Opportunity - Sharing the Janergy Effect

Opportunity - a time or set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something.

How many times have you had opportunity knock on the door and you haven't let it in?

I have, and sometimes it has kept knocking and knocking and I still haven't let it in.

The bell rings
It yells out
It looks under the door and calls out
It peeps through the keyhole
It goes away
Comes back
And practically breaks the door down to try and get your attention
But for whatever reason, you just wont answer it and let it in.

Eventually though, you get the message that maybe those "opportunistic" moments are presenting for a reason and maybe you need to take notice and open the door.

One of my favourite movies is Yes Man where the main character takes on the challenge of saying YES to everything and I mean everything, and with that brings great adventure and positive change in his life as he overcomes his fear of the unknown. Sure it's a hollywood blockbuster, but the message is very clear - SAY YES TO OPPORTUNITY WHEN IT PRESENTS, even if you feel scared.

Over the past 6 months since I was made redundant, I have been open to all opportunities. I even saw being made redundant as an opportunity to consider what else might arise here in Melbourne and I guess the biggest thing it did was give me time to think about what I want next in my life.

I used my time to do some personal development, get some life coaching and see where my strengths are and how I can use them to my advantage. I tapped into a lot of free events that I found on facebook and meetup and went along to see what I could glean.

One of the great things I did was attend a free public speaking course. It was amazing to learn in really simple steps how to get up and talk in front of a group. At the end of the night I volunteered to get up and do a 2 minute impromptu speech to about 30 people. I talked about finding purpose and how I wanted to pursue some things that would satisfy me in a personal and professional way. I talked off the cuff and felt an incredible sense of achievement from this. Was it uncomfortable - Yes, was it worth it - hell yes. But I saw an opportunity and I took it.

Work opportunities have been less forthcoming, so I have had to think about my longer term plan. Maybe my opportunities aren't here in Melbourne, as I have found that securing ongoing work hasn't happened and the financial impact has been devastating. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Melbourne, but I need to take notice of the resistance that is surrounding me.

I have found that the more I have tried to lock down my future here, the less it seems probable. Six months is a long time to hold on for maybe, so I am listening to this loud and clear and taking notice of the blockers. There's a big world out there and maybe I am meant to be out there amongst it.

When you apply for over 100 jobs and get only a handful of interviews, then you have to wonder if there's a bigger plan ahead, right? And with that, I need to act.

In my last post, I talked about meeting a lovely man and as we have spent time together we have both agreed that maybe our opportunities are elsewhere and with that I have joyfully accepted this and set the motion of change in effect.

I have given notice on my place and begun to downsize my possessions so I can travel lighter. I have a lot of stuff and I don't want anything to hold me back. I already paid for most of it to be in storage for the past 3 years at a staggering cost of nearly $5000, so I am prepared to give it all away if need be, because as much as I love these items, I don't love them enough to pay to keep them locked in a warehouse gathering dust.

My "One Day" is here and I am freeing myself of all this baggage. I hate to think I am living in a throwaway society, but I have to take charge of my life and be realistic about circumstances and things need to change.

I started to unpack everything I got out of storage and it turned into a garage sale. I literally opened my garage door and put some stuff out to sell. How's that for opportunity.

So what else can I share about opportunity?

• If something keeps nagging away at you, then maybe it's opportunity trying to get your attention? Listen to it! My ex husband kept nagging away at me and eventually I listened and I realised that the opportunity to live a happy peaceful life was passing me by.
• If an opportunity arises, take it, jump on it, embrace it. You may welcome it wholeheartedly, or you may not think it is right for you or has any benefit, but you'd be surprised what doors open up just by saying "yes". Whether it's opportunity to further your career, go on a date, get up and speak in front of strangers, take a road-trip, whatever it may be, JUST DO IT. Use it to broaden your world and your life experiences. You can always change your mind if it isn't working, but the opportunity may not present again, and you don't want to live with regret.
• Embrace fear. Make it your friend and let it guide you to bigger and better things. The comfort zone is a great space if you want to live in comfort, but being out of your comfort zone is where our magical moments happen. The more uncomfortable we are, the greater opportunity it gives us to grow our confidence and abilities and to enjoy our life.

