hello wooorrrrlllddd - i'm back, now let's get our tantra on!

so facebook, the keeper of all things of importance has advised me today that it's been 183 days since i posted onto my page - that's 183 days since i sat down and wrote anything.  i'm not sure why i stopped, but i just seemed to have so much going on that each week this would just get pushed back and back till eventually it stalled.  there might have been a bit of blogging burnout thrown in there as well. Regardless of how big or small your blog is, it requires commitment and thought. and quite frankly, i just couldn't commit or think....but i am back, i think!

last year was a fun one though, as i continued to settle into melbourne life and find my feet and of course, fashion featured heavily.

highlights - i turned 50 and took my clothes off down by the yarra on my birthday eve at the suggestion of mr x. they say that timing is everything and the backdrop was to die for, unlike my white bridget jones undies, but mr x was instrumental in making my birthday week a great part of my life story so i stripped down. i guess that's what spontaneity is about, being in the moment regardless and that white underwear was what it was.

i also had quite a bit of hot sex (most of it with mr x) and went on a journey of sexploration. but in order to do that, i needed to challenge a part of my moral makeup that i had been guided by for most part of my life and i did it willingly without guilt or inhibitions, and that was very empowering. yep, i bonked a 27 year old - bet you weren't expecting to read that mum, but i'm not ageist and i'm gonna make choices depending on how i feel, not on what others think. and it became apparent to me, that i am a seriously hot mumma - only took how many years? but i am still scratching my head, with my extended middle finger as to why some men of various ages, think it's okay to engage with woman with such demeaning and totally inappropriate greetings and behaviours. Fella's it isn't and never will be a turn on to get a pick of your sad little peen or to be just sexually objectified. eeewww

i know that probably seems kinda weird for a woman standing in her underwear on the banks of the yarra to be talking about sexual objectification, but i did that for liberation.

i also learnt to salsa dance. this was a total blast and it will continue this year, with the aim of doing it as a more social thing.  it's quite daunting to put all those lessons into practice with strangers who will hopefully be understanding if i mix up my inside and outside turn, confuse my hammerlocks with my copas....but i'll keep plugging on regardless.

my use of time was also a constant thought in my mind and i was reminded by my friend Elena, that time is the only thing i will never get more of, so i have plastered a few giant post its around my place to remind me every time i walk past or look up from my technology that i should use my time more wisely.  a giant post it is also a great way to get stuff out of your head that is bothering you.  put it on the wall and let it just do its thing and make its way to your subconscious where it become second nature.

i picked up my paintbrush - a very good use of time.  so therapeutic and there will be more of that happening.

i got divorce papers from the man whose life i apparently ruined, when i chose not to be a verbal and emotional punching bag any more and the man who could never love or live happily again, but is getting married to a woman he met on tinder 5 weeks after we officially parted ways... we agreed to discuss divorce if it every became relevant - guess it became relevant. A joint application is only a joint application if the other party knows about it....just sayin! And i finally had the courage to tell that man to GO FUCK HIMSELF...i wanted to say that for so so long, cause being guilted, even after all this time is just not on. passive-aggressive behaviour is not the new black. (I think i probably have a whole other blog post about living in the shadow of overbearing men - save that for another day). but good luck to him for maybe finding the one who will make those poor behaviors become redundant. 

i drove the great ocean road in my convertible - that was a blast and have since gone on to sell my car.  it was serving me no purpose as i can ride my pushie, walk or catch the tram across the road which takes me to my 2 favourite places - doc pizza and tiamo italian restaurant. #winning 

i discovered that i really liked being on the back of a harley. vroom vroom. my convertible was great, and i think i might need to invest in a scooter so i can have my own vroom vroom.

my beautiful son outed himself as a codeine addict and reached out for help.  he's now under my caring watchful wing taking all steps possible to recover by relocating here for a while as he gets back on his feet. kudos to him for taking the hardest step, cause it's not a quick fix and not something i am an expert in managing, but we will take one step at a time.  i told him that i can't be on the playing field with him, but will be there cheering him on from the sidelines, as he takes this part of his life journey.

i re-read this book again (only about the 4th time) but it drives me to be mindful about how i choose to live my life - either living in a pit having pity parties, or embracing and making the most of every moment and challenge that i encounter. 

