Day 11. The lie detector solution

Confronting your limiting beliefs

Well this is certainly turning out to be a journey into honesty, enlightenment, self discovery and change.  I have had a number of people contact me wanting to know the name of the book i am reading and here it is and my reason I am doing it is twofold. firstly, i want to cut back or stop my evening or partying drinking (guess that doesn't leave me with anywhere to go) and i am doing so many more substantial things and feeling amazing in such a short space of time, and secondly because i want to support and understand what my son is going through as he manages his addiction to codeine and i have found this book to be a game changer.

Every chapter of the book so far, has required me to be engaged, committed and open to wanting and accepting that i have chosen to change an aspect of my life that is so commonplace in society.

Alcohol is big business. It's used as gifts, to celebrate, to commiserate, to start fights, to end fights, to enjoy, to abuse, to cook with, to make sex better, to make sex worse, to reduce stress, to benefit from its health properties, to make us more likable, or less likable, to use it as an excuse, to make sure our life is full of fun, to kill aphids on my gardenia and to launch ships. So many uses.

When I look at that list that i just threw out, it seems that i'm doomed for a boring fucking life but my gardenia is going to thrive. And i remind myself, that everyday i go about my business being a great person who doesn't drink, till she gets home and has a few vino's or is on a social outing. People seem to like me and i don't need alcohol to make this happen for the majority of the day - it's may natural real state of awesomeness. However, i have a limiting belief that people won't like me.  But i go about just being me the only way i know how and don't let those feeling take over.

So as i continue to make my determination as to what role if any alcohol will have in my life post this solution, i have to really look at the limiting beliefs that i my have and explore and remove them. This relates to all aspects of my life, not just the boozy woozy.  I owe it to myself to at least consider this, because i don't want to be held back in any way. 

Limiting beliefs seem to come from emotionally powerful events and often from our childhood. The event has passed and yet we give it so much meaning - both positive or negative and the negative component seems to have all the power that drives us to possible failure  

Today we look at our theme - belief truths and lies, we will recognise and change them at a subconsious level, we learn about the power of belief and how our brain filters information if it doesn't match our dominant beliefs, the lies we live by which are limiting us, and the source of our beliefs, where we have to change our interpretation and meaning of some events in our life. 

Change the meaning, change the belief, change your life.

Well I'm about to have my beliefs challenged and cross-examined in the courtroom of my mind. And right on que, here's my lawyer. She'll sort me the fuck out, and not just in the fashion stakes.

Fuck i hope Judge Judy makes another appearance cause she's a tough MOFO and won't let me try and pull the wool over her eyes. Please all stand while the queen of daytime tv enters the room. 

There was a lot of action items today and ones that required me to really challenge my thinking and my beliefs. Go figure, so I am not going to document from my journal or this read would be a bigger than Shapelle's boogie board. So i shall summise.

Action 1. Capture your limiting beliefs

There was a list of popular limiting beliefs that were keeping us from being alcohol free and we had to choose which were applicable. Some of them were on my list above - except for the gardenia health and the ship launching. 

Action 2. Write the traits of a sober person.

i think they achieve, they may be people of action, they may use their time differently, aren't boring and they live without the need for alcohol.  My nana was one of those people. She didn't need alcohol to enhance her life.  She was fundamentally happy.

We had to revisit where we saw ourself in 5 years if we keep on the same path. And we had to ask "what do i want" and "who do i want to be"  both really good questions.

Action 3. Cross examine our limiting beliefs.

we had to look at our limiting beliefs and write down what our life would look like if we hold onto them. we then had to make a strong case as to why those beliefs aren't actually true.

Action 4. Write new beliefs to replace the old one.

we had to create new beliefs that aligned with who we want to be and we have to keep identifying and cross-examining them in the future when we are faced with challenges. the new beliefs have to go somewhere visible so they soak into our psyche. 

well today was supposed to be a fun day, but it was actually really hard and i am no longer in the witness box. I was found guilty of using my limiting beliefs, but I am free to go and keep moving forward.  I haven't been given a life sentence, but i am not off scott free.  I still have to serve out the remainder of the 30 day sobriety solution.

Feeling share 💗

Still not sleeping well.  Have a lot on my mind with my son and am also still coughing.

