the entree to ENTREE TO LOVE

Happy New Year love bugs

Well, I am so excited to be shifting my writing focus onto something a little more lighthearted and hopefully more fun this year. 

I've actually kicked off the new year feeling really fresh and it's amazing how many people have actually said to me "jan, this is your year".  Like have literally come to me and said it. I'll high five that. Thank you very much, please have my year delivered to the door in daily fun installments.... cause it's MY FUCKING YEAR!

I've even written it on a giant post it....that's how much of a year it's going to be for me and I am adding the things that I want to achieve.

 

I was thinking about the writing project I just finished and it was amazing how as cathartic as it was, it was also something that kept my mind thinking and thinking about how I would interpret each piece of written work.  It was quite exhausting (but fun). The topics weren't heavy but the road I was taking seemed to be.  In fact it was bloody heavy at times, but that was then and this is now and it feels like I have lifted this massive weight off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, I thought about quitting numerous times, but I am so glad I didn't.  It was a journey that gave me more than I ever expected on a level of personal growth and freedom.

So what now?  What on earth would a spunky, funny, sassy, single in the city kinda girl want to turn her attention to? What could it possibly be? Have a guess? That's right, it's love.  LOVE
elle
ohhh
veee
eeeeeeekkkk
spells LOVE.

As I have navigated single life the past couple of years, the thing I was hoping for was to meet a nice fella and go on a journey.  What happened though, is that I met a few fellas, some good, some bad, some good/bad and some downright ugly and the journey's reflected said good, bad and ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean who the fuck are you, kind of ugly. Trust me, the screen shot folder in my phone is full of candid camera moments, from dick pics, to messages, to screen shots of people's profiles that have just left me laughing and horrified and wondering 'who the fuck are you people"?  I know who you people are......you are NOT my people! Bet you are all dying to see some of those. Anyway, don't sweat the small stuff right, I am an expert with the block button and this time has given me the strength, reflection, patience and desire to consider what it is I want and the type of person who I want in my life. And I am 100% sure of what I don't want and 100% sure of what I do want.

 

In defense of the highlighter guy, he was asking what my shoe size was......but why the fuck would he want to know that? Hello freaky mcshoefetish face.

What's been interesting though is that I have not met one man in the offline environment. That has been the case always with me. They just don't gravitate towards me and when I do meet men from online, they can't believe that I and single and don't have guys swarming around me like I'm the queen bee luring them to the honey pot. There's been no response to my upturned bananas in the shopping trolley, or feeling the ripeness of my melons in the fruit shop.....nada, zilch. zero.

Even though my online conversion rate hasn't been fantastic - the ghosts, the breadcrumbers, the stinky catfishers, the married, the flakes, the can't be arsed and as sad as that is, the face to face conversion has been nada...zilch....zero. I could walk through the valley of the men dolls while naked, handing out free tickets to sporting events and beers and I would wager a hundred bucks that they wouldn't even notice. Maybe that's a little far fetched, but you get the idea.  N.Z.Z. 

If it wasn't for the world of online dating, who knows how the fuck I would meet anyone and get my social needs met. How do I change that face to face interest?  That's going on my list.  I am wondering though if there are rules against joining a nunnery after your cherry has been popped?  Maybe that's a business venture to consider for women considering a career change when the cloak of invisibility has been thrown their way and their popped cherry's become something in the dried fruit aisle. Only useful to make a Christmas pudding, and shit Christmas has gone and they have to wait another 12 months for the fruit to be soaked so to speak.

So dating has been an hilarious part of my water cooler conversations at work and out of work, with belly laughs a plenty that come when we discuss said good, bad and the ugly and my newly coined N.Z.Z.

My kicker came when I was stood up by the same guy twice after he initiated contact and the catch ups he arranged.  Happy to give someone the "make a fake excuse once", but twice just doesn't cut it and with that I was kind of propelled to think about this whole dating and love bizzo and what I could possibly do different to ensure I win the prize that I have my eye on. And that prize is to be shot by cupids big fat arrow right slap bang in the middle of my heart.💘💘💘💘💘💘💘 so it sprays bursts of red heart glitter everywhere with each pounding beat.