oh and my sewing machine broke down #sadface. that was a bitch! but it's back and ready to stitch up some goody good janijans designs again. 

goodbye 2016. hello 2017.

so as i headed into 2017, i was thinking about the year ahead and some of the things i want to achieve.  i haven't made a TO DO list or any resolutions - only to be more awesome maybe, but rather a TO BE list and that's where the tantra comes in.  i want to practice more conscious living and hopefully loving...so tantra is my mantra. i don't want to just DO, i want to BE and i want to continue to become an even better version of myself.

i want to BE a better human - for me and those around me
i want to be a better salsa dancer
i want to be out of my comfort zone
i want to be open to all opportunities

and "TO BE" requires conscious living in relation to thoughts and actions. sure i can switch on the autopilot but i don't want that to be what gets me to my destination. i want to take charge.

But there are a few things on my TO DO list and most relate to human connection. i want to connect with more people and as i have reflected on this late last year, a post popped up in my facebook feed from humans of new york.  it was about a woman who moved to a new city and thought that everything would just happen, just because she was in that new space that it would all come together. (no no no no no - it doesn't work that way).....she said that "relationships don't just happen because i exist" and i had that moment of wow, i want to dig deeper and work harder to consciously connect with others.  i need to reach out and make more effort in order for this part of my life to fill.  It doesn't come naturally to me to talk to strangers, but i'm gonna fake it till i make it.

I'm going to continue to support my son with his addiction recovery and it seems timely to finish off my project of not sweating the small stuff - dang - there's not that many chapters to go and it's gonna help ground me a bit.  i've never had to assist someone with addiction before, so it's paramount that i take care of me, so i can be on my A game. Maybe focussing on this will help, as it did when i was going through major life change previously.

and what's this.....a ukulele.  yes i am going to learn to play this gorgeous blue instrument and hope to find space for an electric piano. playing piano was one of the first things in my life that i really new i wanted to do even before i ever had a piano and dang i miss it.

so, here's a few other things on my list
- talk to at least 3 strangers every day
- smile at more people - this is a genuine connection that may make a difference to somebody's day
- start writing again - tick!
- be fearless
- say yes to almost everything
- continue to play by my own rules
- be more empowered and pave the way for those who want to get out of their comfort zone
- don't accept less then what i deserve as a woman and a human
- learn to network
- help bring others together - yes, i have a plan.  at work i am called the glue.  i didn't give myself that name, but seems i have an ability make things happen and keep people connected.  i want to explore this more.
- to let the universe do what it does best and be open to it.
- and to find love that flows freely and joyously.  as humans it's our evolution to be loved and give love and the time is now right for me to give what's in my heart and mind to someone who wants to have this ball of joy and fun in their life.

yep, there's a lot of me me me here, but this is my journey and as that book why wait to be great says, we write a life story that can be filled with so many experiences, both amazing and difficult and i want my story to be amazing even when i have to navigate through the rough parts.

So, i pose the question, how do you intend to fill the chapters of your life story. hopefully there is something here that may resonate or inspire you to look at your world differently and to reach beyond your comfort zone and create an amazing story going forward.  go for it.!

the what i wore project - week 18

this was the week that the weather went out of control - hot cold, windy and wet wet wet.  It was like dressing for any possible event, was on the cards.  And here is what I ended up with for week 18.

There was short, long, sleeves, no sleeves, open and closed toes and even my gumboots were on stand-by - just in case.  what was a saving grace, was that i managed to go through all my winter clothes last week and wash what wasn't storm damaged in preparation for the coming months.

As i also now have to take my own photos, there are a lot of misses, while i am running to get into to my shot.  Today, you get to see the behind the scenes.  Cause it is not a one shot wonder at all, when you are in control of the remote control, which i might add, is the best invention ever.

Monday - it wasn't too hot, and it wasn't too cold, but it wasn't just right.

I wore pin corduroy spotted dress made by me, pom pom necklace made by me, shoes from whittner.

Tuesday, the weather was not to heavy and not to light, it was just right.

I wore pink stretch satin skirt made by me, top/dress made by me. I had decided a while back i wasn't in love with it anymore so put it to the donation pile, and then i saw it again and we feel in love, again.  shoes were from betts and earrings are from huudaverti.