I feel tired, but not sluggish or fuzzy

2.30pm. feeling good, inspired and relaxed

9pm about to have dinner and would like a wine (habit) but am having soda water and reading my vision. 

this was a big piece of change, but i got there. 

Day 9. The action solution

Getting out of your head and into action

It's day nine and kaboom, this rocket is heading towards the launch pad and getting ready for lift off. I'm a rocketjan. After yesterday when I looked at the movie of this aspect of my life and went ewww, i didn't like that movie, I get to pitch another script where it's full of really great positive things that will have the audience and me cheering and clapping as I go from scene to scene.

My life is actually pretty great. I am a genuinely happy warm loving person, full of life and energy, I have a great job, live in a fantastic apartment in the city, I'm funny, smart and have had some wonderful adventures and many of the great things i have and have done are because i took action. And I am taking action again.

We can have all the intentions in the world of the things we dream of - like cutting back or quitting drinking, want to pursue - like cutting back or quitting drinking, or want to change - like cutting back or quitting drinking, but unless we actually take action, they will always remain out of reach, unlike the wine bottle that was always within reach.

So recently I took action.  Many people make plans, and make more plans and they organise what they have to do before they can do anything and the difference between success and failure is when you do something, rather than nothing.  Don't plan, don't think, don't worry, don't wonder......just do. So yes I took action.  I did literally go "right now, i am making change" and here i am going through a really positive transformation that i feel amazing benefits from both physically and mentally in such a short time.

I remind myself that this year was about conscious living and one of the aspects is that time is the only thing i will never get back, so how is it best used. I want to go forward with a clear head and make the most of the time i have on this planet.  So as someone who loves to take action, i am really excited by what i am doing.

All i have to do is read each of the chapters of the book and do the action steps and i will be closer to success.  This chapter uses the concept of READY AIM FIRE, where we just go for it and take a shot at the target and if we don't hit the bullseye first time (which may occur when people try to give up or cut back drinking) then at least we know where we have to line up the next shot (poor choice of words) and then fire. what would mr squiggle make of all this? i'm sure this concept would work for him.

In order to take action we have a few tips and tricks to take our desire out of our head and get going. Our theme today is taking action and that's what we have to do. We go on and off course and understand that it is easier once you take the first step and we can learn as we go along. We cross the bridge to thriving, whereby we take the work we have been doing in our inner world - our thoughts, feelings and beliefs and put these new ones into our outer world - our new movie. We become a hero by learning to make decisions based on our long term dreams rather than our short term decisions. We learn how to deal with sobriety anxiety where we ask ourself is there one little thing we can do right now to help solve what is worrying us - again, do something rather than nothing. We get ready, fire and then aim - doesn't matter that we missed the target, cause we can take another shot.

We had 2 little actions today. and they are:

Action 1. write down your top three worries related to problem drinking
Here we give ourself permission to stop worrying and know that we can take action to move forward.

My worry was:
1. that i can't stop till i have had too much.  I don't have the stop button

So.....I give myself permission to stop worrying. So far i have decided to make change and am now 9 days in. I've written a vision, explored the old and new me, learnt about willpower and haven't had alcohol for 8 days and by the end of today it will be 9. I am understanding the psychology of drinking and learning new life skills.

To address my concern, I will continue on with the program.  Appreciate that alcohol isn't the most important thing in life and continue to fill my toolbelt with life skills to ensure success.  I always find a way to make positive change and this challenge should be no different.

I am taking action and i am GREAT at taking action.

Action 2. Start a tiny habit - this can be used for anything that we may want to change.
we have to start a tiny habit by using one good habit to link us to another good habit that we want to start. We have to recite our vision when we are triggered by something habitual we do each day. We are reprogramming the wiring of our rocket ship so when we lift off we will be on the best path.

I've stuck my vision on my wall and read it each time i go to my bedroom and its on my desk at work so i can see it all the time and read it.

I've also added a couple of other really important things in my journal today as i have been collecting some top tips - they are part of the actions.