 

Over three years ago I said yes to moving to Melbourne. It was an opportunity that I didn't want to regret pursuing, so I took it. It's been a great adventure, but maybe its purpose has been fulfilled. In fact, I know some things have. I always wanted to live here. It has enabled me an incredible amount of self-growth. I have made some amazing friends who have stood by me along this journey. I found my voice and I like it. I feel empowered, confident and strong and that my not have happened had I stayed in my safe space.

I have also met the lovely man and had my heart healed. However our journey turns out, I know that the care and kindness I have experienced in the short time I have known him is something I have never experienced before and it is an absolute joy to have had that unexpected opportunity.

My bigger picture is now to move to Canberra, pursue some contract work there, get myself back on top financially and then see what opportunities present and I will be doing this with my new found love beside me.

Opportunity awaits and I am ready for it.

See you soon for the next word that I pull out of my lucky dip. I can't wait to see what it is.
💗

Entree to Love: the sheriff's in town

Ha! So my quest for love continues as does my commitment to my idea of Entree to Love.  What I can report, is that there is nothing to report. That cloak of invisibility is still shrouding me, but what is exciting, is that other people are excited about the idea of connecting in the real world.  I WANT EVERYONE TO GET EXCITED! And there has been a little bit of word of mouth happening, but not enough yet for me to hold an event - well I could hold one, but not sure how the mingling would go.  Come on people, get on the love train.

I nearly fell over dead when someone told me that they heard there is a man drought in Melbourne. I don't need to hear that, and I am sure that all my single women friends don't need to hear that. Pretend you didn't hear that women friends.  I am doing my best to smoke all the good ones out. I will leave no dry man pond unturned.  I will make the baron wasteland of man drought flow like a volcanic eruption of man juice. (Should i put a submission into mills and boon? I am sure i could make the morning news sound sultry, not just the weather).

My friend recently posted this on instagram and I was like hell yeah. And I often ask people who talk to me about stuff whether they are the driver or the passenger in their life.

So with regards to love and finding the right love, should we wait for it to happen, or go in search of it just like any other goal that we have. Should we be the driver or passenger?

I think with love, sometimes we have this kind of fear, or taboo that comes with wanting to a part of a healthy loving union, like oh, i don't need that, we don't deserve it, or our past hurts hold us back from being open to the experience, so we base all future possibility on the past fears, or on the other side, is the horror of being rejected.

Rejection does suck, but it's also a part of life.  We get rejected for jobs, for a house contract, my credit card sometimes gets rejected, but we just have to keep moving on.  The rejection factor with online dating is usually savage.  But don't take it to heart.  It's not you, it's them...unless you are doing the rejecting and if you are, then there's probably a reason why. But put your big pants on and do it in a way that leaves everyone's feelings intact. And if you do get rejected, be nice. Not everyone gets excited by your big fish, or your selfies with the toilet in the background. If i had a dollar for every get fucked, or fuck off fat bitch, or stupid old bitch, then I'd be on my way to retirement. SAVAGE AS FUCK!

I posed the question today about how much do we leave to chance when it comes to love or how much do we make our own destiny.  I have always been someone who has had the universe intervene in the most unusual ways in my life.  So why isn't it intervening in this aspect of my life?  I find it rather perplexing, so that just means one thing.....I can't leave it to chance. This isn't a bloody disney movie, this is real life. My life is full of love but I want the love where eventually I wake up with someone...someone who's happy to have my morning breath and doesn't think it's weird that I like my toast stone cold.

I have to put my creative thinking cap on to get the word out that I am (to quote my friend Elena), I am going for it. Cause I would rather be out of my comfort zone working towards my goal (and why shouldn't love be a goal), then sitting home on the couch waiting for prince charming to land in my lap (i like asian lillies and fresh cream truffles - just sayin).

 

Do you think James Bond would have made it out of that crocodile infested water, if he just said "she'll be right mate"? No, he had to seize a moment and say, I am going for it.