Through my conversations with others, there is an undeniable desire for people wanting to connect with others in the flesh, before they flash the flesh and get their flesh all hot and sweaty. Think old fashioned dating.  It was a thing once and maybe everything old needs to be new again. People I know really want to find something more meaningful and to step out from behind the keyboard and interact in person. The online world has gone mad and it is bloody hard work, with not a lot of return on investment. People are fatigued by it, and what I have noticed is that it's an ego boosting tool when you match with someone and that person never initiates or returns a simple message.  "Hey, look, someone likes me" and then.....N.Z.Z

So following my kicker, I was propelled to put on my thinking cap and take matters into my own hands and come up with an idea.  I am reaching out to people I know who are single and have single friends who also have single friends and see if I can bring us all together.  Not like keys in a bowl kind of way, but in a like meets like kind of way. Think of it like the right kind of love virus to keep spreading.

When I floated my idea with my sister, she also thought it was a winner so I am sharing with you ENTREE TO LOVE, my idea to bring people together with food and genuine opportunity to meet and interact in a safe real time space. I see it suited to those who are over online dating, are wanting to meet someone special, make new friends of same and opposite sex or to take those first scary steps back into the dating world without being slapped down by the BS that comes with one of the few either expensive and nasty, cheap and nasty or free and nasty sites that are swamping the market.  I wanna keep it real people, because I am real.

When the name came up there wasn't one hashtag, the name wasn't taken, so I took it as a sign from the love gods and I am running with it.

And here's how I want to do it.  I want to combine my love of vegetarian food and cooking, communicating, creativity, warmth and happiness, passion for people and love of love to see if I can make a difference to those like me who really want to find another loving soul to be with and are open to whatever may come along.

It's not a matchmaking service (although I have a few success stories there) but it will be an even mix of men and women and I will only ask for a small cost (like 30 bucks) to cover the food that I will arrange for the gathering.  It may be dinner at my home, a picnic in the park or who the fuck knows what hair brain idea may pop into my head.  It will also be alcohol free.  I am not anti-alcohol, but think that it's a great idea to keep things clear headed when we being considerate of other people and their feelings.

And that's it.  I am holding my first one on Saturday 20th January and will schedule as interest dictates, but at least one a month.

You can follow along, or contact me for more information through

Entree to Love instagram
Facebook page
or email me  at entreetolove@hotmail.com

I look forward to sharing some some stories, and recipes and adventures and anything that will make its way to Entree to Love and I hope that you go through your friends list and friendzone list and consider whether people you know are ready for something like this, or if you would love to be a part of it.

And with that, hello 2018 and hello to love.....it's gonna be my year and hopefully yours as well, especially if you have been looking for love in all the wrong places. xxxx

DSTSS - It's business time

77.  Acknowledge the totally of your being

Over the past two weeks i went on a little mind set makeover which was so kindly shared on instagram by @steelemystyle in the lead up to valentines day. we had to BE OUR OWN EFFEN VALENTINE.  Single or not, love should start with self, and self worth is so intrinsic to our inner peace and happiness. It can be really hard to shut down the negative feelings and views we have about ourself, they can consume us and stop us from going about living a happy, fulfilled, open life.

I'm no mathematician, but most businesses have a profit and loss sheet and the bottom line is about the profit they make - the POSITIVE, but with profit comes losses and they want to minimise these - the NEGATIVE.  What if you look at yourself like a business and draw up a profit and loss sheet of all the great things about yourself and the things you think are not so great. You probably find that the profits far outweigh the losses. And if you do find that the negatives are really in the majority, then what a great opportunity for self growth and change.

I can't quite recall the trigger or time in my life where i went from being a happy child to a child, then a teen then a young woman, then an older woman who always lived with negative vibes about myself. Always comparing myself to others and feeling less worth than everybody else.  That behaviour had to stop but it didn't stop till my early thirties.....far too late i reckon, but better late than never.

As i went through my earlier life, my loss sheet always seemed to far outweigh the profit. It didn't matter that i could play piano, was a championship swimmer, a gymnast, could play any sport, had a big circle of friends and an incredibly creative mind. It was always the negative stuff that mattered. But i have managed to turn those negative thoughts and fears into profit. The things i didn't like, i consciously set about to change.  I made the profit account so fucking big, that the losses were non existent, or so minimal that they didn't matter. And this opened up my world so much, from defining my sense of self, my style, my life and as i became kinder to myself, the world became kinder to me.

My sister recently posted the pic above on instagram and I look at that little girl and i just send her so much fucking love cause she really suffered for a long time and unnecessarily.