Wednesday - i had a feeling it would warm up and i was right.

I wore pants from country road, shoes from betts, shirt from suzanne grae, giant hoops from lovisa and this super fun poncho from huudaverti.  It is covered with botticelli's and is our special of the week with coupon weekly20, if anyone wants one.

Thursday - well look who is rugged up.  It was cold and wet

I wore pink velvet skirt and sequin belt made by me, jumper from Harris Scarfe (this jumper is the same one i wanted from Witchery last year but it was sold out and also twice as expensive) boots from Jo Mercer, circa 2005.

Friday the weather was shitter than shit.  It was a tropical low of tropical proportions (for brisbane) and we all got an early mark from work to get home as it just got worse.  Fortunately, i had an easy run home and was so grateful that i now have the roof above my kitchen repaired and the rain doesn't come in.  It was too wet to even go to the local for a wine.  Now that's saying something, cause it is only a minute down the road.

I wore jeans from target, ankle boots circa 2006 from whittner they are well worn and still going strong, long sleeve T and woollen over vest and my fave heart earrings.

Saturday turned out to be beautiful blue clear skies - not sure why we call it skies, cause there is only one. i offered to drop my son at work, so he was behind the lens today.  It was one of those brissy days - cold in the morning and then by lunch time it is boiling.

I wore my jeans from target that i tie dyed myself, shoes from gola, long sleeve T over a short sleeve T and puffer vest i picked up from uniqlo in melbourne.  I love a puffer vest, it's the perfect transition piece. Both vest and long sleeve T were relagated to the back seat of the car by mid morning.

Sunday and it was cool, warm, cool warm and i just knew i would end up roasting if i wore too much, so the super charged poncho was the item de jour.  Someone pointed out today that it is so brissy to wear thongs with warm weather stuff.  Aint that the truth.

I wore pink cords from sportscraft, havaianas from byron bay, black tea from temt, silver hoops and poncho that i picked up from tree of life last year.

I also did the how old am i test this week.  bbbhhhaaaa it say's i am 33. it is such a liar.

this week was another week that i read about women who are living with body image issues and these issues affect so many other areas of our life and the most important one is our own happiness and inner peace.

On friday, while i was grabbing some brekky, i saw this card in the shop and took a snap of it. 

It takes a lot of courage to walk up to a mirror and say - i am perfect just how i am. and if you don't believe it, who will?  Doing this in front of a mirror may seem strange and weird and you may not believe it at first, but it's a start on the journey to self love.

Friday was also the day that someone liked a pic on instragram and as you do, i checked out the profile and was interested to see what they were on about  at #ownyournumber.  they want you to share the number you want to overcome, or already have... and here's what i posted.

well i don't care about the number of my clothes size (18) or my age (48) or any of that stuff, but i do care about me and my place in the world and that makes me number one (1). we all deserve to be number one (1) and put ourself first. We all have issues and struggles to overcome and i have overcome mine. It doesn't mean that everyone else is not number one (1), but if i am okay, then everyone around me will be too. it's okay to be number one (1). What is your number?

So there goes week 18.

Be kind to yourself and to others and spend some time being number 1.

the what i wore project - week 16

black is black
i want my colour back

this week, i didn't intentionally set out to wear all black, but by the time it got to wednesday, i was already immersed, in one of the most beautiful colours there it.  i actually really love black. it was probably my favourite before hot pink.  i love black so much, that i even went as far as to die my hair from blond to black, way back in 1998 and i couldn't imagine having it any other colour.

this was also the week where talk turned to Matilda Kahl, the art director who has worn the same "uniform" of black pants and white shirt to work for the past 3 years.  I understand her motivation, but as someone who loves to express through clothes and believes that since work is really the majority of our day, week, month, year and life (unless i win a big lotto), then i am going to use these hours to dress in ways that make me feel like i live a life that isn't just about work.

as much as i enjoyed the all black looks, i am excited to be getting back to randomness in the colour wheel tomorrow.

so how did the week of wearing black pan out

monday - start of the week - fuck fuck fuck - can see why matilda kahl opts for the uniform, cause monday arrives with a thud and it's what the fuck am i going to wear today, day.

as it turned out, i loved wearing this outfit.  there was a little bit of sparkle, to make me feel like i could be anywhere else but the office and of course with the glasses, i could probably have driven past the office, cause they don't exactly provide the best vision - but damn they look good.

i wore black tube skirt from huudaverti, top from suzanne grae, shoes from whittner, heart earrings from nyc and brisbane (they are mismatched) and glasses from davies park market.