So here's what it has come to for me ........ A WANTED POSTER. hahahaha. The sheriff always gets his man right?  Thinking I might print some out and stick them to telegraph poles around town.  (I am taking this business very seriously). But seriously, like everything else I do with life, i want to embrace it, challenge myself and be open to possibility and have a giggle along the way.

If i don't take charge, who will?  I am going for it!

So i am going to continue to put the word out that I am looking for one awesome guy and as you know, I want to do my bit to help others connect along the way.  So if you want to get on board (not on board me - cause I'd like to get to know you first), but on board the entree to love bus, then get in touch.  I think it's going to be a lot of fun with a lot of positive support along the way for those of us who are out of our comfort zone just thinking that we'd rather be eaten by a pack of crocodiles, instead of running towards the opportunity to go for what it is we want. 

Stay tuned, cause the love sheriff's got her bubble gun ready for when she needs to make an arrest.

the entree to ENTREE TO LOVE

Happy New Year love bugs

Well, I am so excited to be shifting my writing focus onto something a little more lighthearted and hopefully more fun this year. 

I've actually kicked off the new year feeling really fresh and it's amazing how many people have actually said to me "jan, this is your year".  Like have literally come to me and said it. I'll high five that. Thank you very much, please have my year delivered to the door in daily fun installments.... cause it's MY FUCKING YEAR!

I've even written it on a giant post it....that's how much of a year it's going to be for me and I am adding the things that I want to achieve.

 

I was thinking about the writing project I just finished and it was amazing how as cathartic as it was, it was also something that kept my mind thinking and thinking about how I would interpret each piece of written work.  It was quite exhausting (but fun). The topics weren't heavy but the road I was taking seemed to be.  In fact it was bloody heavy at times, but that was then and this is now and it feels like I have lifted this massive weight off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, I thought about quitting numerous times, but I am so glad I didn't.  It was a journey that gave me more than I ever expected on a level of personal growth and freedom.

So what now?  What on earth would a spunky, funny, sassy, single in the city kinda girl want to turn her attention to? What could it possibly be? Have a guess? That's right, it's love.  LOVE
elle
ohhh
veee
eeeeeeekkkk
spells LOVE.

As I have navigated single life the past couple of years, the thing I was hoping for was to meet a nice fella and go on a journey.  What happened though, is that I met a few fellas, some good, some bad, some good/bad and some downright ugly and the journey's reflected said good, bad and ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean who the fuck are you, kind of ugly. Trust me, the screen shot folder in my phone is full of candid camera moments, from dick pics, to messages, to screen shots of people's profiles that have just left me laughing and horrified and wondering 'who the fuck are you people"?  I know who you people are......you are NOT my people! Bet you are all dying to see some of those. Anyway, don't sweat the small stuff right, I am an expert with the block button and this time has given me the strength, reflection, patience and desire to consider what it is I want and the type of person who I want in my life. And I am 100% sure of what I don't want and 100% sure of what I do want.

 

In defense of the highlighter guy, he was asking what my shoe size was......but why the fuck would he want to know that? Hello freaky mcshoefetish face.

What's been interesting though is that I have not met one man in the offline environment. That has been the case always with me. They just don't gravitate towards me and when I do meet men from online, they can't believe that I and single and don't have guys swarming around me like I'm the queen bee luring them to the honey pot. There's been no response to my upturned bananas in the shopping trolley, or feeling the ripeness of my melons in the fruit shop.....nada, zilch. zero.

Even though my online conversion rate hasn't been fantastic - the ghosts, the breadcrumbers, the stinky catfishers, the married, the flakes, the can't be arsed and as sad as that is, the face to face conversion has been nada...zilch....zero. I could walk through the valley of the men dolls while naked, handing out free tickets to sporting events and beers and I would wager a hundred bucks that they wouldn't even notice. Maybe that's a little far fetched, but you get the idea.  N.Z.Z. 