If a business doesn't do something to address their losses, then there's a high chance that eventually, the losses will cause that business to shut down. And it's exactly the same with people.

Here's what i did.  I CHOSE to be kind to myself for a moment and then another moment and then another.  I chose to accept whatever negative feelings i had regardless of whether they are real or perceived and embraced them for one moment at a time. Those moments began to join together and make bigger moments and eventually, i was able to let go of whatever thing it was i didn't like about myself or my life and put it onto the side of profit.

What's your business model going to be?  One that is set up for personal success? One where you can look at your ledger and know that it may not be perfect, but at least it has profit? Embrace any feelings of doubt, fear, judgement and learn to love them all.  That girl below has managed to do it and so can you.

Note to self: Turn those losses into profits. Be your own personal boss, accountant and bank manager. Don't let anyone else decide how you run your business of self. I may not be perfect, but i am okay the way i am and with that comes opportunity be better.

DSTSS - i can't fight this feeling any more

76. Get comfortable not knowing

well first of all i don't want to talk about getting comfortable, cause that's like flying in the no go zone, cause you should just never get comfortable.....with anything. but what i do want to talk about is getting uncomfortable.

getting uncomfortable shakes you up, makes you think, rattles your cage, can frighten the fuck out of you, can offer you fresh eyes, keeps you challenged and then maybe when the dust settles you can afford to get a little bit comfortable having wondered why on earth you were sweating the effects of planned or unplanned change anyway.

i had my fair share of uncomfortable over the past few years. can you imagine having a whole lot of crazy shit happening - like you are all la di da di da chugging along living your non perfect but bearable life and then SHAZAM the shit hits the fan and you don't know which bit of shit will land on you and what you will use to scrape it off. and the bigger question is, do you fight it or just roll with it and see what may present itself once the stink has gone. what if the shit totally misses you and you go, hey what are the odds of that happening? i chose to roll with it, and accept that maybe there was a bigger reason why things were happening the way they were. Shit way flying everywhere, and i ended up stepping over it or around it. YESSS!

so here's a scenario.....you are going about your business and then one day something big happens and you just go what the fuck, and then another day something big happens and you just go what the fuck fuck - i just had that other fucked thing happen. and then something big happens again and you are like, seriously.....WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK - now i have this plus all that other fucked stuff happening.

that was pretty much my life for 18 months.. 5 major life changing events that i had to manage and 4 of them happened within a 2 month period and i chose to accept, rather than fight it. it was fucking intense. There was so much FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  my house, my marriage, my living arrangements, the storm that nearly killed me and trashed my house and possessions PLUS MORE and i couldn't control any of it, i just had to weather it out. and then one day something else happened, but it wasn't fucked - and within a week all the loose ends were tied up and my life changed forever and for the better and those preceding fucked up events were all integral in the positive change that occurred and bought me to this very moment where i am now. divine intervention works in mysterious ways.

i didn't know why all this was happening, but it just was and i had to get comfortable not knowing why. it was what it was.

Note to self: follow the path that's being laid out in front of you (even if you think it's leading nowhere and is painful and frightening) continue to be open to all possibilities. keep an open mind in order to keep an open life and know that we don't know what will happen from minute to minute to take you where you need to be on your life journey. sometimes you don't need to know why.

DSTSS - back to school

75. Think of your problems as potential teachers

As it sit here writing my post today, i am actually feeling totally overwhelmed about some or probably just one problem in my life. not the good problem, like should i have 2 scoops of gelato or one, and then decide if i should have whipped cream on top and then sprinkles, or whether i should have pink or blue fairy floss with my soft serve (pink always) but true problems that are life changing and have potential to impact profoundly.

at the end of last year, my 31 year old son outed himself as codeine addict from pills that he was able to obtain over the counter at the chemist and an addiction that is one of the most common and one of the most difficult to recover from.

i had spoken to him one night and had a gut feeling that something wasn't okay but didn't push it - that's not helpful - but the next night he rang me back and spilled the beans. he'd been taking enough pills daily to put him in the fatal risk zone. fuck - that's a tough pill to swallow when you hear it. he didn't want to worry me with this as he said i looked so happy in my new melbourne life. that is no excuse when you need to reach out for help and you know what..... never be afraid to reach out or in my case plant a seed that may have encouraged him to speak up.