 

tuesday - who wore it better.
i have been dying to wear this dress, and so it seems, did my sister.  it's a little shorter than i would normally wear to work, but wow, it made me want to walk tall and i could feel the walk tall envy all around me.

i wore, dress from huudaverti, shoes from novo, earrings made by my sisters boyfriend
she wore, dress from huudaverti, shoes that made her want to jump and glasses to shield her eyes from the tropical panorama of fiji.

wednesday - the day that i felt there was no turning back from the black. i know what they say, but i can't say that i actually know if it's true. but for this week, once i wore black, there was no turning back.

wednesday was also the day i decided to see if i could find out if i was imagining if someone was actually going into my work drawer and taking my gum.  i decided to place it strategically in my drawer and check the next day to see whether any was gone. #dontbetakingmygumgumdumdum

it was also the day i needed to get my shit together and finalise my designs for fiji fashion week.  they aren't going to do themselves, jan-maree! so on my drive home, i decided to stop and soak up the sunset and i encourage everyone to do the same. it's so nice to just sit, enjoy and appreciate the beauty of the light, the end of the day and the journey into wine time.

i wore pants from country road, top from suzanne grae, shoes from betts, earrings from fiji and necklace from india.

thursday - i knew this dress had to come out of the closet this week, cause not only is it black, but it's beautiful.  the design is good and the texture is gooderer and it feels quite refined (not a word i usually associate with myself) but surely it's okay just this once.

i wore dress made by me, shoes from betts, random waist tie i pulled out of the drawer and earrings, of some kind.

also, there was no movement on the chewy problem. it was all still there!

friday is casual day in the office and don't i look casual.  i grabbed these pants out of the wardrobe and promptly set about finding something black to go with them.  it needed to not only be black, but to be something that i felt would not only compliment them but also protect the downstairs area, cause the god damn zip keeps coming down.  I will not part with them though, cause i love them.

i wore wet look jeans from target with zip that falls down, singlet from uniqlo, peacock necklace from sportsgirl, shoes from whittner, and top from h&m new york, circa 2005 and i did actually buy one for my sister in fiji, cause that's a thing we do. one for me, one for her.

saturday came and i was ready to twirl.

i twirled with my girl Miss H, outside the coffee shop.

i also grabbed a burger from wild rissole at the boundary street market.  i am a vegetarian and he has a vege pattie, but it's made of mushrooms, so straight away i am not winning. he also has a haloumi burger which was fantastic and the guy decided he would try and help me bridge the mushroom gap by offering me a mini mini pattie to try.  i tried, i survived, but i still don't like mushroom.

i wore tulle skirt made and handed over willingly from my sister, yonks old top from temt, belt made by me, necklaces that i have had forever, and haviainas, which according to some, let the outfit down, but according to others, look great. i also won't be eating mushroom burger from wild rissole. but he does make a great burger if ever you are there.

i also attended a 50th birthday (trial for my impending one next year) and decided to dress like i was going to a party and that required some sparkle.

as i also own a convertible - it's a volvo - and it's awsome, it's so fun to drive around sans top and just look up at every opportunity.  i wasn't driving, cause driving and keeping your eyes towards the sky wouldn't be smart, but it's pretty cool to have that view, unless of course you fly under birds.  

i wore silver vinyl skirt made by me, beaded top from sri lanka, shoes from whittner (haven't they had a run this week) and the crazy chair i was sitting in was from st vinnies in west end.  also volvo headlights, do amazing things for ones glow.

sunday - last but not least. it was massage day - my weekly ritual and the day the reign of black would end.

i wore shorts and earrings made by me, sheer top from  suzanne grae and cap from target to hide dirty hair.

so black is black and i need some colour back. come on week 17.

seems only fitting that i share this awesome 70's song which will either make you want to get off your chair and dance, or leave you totally mesmerised by the era that was disco.