If it wasn't for the world of online dating, who knows how the fuck I would meet anyone and get my social needs met. How do I change that face to face interest?  That's going on my list.  I am wondering though if there are rules against joining a nunnery after your cherry has been popped?  Maybe that's a business venture to consider for women considering a career change when the cloak of invisibility has been thrown their way and their popped cherry's become something in the dried fruit aisle. Only useful to make a Christmas pudding, and shit Christmas has gone and they have to wait another 12 months for the fruit to be soaked so to speak.

So dating has been an hilarious part of my water cooler conversations at work and out of work, with belly laughs a plenty that come when we discuss said good, bad and the ugly and my newly coined N.Z.Z.

My kicker came when I was stood up by the same guy twice after he initiated contact and the catch ups he arranged.  Happy to give someone the "make a fake excuse once", but twice just doesn't cut it and with that I was kind of propelled to think about this whole dating and love bizzo and what I could possibly do different to ensure I win the prize that I have my eye on. And that prize is to be shot by cupids big fat arrow right slap bang in the middle of my heart.💘💘💘💘💘💘💘 so it sprays bursts of red heart glitter everywhere with each pounding beat.

Through my conversations with others, there is an undeniable desire for people wanting to connect with others in the flesh, before they flash the flesh and get their flesh all hot and sweaty. Think old fashioned dating.  It was a thing once and maybe everything old needs to be new again. People I know really want to find something more meaningful and to step out from behind the keyboard and interact in person. The online world has gone mad and it is bloody hard work, with not a lot of return on investment. People are fatigued by it, and what I have noticed is that it's an ego boosting tool when you match with someone and that person never initiates or returns a simple message.  "Hey, look, someone likes me" and then.....N.Z.Z

So following my kicker, I was propelled to put on my thinking cap and take matters into my own hands and come up with an idea.  I am reaching out to people I know who are single and have single friends who also have single friends and see if I can bring us all together.  Not like keys in a bowl kind of way, but in a like meets like kind of way. Think of it like the right kind of love virus to keep spreading.

When I floated my idea with my sister, she also thought it was a winner so I am sharing with you ENTREE TO LOVE, my idea to bring people together with food and genuine opportunity to meet and interact in a safe real time space. I see it suited to those who are over online dating, are wanting to meet someone special, make new friends of same and opposite sex or to take those first scary steps back into the dating world without being slapped down by the BS that comes with one of the few either expensive and nasty, cheap and nasty or free and nasty sites that are swamping the market.  I wanna keep it real people, because I am real.

When the name came up there wasn't one hashtag, the name wasn't taken, so I took it as a sign from the love gods and I am running with it.

And here's how I want to do it.  I want to combine my love of vegetarian food and cooking, communicating, creativity, warmth and happiness, passion for people and love of love to see if I can make a difference to those like me who really want to find another loving soul to be with and are open to whatever may come along.

It's not a matchmaking service (although I have a few success stories there) but it will be an even mix of men and women and I will only ask for a small cost (like 30 bucks) to cover the food that I will arrange for the gathering.  It may be dinner at my home, a picnic in the park or who the fuck knows what hair brain idea may pop into my head.  It will also be alcohol free.  I am not anti-alcohol, but think that it's a great idea to keep things clear headed when we being considerate of other people and their feelings.

And that's it.  I am holding my first one on Saturday 20th January and will schedule as interest dictates, but at least one a month.

You can follow along, or contact me for more information through

Entree to Love instagram
Facebook page
or email me  at entreetolove@hotmail.com

I look forward to sharing some some stories, and recipes and adventures and anything that will make its way to Entree to Love and I hope that you go through your friends list and friendzone list and consider whether people you know are ready for something like this, or if you would love to be a part of it.

And with that, hello 2018 and hello to love.....it's gonna be my year and hopefully yours as well, especially if you have been looking for love in all the wrong places. xxxx

The next 30 days

Well I guess you may be wondering why i have a picture of a book called The 30 Day Sobriety Solution? Well I don't just have a picture, i actually have the book and i am reading it.

So where do i start here without sounding like i am some closet alcoholic (which i am not - or i don't think i am).....i am winging it i guess, but as I continue to grow as a human and want to live my best life possible, then it only makes sense that i do things that enhance, rather than hinder my time on the planet. 