The first was was about Ready Aim Fire, which i mentioned earlier. where we just do something, plus we got a little tip to help to defeat procrastination.
1. start small. If you have an issue, what can you do in three minutes to make a start. Keep your life creative and simple.
2. Find and anchor.  use an existing routine to act as a trigger for a new habit - i do this now by writing little notes on my hand or using a piece of jewellry that i keep touching all the time as a reminder
3. Celebrate immediately. Acknowledge when you start to do this new behaviour.

For such a short chapter, there was a shit load of takeaways and when i read this next piece, i felt it totally summed up how i live my life. I have had some fucked up stuff happen, but I've just kept on powering through.

The mature human being goes about doing what needs to be done regardless of whether that person feels great or terrible. Knowing that you are the kind of person with that kind of self-control brings all the satisfaction and confidence you will ever need. Even on days when the satisfaction and confidence just aren't there, you can get the job done anyway.....

lets do the "how i feel test". shall we to see how the engine of the rocket is doing.
Feeling pretty good
went to bed really late but slept until i woke up from coughing. Although i feel tired, my head feels clear and i'm quite energetic.
2pm feeling a different kind of amazing energy
3.16pm feeling amazing - so inspired and challenged
5pm - thinking about what to have for tea and my habit of drinking while cooking. i realised that i don't actually have to drink while doing this
7pm - really felling like a glass of wine as i cook dinner. i can almost taste it

have re-read my vision and though about the before me and why i have made this great choice

Day 6. The outcome solution

The power of an outcome-focussed, purpose-driven, goal setting strategy

You know what the anagram of goal is.....GAOL. I've never been a goal setter but it just occurred to me that the reason for this is that I'm a free spirit and I feel like I am in gaol if I dont' have the freedom to explore what may just be around the corner. Chapter 6 and I am having a fucking epiphany...i always hoped I'd have a daughter.

Well haven't I come along way.  I've set a goal to explore being alcohol free - for at least 30 days.  I have committed to that. I pinky shook with my other pinky and I am a woman of my word.

It seems a no brainer when you want to achieve something to set a goal. My goal is to stop drinking so much.  I never actually said it out load, but the reality is that's been a goal for a while only i didn't realise it.  I thought is was just a desire. As i have turned page after page in this book I have been setting myself up for success and today we explore goal setting and I can't hide from this.  I am going to Gaol.  To the GOAL GAOL.  I hope the food is good and they have wifi. I expect the sentence to be short - only about 16 pages, but when i get paroled.....watch out world.

So today, i am apparently like 2 different people.  the one who is the thriving sober person and the problem drinker. hang on. I don't have a split personality. This week has been about identifying more with the sober person and sending the problem drinker to solitary confinement - with the never to be released rubber stamped onto them.

We are on the verge of a breakthrough in terms of shifting our thinking and the big question today is this.  Am i willing to forgo the short term satisfaction that drinking brings, to ensure the bigger-term happiness and fulfillment i desire in life. Yes Judge Judy, I AM. And the next big question  that relates to just about anything in our life is this.....Is this action going to take me towards my goal or away from it. These are big questions to answer. I am achieving great things, but could i be achieving more?

So as i head towards my breakthrough, here's what i have achieved and understood today. Our theme which is making goals an integral part of success - not only for not drinking but for life. The short-term trap, whereby our short term thinking sets us up for long term failure - guilty as charged cause i realised i don't always need to see what's around the corner.  Sometimes i need to have a clear straight path ahead and the prison guard with the keys to unlock my SMART goals arrived. I have to be ready to see the warden in another 24 days, so i better get cracking if i want to get parole and go ahead and thrive with my new found freedom.

Action 1. Write three goals for your thriving vision
Okay here goes. where did i put my copy of goal setting for dummies
1. I commit to be alcohol free for the duration of this 30 day program and a further 15 days following the program
2. Each day by 6pm I will have completed my book chapter and actions and read the upcoming chapter in preparation for the next day's solution
3. I will make a list of the qualities i am looking for in a loving partner who will support me with my vision of not drinking or drinking less in the future, while doing creative, healthy and fun and loving activities together. I will complete this list by 20th March.

Action 2. Create a plan to review my goals
I will review my goals, vision and mantra over my morning coffee and again in the evening before bed. Ensure you review them as though they are already accomplished and you can feel them happening.

