a hole for the neck and sew down the side seams.  yes mum, i did put binding round the neck line.....

on sunday, i was sick of wearing my denim jeans and remembered i had these gold jeans from target in the cupboard. the top is old, i sequined the lee vest and the havaianas are from byron bay.

how amazing is that buddha - there's a whole landscape of this stuff down at a business in a back street in south melbourne.  isn't it great.

i have kept it short and sweet this week, because to be honest i was pretty buggered from writing my blog about the horror of online dating and you can read about that one here.  if you are a single woman going through the joy of the virtual world, then you are sure to relate.  it's a nightmare out there.

happy week everyone.

the joys of online dating

after declaring my intentions to date here, the time has come to open the door to my life of dating or lack there of. but you have to start somewhere hey! and only by being totally open to all opportunities and out of my comfort zone will i be able to jump into the ratio that is about 1 billion single women to every 2 single men. i haven't had to think about this for 10 years, and i have no idea where to start but it's going to be the most obvious - online, single groups and chance meetings. luckily, my "yes man" philosophy is sitting well and i guess dating is no different to anything else in our life - work, hobbies - if you keep your mind open to any possibility, then who knows what can happen and that may require a big step away from that comfortable feeling that we all know and love.

last night i went to a meetup group (more about that another time) and there was a person there who said they drove to the event and sat in their car for half an hour before they could bring themself to walk into a room full of single strangers.  no, it wasn't me. but i did have my moment of fear as i walked into the unknown, but i managed that with a "fuck it, just do it" outlook, after all, we are all just people what is there to possibly be scared of.....

on that occasion there was nothing to worry about, unlike the recent horror of online dating that i have been exploring. when i met my ex husband 10 years ago online there was no facebook, no tinder, or POF, or ok cupid - but there was rsvp and match and gee it seemed simpler then.

online dating is really going into the unknown, cause there is no instant connection, and with so many scammers out there, you don't even know if the person who has contacted you is real.  i love reverse google image - you right click and check the image, and it can be a good way to check if there is potentially some level of truth in the person you are about to correspond with.  online dating now is cray cray and here is what i was met with when i put a profile online a few months back. honestly, the things that women have to deal with in the real and virtual world is unbelievable. thanks goodness i have a ridiculous sense of humour.

WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT.

i am an opened minded woman with a clear checklist of what i am looking for in a man.
1. single
2. single
3. respectful
4. straight
5 age appropriate
6 single
7 funny, funny is good
8 in my vicinity
9 romance would be nice
10 not to be a dickhead

i think that's reasonable yeah?  many men online don't have the word "relationship' in their looking for area of their profile matching, they are looking for miss right now and as a woman, if i don't have the word "relationship" in my profile, then you become a magnet for the hook up crew. i think these men who are only looking for "nothing serious" are probably going to end up very lonely old men with a tired hand.

well here is what greeted me on my first online encounter after 10 years

THERE REALLY IS GRAPHIC CONTENT

i woke up to a message from a 24 year old - yes - 24 that's like half my age....
"i want to F*&K you so hard" (total romancer - i am thinking. that's a lovely way to start my day, but could i at least brush my teeth to get rid of morning breath and the horror that i just breathed in when i read that)
he then sent another message the next day
"i want to lick your p*&sy (But i don't have a cat and if i did, i am pretty sure it wouldn't want to be licked by a 24 year old) i know cats like to lick themself and that's okay, because it's their choice.
BLOCKED mr 24 year old.  hoorooh!

and then there was the 19 year old
him: hey
me: probs not
him: not even for a night of fun
me: no, i've got stretch marks older than you.

oh another one - 18
you want to come over
sure, just check with your parents if it's okay.

the young ones just keep coming and if they are hoping for a mrs robinson moment, then they better be prepared for disappointment cause as much as i love leopard print, i don't have a matching bra and undies set.

let's get a bit more age appropriate hey
the 67 year old man
he contacted me and said that he didn't realise that there was online dating 10 years ago
i said yes there was and even before then
he said, i get that, do you get me.

oh for fucks sake. like i know i am no spring chicken, but really, i like to dance and run and be silly and i need someone who isn't living in a caravan in a retirement village.

who want's more - cause there is more...
a 22 year old messaged to tell me how lovely my smile was
thanks i said.
he then asked if i wanted a night of fun
no thanks i said
would it make a difference if i said i had an 8" cock
yes it would, i said, it would tell me that you are a fuckwit who only wants to sexually harass women.

now speaking of cocks.....

this guy is wasting his talent - he should be earning the big bucks doing pornos.

i've also had a cross dresser checking me out - but i think that he is just after fashion tips.

there have been plenty of global and local masterminds - the hello dear, it's so lovely to meet you dear, the hi hun, the hey sexy, distance doesn't matter we are destined to be together - oh PULEASE. my bullshit monitor is going into the red zone.

and don't forget the guys who get annoyed if you don't respond in a split second.  i have a life that doesn't revolve around this.  i had one guy get annoyed because i didn't message him back straight away.  you could have just messaged to say you would reply later...FFS if i was going to get up from my eyelash extension appointment and write that to you, i would probably have just sent you a message.

i've also been asked to meet guys in bars at night and of course that's what every smart, responsible respectful woman does, isn't it?

and have there been any success stories - not so much, but i have had some people just stopping by to say i look lovely, or i dress nice and could teach some of the other women on dating sites about how to look decent.

oh and i got these

 

and have i gone on any actual dates?  well i met up with one man.  the was no click, but he was respectful both on and offline and that's a good start.

now this one has to be the weirdest of all. a guy messaged me and challenged me about something in my profile and of course my courteous response was "get lost". zero in common, he offended me from the start, WTF. as i had my instagram profile linked to this site, he could obviously see my outfits and and some locations i was taking them in and he started to comment on my outfits and began to check in on me to see how i was. he became far less offensive and far more genuine.

one day he told me to step away from the bronwyn oliver.  this magnificent sculpture is in the residents block at freshwater place and i was talking to the concierge that morning and she said that the sculptor had sadly taken her life not long after doing this piece.

so clearly this guy had some connection to the arts as he recognised the piece straight away.  it became kind of an ice breaker, but as i started to get settled into find a place, i didn't spend much time online cause i figured that having a place to live was higher up on the list than dating.  so i didn't hear from him again or from anyone for that matter.

when my son was visiting last month, we had dinner in town and i was going to walk to the restaurant, but he suggested i take the city loop train. i had heard of this phenomenon that is the city loop, but never used it until that day.  i headed off and asked directions from the station staff as to where i catch it and as i made my way to the platform, a guy stopped and started calling me - you, i know you, yes i know you.  oh no, i have a random guy yelling at me in the subway.

i said, sorry, i have no idea who you are, he insisted that i did and i said nope, i don't. well you know me he said.  it was the guy from online - the statue guy.  he didn't even have a photo that showed his whole face on his profile, so i had to put the puzzle together.  we had a great conversation in the subway and swapped numbers.

this chance meeting happened on the same day that i decided to totally close of the previous chapter of my life.

well,  i am not sure that online dating will be the right forum for me but this was certainly a strange encounter and one that left me with a belief that the universe works in mysterious ways.

so i will continue to see whether there are actually any age appropriate, genuine, respectful, single, funny guys out there in the virtual world who will be worth responding to, but they gotta start the conversation with better manners than they have been.

next stop is meeting people in the real world.