I have committed to living consciously - it is my year of tantra - and I can't do that if I am making choices that don't align to my belief system and goals that i wish to achieve. It's like robbing Dan Murphy to pay BWS. And I have now committed to exploring a period of being alcohol free and who knows, maybe never drinking again - that's something only time will tell, but for now, i will go one step at a time.

I'm a strong, together, fearless woman, so why the hell do i need a book to help me do this, when i could just not have a drink when i get home or when i go out. I tried that.  My willpower isn't very strong - just ask the easter bunny, who lures me in each year to buy and eat more chocolate than i ever need.  However, my desire to drink isn't actually something that enters my thoughts during the day, so i don't believe that my consumption of alcohol is all consuming, but i believe it is a habit that has grown over the years, and due to my lifestyle. Apart from having a few drinks at night, i would only have a drink on the weekend during the day if i was doing something social or occasionally where i may stop and have a late afternoon drink if i was out. I work in an industry that has zero tolerance for alcohol and drugs and i would never do anything to compromise my job, or the safety of me or anyone else.

I don't drink because i am unhappy, or depressed, or stressed, or to drown my sorrows or mask pain from the past, i like a drink because i have actually enjoyed it and because it is a habit.  What i have discovered though is that at times i have drunk enough to warrant me to question whether the outcome of having a few drinks is benefiting me in any way and i have to conclude that it probably isn't so. 

I remember my first taste of alcohol - teenage experimentation, where i was in the home liquor cupboard making a little mix of everything in the cupboard cause that's what teens did. It tasted like shit, but as teenagers do, they sometimes continue on experimenting and having a few crazy experiences as part of our journey. I was no different.  I didn't really drink very much from about 17 onward, because i got my license and going to the beach on the weekends and being able to drive was far more important than anything, so drinking wasn't that big a deal. I was also having panic attacks (which i wasn't aware of what they were at the time) so i wasn't interested in going nuts.  I also had a child very young and drinking didn't really factor into my life that much then either. I didn't not drink, but i didn't drink much.

As time progressed, i had my moments of partying and celebrating and enjoying the odd spew or 2, but it was the lesser, not the norm.

When I drink, i am the same as when i don't. I am happy, fun, giggly, silly and then i go to sleep. But what i noticed, is that i am just having a glass more than i should and that's too much.  My mother has never cared for booze.  My father though, was an alcoholic who would be abusive, drink and drive and from memory seemed to always need a drink. As the combination of those two people, i guess it has potential to go either way.

My drinking kind of became more frequent when i met my ex husband.  He was a big drinker and an angry drinker. He would drink to the point that some kind of trigger would cause him to snap.  He wouldn't remember anything from his abuse of me and others, his actions that i would watch unfold, as a great night would suddenly turn into one sided fight because i looked at him the wrong way, or me or a stranger said something that he felt offended him. That's not healthy association with alcohol and even now in my apartment in the city, i am awoken by drunken couples screaming on the street after having too many drinks.  To hear the fear in these women's screams is not okay, and breaking that cycle is very hard.

Enough of the past hey, but context is important. Let's look ahead and keep our eye on the prize. Like most people, every night was wine time. I love a glass of wine or 3 - red, white or pink - it doesn't matter, some bubbles - red, white or pink, it doesn't matter, some beers, a tequila shot or 2, an espresso martini makes me tingle all over and nothing like a bailey's and ice to sip at the end of the night. NOTE. I do not have this combination each time i drink.  This isn't a chinese buffet where you get to have everything on the menu, they are just some of my faves. 

I've lived alone for the past 18 months and i don't have anyone to share a drink with, i only have myself and the change in my personal circumstances has bought a change in drinking habits which i don't believe are for the better.

I've had a few times when i have woken up after having been out, or having a few drinks at home and gone - that's enough - i feel crap, did i really drink that much? And i don't think i want to drink anymore. There's been a few nights here or there where i haven't drunk, but it's pretty much been everyday - like most people. I don't want my future relationship to be with aspirin, and the wrong kind of fuzzy feeling.