Action 3. Review "new you" notes from day 3.
Remind myself what I have to gain and who I will become by setting these goals.

On the verge of the breakthrough, i felt like this....
still sick
7pm feeling like a glass of wine but have recognised how far i have come on the journey
I reread my vision
I drank lots of tea

6 days alcohol free.....that's a lot less bottles to have to carry to the recycle bin

Day 5. The Believe-In-Yourself Solution

Believing in yourself and believing it is possible

Okay get a cup of tea....cause i'm going to babble on about self belief.  Oh man, this is hard, cause each day there is a whole new thing to bend my brain cells and consider and challenge my thinking. I'll make an A grade student yet.   It's day 5 and the comfort zone level is not that comfortable.

It's really hard to believe in yourself when you don't have any self belief.  I see so many people do amazing things and yes i do amazing things, but i think there's another level of self belief we are capable of.  Like i am on the mezzanine level of self belief and i want to be at the penthouse.  It's like i know i am capable of doing most things, but i want to believe that i can reach beyond anything possible and achieve my wildest dreams.  My own self limiting beliefs sometimes keep me sitting just behind the start line at times.

Today we had to think back the days before we stopped drinking - to the old me. Was sitting on the couch drinking glass after glass of wine a great choice or is the feeling of sitting on the couch now with a clear head a great choice.  I can tell you that having 5 days of supported alcohol abstinence feels pretty darn good.  I feel really present. What i am learning to believe is that it is possible to go without alcohol, it is possible to have fun and be happy without alcohol.  In fact, i did this everyday until that point came where i poured a glass of wine.

With my journey of being alcohol free, I have to overflow with self belief so that changing the habit of drinking becomes effortless. I have to get to the penthouse of self belief. They say in the book that its possible to either give up completely, or cut back to a take it or leave it level and it's determined by what we believe we can do.

My brain has had to absorb a lot today starting with our theme - we have to believe we can. We look at the turning point where we began to understand the flow of the program and shift our thinking towards being alcohol free. We have to acknowledge the number 1 reason.....the no 1 reason why people don't thrive in sobriety is because they don't believe they can so it's easier not to try. Teetolling was the buzzword. We understood the power of the placebo and how we can believe what we want to believe. And lastly the confirmation bias - where we believe something because we want it to be true, not because it's necessarily so.

They were good action items today, so i got right into them.

Action 1. Review the list of teetotallers
There's a whole lot of them - Ice T (my future drink of choice) Fat Boy Slim, Kristin Davis, so so many and let's not forget POTUS. President Trump.  he doesn't drink and thank fuck for that i say. Imagine him after a few shots of tequila, groping girls, threatening to build a big wall, telling people they are fired and having access to that button......you know the one, the one that says "push in case of emergency". I'm out of tequila, let's push that button and get another bottle delivered. oh hang on, it has to come from mexico" Aren't we lucky he doesn't drink. Clearly his hair has had a big night though.

Action 2. Stop using CAN'T
I love to use the word can't but it usually has the letter U in it. Can't is one of those words that straightaway sets us up for a fail. I can't stop this, or I can't do that. It's creating a limiting belief.  So i have to be conscious about using the wrong C word.

Action 3. Confirmation bias and your drinking
Use the truths, rather than believing what you think is the truth. And this isn't just in relation to drinking but other aspects of life where you might be self limiting.

* red wine is good for you - is it, if you drink so much that it's affecting your life and the life of others
* i don't drink as much as so and so, so i mustn't have a problem - if i am drinking enough to think i have a problem, then it doesn't matter what anyone else does. I probably have a problem

And today went something like this.
Still unwell
had a terrible sleep
entering into my 5th alcohol free day.

I was asked out for a drink date. I declined the booze and agreed to go for a coffee date instead.  He was a dud - alcohol wouldn't have made him any better!

I have enjoyed not having alcohol in my life this week.
7pm - not wanting to drink, but drinking lots of tea
8.30pm - did feel like a wine but only because i was feeling a bit stressed, not because i actually wanted it.
Celebrating 5 alcohol free days and have planted the seed in my son's head that this is a very powerful book for anyone dealing with not only addiction but who wants to make life change.