he decided to and needed to make change. his work was affected, his health was affected and his relationship with his long term partner was affected and that was the impetus to seek help. he has started on a journey of wellness and a choice to no longer self harm and has relocated to stay with me and be supported while he works towards recovery.

so he has his own problem to deal with and his problem has now given me a problem and one that could consume me if i don't act smart about its affect and possible solutions. talk about a giant fucking snowball.

so how the hell do you think of this problem as a potential teacher. Oh let me count the ways. OMMMMMM Firstly by accepting it. then embracing it, learning from it, seeking wise counsel and then use all of this and anything else i can do to get through and to assist others who may be in need. and i have to understand that by not fighting the problem i will be able to look at it clearly, objectively and form pathways towards solutions and KEEP CALM AND CARRY THE FUCK ON. i will eventually take something away from it that will further enhance my life, my son's life and other's who may not know where to turn when in a tough situation.

at work we use the model below called the change curve - and i am all about curves - fancy colourful stylish gorgeous curves - and the beauty of being someone who has high resilience (and curves) is that you can always find a way to cope.  when i learnt of this problem, i bypassed stage one and two, and went straight to stage four - commitment. commitment to seek the best possible outcome for this problem.  Right now though, i have swung back into stage three, cause i am at a place where i need to explore some problem solving solutions (learnings), in order to continue staying afloat.

my son is also passing through phases of the change curve as he takes this journey. be open to change. life is a flowing journey and change is an integral part of it, even if it is uncomfortable and painful.

as it stands now, this problem has and is affecting many parts of my life and in just a short period of time. so i really need to make choices that will be smart and teach me ways to to get through it as easily as possible. i can see potential for this to bring me unstuck and i want to avoid that at all cost. i know from others who have traveled the same road, this this is a long and bumpy journey.

so how do i turn this problem to my advantage?  how do i learn from it and move forth knowing that i need an outcome that keeps my head above water.  i also want my son to stay one step ahead of me. crazy i know, but i want him to take the lead and find his way and know that he can call on me should he have trouble finding a path to follow.  #coach #cheerleader #motivationalinterviewer equals #mother

my financial situation is suffering.  i will probably never recover from being forced to sell my house and being left with nothing and i still have to deal with the sexually transmitted debt of this. it's been a struggle from the moment i shut the door on my past life - no regrets whatsoever, cause life is so much more peaceful and that surpasses any material thing i could ever want.  but now i have to think about how i manage this new problem that is having high financial impact. and my learning here is to be grateful for what i have. i've been through tougher financial moments than this, so just scaling back on any unnecessary things is totally okay. my needs have become secondary as his become more necessary.

my stress level is going off the chart. i know this because i want to cry....and a lot. i've had a headache for about the last week and i've actually felt like just hibernating. my learning here is to accept, acknowledge, elevate my feelings of gratitude, meditate, continue to be kind to myself and others and keep moving physically. this will help with my mental and physical capacity to cope and will further build my resilience. my life still has to go on.

i need to front up to work everyday and be present. i've shared this problem with those i work with and it ensures that they are aware that there may be days when i seem distracted, or quiet, or need to take some time to do personal stuff.  my learning here is that i am human and any one of us at any time could be confronted with a life changing situation that they need to give time and attention to. i've also discovered someone at my work who has gone through the exact same thing so by sharing my story, i can now draw on their experience.

i need to continue living and enjoying my life while going through this. totally makes sense to go do free stress reducing tai chi in fed square everyday doesn't it.....melbourne has so many free things to do, so i will tap into these cause i sure as hell ain't gonna lock myself away and shut down my life even if that's what may be the norm in this situation or if i feel like hibernating.  no going to the pit for me. i just need to modify and find ways to keep my endorphin cup overflowing.

my heart if full of compassion, empathy, kindness and love and i'll continue to give this to my son and support him without judgment, criticism or anger because his self-worth needs to be preserved and enhanced in order to recover.

and i've also learn't that no matter how long this problem goes on, i'll always have enough lipstick to see me through unless of course the doomsday clock ticks forward for another 2.5 minutes.....and then the problem will be solved, i guess!

Let's keep learning.  well, it was a big post today, but this is a big problem and i got a lot to learn from it.

Note to self: regardless of how challenging a problem may be, use it to take you to a better place. Think on it, sleep on it, learn from it, use it to make you a stronger person and understand that their may be sacrifices but don't stop living and enjoying life. the problem will pass and you may come out the other side wondering why you stressed over it so much in the first place.