I don't want anyone to think that this is a cry for help because it isn't - it's far from it. I am perfectly fine - happy - healthy - and totally okay. There have been a few events over the past months that have got me thinking about different aspects pf my life and outcomes i want and i want to make clear positive unimpaired choices. My son is staying with me as he addresses his addiction to codeine so it seems timely and fitting that i should set a great example for him while doing something great for me. 

I didn't set out to find this book - The 30 day sobriety solution - i'd never even heard of it, but chanced upon it at an op shop - so i guess it found me and wants me to use it. And that's exactly what i am going to do and document my journey along the way. I really want to understand the psychology behind addiction given my current circumstances, but also, I am 50. i'm at a time when most people are making change because they need to.  I am making changes because i want to and i really want my life to open up even further for me.

You know what, i have a great life during my time when i don't have alcohol, so i am pretty sure i can have a great time just being me and doing what i do when i would normally be drinking......sounds fair hey!

Of course i am not sure what the outcome of this will be - what emotions or feelings i will have or what to expect, but there is only one way to find out and i guess i'll know when i reach day 30. This is the right choice for me at this time and of course if it helps anyone make change for the better, then i want to help lead the way.  Let's hit the record button and see what happens.

just call me love, self love!

As I mentioned in my last post, i wanted to do a little debrief on my recent 14 day BE MY OWN EFFIN VALENTINE mindset makeover.

Everyone of those 14 day self-love thought bubbles gave me something to explore, challenge, work on and actually come away feeling and thinking a bit differently about some aspects of my life. Some I was already on board with and some have become added, or enhanced to stock up the janijans life tool belt.

So here's what i took away.

Day 1. MIRROR MANTRA

So i am always telling everyone how amazing I am, in a non show pony kind of way. People sometimes take a step back and get a bit freaked out, but i am happy to own it. So for me the mirror mantra had to be something that kind of summed how i see myself - a life slayer. hahaha. i also added another one to the mirror. I LOVE MYSELF. And this is for anyone who happens to visit my bathroom and looks in the mirror and is confronted with that same uncomfortable feeling of "oh shit, everything didn't flush away, what do i do. do i do a double flush and hope that no one notices" kind of feeling. Own the double flush and own the big pink sign and go - oh that was uncomfortable. And if that big pink sign does make you uncomfortable, then i suggest read it again and again and stay in there till the beads of self love sweat disappear, or refrain from using my bathroom.

Day 2. GRATITUDE

I'm a big believer in gratitude and am truly amazed at how this simple practice can make such a difference to life. I've started a gratitude wall so i can be reminded each time i walk past of the many wonderful people and things i have in my life. 

My friend has this amazing connection to the universe and has no fear asking for what she wants. I'm an incredibly spiritual person and my gut feeling and intuition are always almost on point. These are 2 different things but with a strong connection and I'd like to open myself to the universe a bit more. So along with the gratitude post its, i am also asking the universe for more. Let's see hey. Nothing wrong with asking right!

Last night my friend messaged me and reminded me to ask the universe for what it want. Lo and behold i receive a message from a charming young man and i can assure you this is not what i asked the universe for. no no never especially with either of these buffoons. This is just another in a long line of not so suitable suitors who just know how to make a lady feel special. So old, tired and boring...and i am not talking about me!

3. HEADSPACE

I am so lucky that in my younger life i was given some great tools to keep me mindful. I've never been that much of a meditator as such but one of my top tricks was to do this every hour - stop and drop my shoulders. Try that one at home, or in the office, or wherever. Having your tight tense shoulders squashed up against your ears is very unromantic, cause there is better things to have rubbing up against this area. So leave the shoulders where they belong. It's amazing how much of a tension measure this is.

Day 4. NOURISH

Now more than ever i need to nourish and more holistically. this week i think i reached my low in terms of knowing what to do next in my current circumstances and i'm actually sick and it sucks. Of course i will keep doing what i am doing to support my son, but i also have to look out for me. I am feeling pretty run down and as someone who is so in sync with their body, it's sending me a message.