Day 4. The Forgiveness Solution

Embracing forgiveness and creating and abundance of love and happiness

Today we had to let go of the past and step into the future of a life filled with happiness and joy.  As i read through the chapter, we had to drop everything and start to write in our journal about the people we need to forgive and why - it didn't all have to be done to day, cause could you image writing a list of those folk.....the guy who cut you off in traffic back in 1986,  the old lady who cut in front of you in the woolies queue back in 1993, the bitch that took the last pack of tim tams in 2007.....are you wondering why this is even relevant?  well it is, because people hold onto shit. Stuff that happened last century. People hold onto it and let it drive their miserable life forward. Instead of feeling freedom and spirit (not the let's have a flaming lamborghini) but the spirit of life that isn't glued to painful events of the past.

We can keep blaming everyone else till the cows come home for why our life is why it is, but girl, those cows aren't coming home but when those chickens come home to roost you might want to have the kettle on the boil, so you can make them a nice cup of tea and send them on their way.

 

I remember when i was a teenager, my girlfriend said to me.....how is it you don't blame people for problems in your life. Seriously, this was our teenage conversation. She said that i could have so many people to be angry at yet i didn't lay blame on anyone or anything. Life just was what it was and i rolled with it. 

In my early 30's i did start to do some forgiveness.  I did feel angry at some people and especially at some events of my life, but i chose to free myself from this cause i knew it was holding me back.  I have read and reread the Louse Hay book You Can Heal Your Life and it focuses on forgiveness and self love and i give it a lot of credit. Our power is right here in this present moment and it's here we can choose how to use it.

So when i had to do my first action item today, i didn't feel i had anyone to forgive, including myself. I'm not angry with my parents, my siblings, my teachers, people who bullied me at school, old colleagues, I can't find anyone.  I have forgiven them all, even those who have done unthinkable things to me. I don't have to forget, or trust those people again, but i have the power of my own freedom.

So here's my dilemma.....I don't have anyone to forgive, and yet i have had some stupid drinking practices that i have acknowledged and am changing.  I guess i was always my own unique little being.

If you are following on my journey, and feel that you are being held back by events from the past, then forgiveness may be what it is that takes you forward.  It is hard to forgive people who have caused genuine pain, but try, and allow yourself to take back your power. Don't give it to anyone else.

There wasn't a lot of action items today (but they are big ones) but we covered off all this - our theme Forgiveness. Embrace it and go about creating an abundance of love in our life. The slippery slope, where we associate drinking with fun and freedom and eventually find ourself drinking everyday and in larger quantities and for all the wrong reasons.  We looked at what we deserve - and had to acknowledge that what we deserve is what we get - i deserve a life where i can achieve amazing things, and it doesn't have to involve excessive alcohol. We have to forgive ourself to free ourself and learn to love ourself -this is coming from someone who has a giant pink I LOVE YOU post it smack bang on my bathroom mirror. I'm gonna link back to my recent self-love debrief here, in case you want some tips. Go look in the mirror and say i love you for starters  It's really difficult for many people, but love is the answer and will help us on the way making this change.

Forgiveness is the only way we can release ourself from the past  

Action 1. Complete the total truth process
Start to forgive and release that guilt, resentment, anger and shame. I wrote the following:

I am forturnate to have done so much forgiving of myself and others.  I acknowledge, accept, release and move on.  I am very thankful that i don't hold onto the past.

Action 2. Forgiveness affirmation and mantra.
We have to keep this close by and be a repeat offender.
I release myself from all demands and judgments that have kept me limited.  I allow myself to be free to live in joy, love, peace and sobriety.  I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that i am worthy and deserve to have what i want. I am now free. I release all others from any demands and expectations i have placed on them. I choose to be free.  I allow others to be free. I forgive myself and I forgive them.  And so it is.

I LOVE MYSELF

It's all quite fucking deep, but then you can only make change if you are prepared to dig deep.

So how did i feel today?  Not much to report.

I didn't sleep well - I'm sick.
7pm.  I feel like a glass of wine, but am having soda water and a cup of herbal tea instead.  I can see me and tea becoming firm friends.  I also revisited my vision.

If Carrie Bradshaw believes in self-love, then who i am to argue and so i go forward 4 days alcohol free and with a whole lot of learnings and a whole lot to come. x