It's time for my self-love smoothie, It isn't the green smoothie, but a detox smoothie instead.

blueberries (i hate blueberries, but i am going with the flow)
banana, fresh or frozen
coconut water or milk
vegan protein powder AND
milk thistle extract.

I'll keep you posted on this one but i don't have a pic of it yet, cause dah....i haven't made it. But if Janice Dickinson and her smoothie is anything to go by, then i am scared, very very scared.

Day 5 and 6 HAPPY TUNES, DANCE OF LIFE AND CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

So music has always been part of my life. Going to sleep with music has been a bigger part and up until my son arrived, i would put my bose on and slumber off with this background treat every night. He's not really into it, so i have not had this for a few months now and i really miss it.  And i'll be EFFed if im gonna move the bose in and out of my room each day. No No No. So rather than continuing to miss out on this really important part of my daily ritual, seems like a trip to JB Hifi is on the cards to restore law and order and bring beautiful music back to my sleeping ears. And then i can have my happy and sleepy tunes without causing anyone else discomfort.

DANCE OF LIFE

Each to their own, but how can you not love to dance. I am still doing my salsa dancing, but with any life changing circumstances, you need to modify what you do to make room for other stuff that needs attention. when i do go to salsa class, it doesn't matter how you feel, one thing is guaranteed, you will walk away feeling like you are floating on air. One of my all time favourite dance floor tunes is Praise by Fat Boy Slim. When my old neighbour got married many years back this was their wedding dance song..so cool. I was dancing to this in the lounge room the other day and to my surprise, my son joined in for a moment. I was great to see that little bit of joy come across his face.

If you are in Melbourne and want to feel the power of dance and get a bit out of your comfort zone, then i encourage you to check out the silent disco run by Guru Dudu. I have done 2 now and really need to do another before they finish up soon. There are happy tunes and dance galore and the endorphins flow faster than passion pop at a school formal.

Day 7. LOVE JAR

Yep, i have made one and will read one each day for me, and one to share with another.  As part of my conscious living this year, i want to reach out to people. I really do believe that the world is such a small place and we don't do enough to connect with others. i also have thought of some other ways to use this love jar as well. Not for anything weird, but to maybe put other notes in there that i wish to share apart from beautiful things i would love to hear someone say to me.

Day 8. SMILING

I am all over this one.  My smile is as big as a fucking sunrise and i share it willingly.  Smiling is one of those things that you can use to FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. If you feel crap, just smile - lift those little things up that sit on the side of your mouth. (I call them crusticles)

ORRRRRRR print out my smiling face and stick it on your fridge.  You are bound to smile back when you are confronted with this ball of smiley face everyday.

Day 9. LOVE YOUR CHOICES

Am i loving my choices?  Yes, yes and yes. i have been guilty of making choices that were not in the best interest for me but you do them for various reasons and even i knew that some of them were just dumb. I have to say that the weird and sometimes wonderful world of online dating has actually opened my eyes to the very real issues that me and other women face when you have the audacity to say no to a man. What this has given me is a new found empowerment to stand up for myself in a variety of forums. I laugh off the pathetic responses when I challenge someones poor behaviour for not accepting their inability to accept that no means no. I'll be more than happy to wear around a t-shirt that says i'm a bitch, or pathetic, or uptight, or bitter or old fat and angry cause i said NO! Haaaa and on that back it could say - i tried online dating and all i got was this lousy t-shirt.......

Day 10. CELEBRATE

Okay so I am still good at celebrating others people's wins and not so much my own....Sort that shit out janijans.  So i am a big believer in linking.  Whether it's the link arms and dosey do, kind of thing, or when you have something you want to change and you decide to attach the thought to something you already have or do.  SO I NEED TO CELEBRATE MORE.  People often ask me why i have writing on my hand at times - so school girl i know - but often if i have something i want to be mindful of, i just write it on me.  It catches my attention and then becomes the reality. Sooooo to remind me to CELEBRATE, i have done this.

and i'll keep refreshing it till it becomes second nature.  I'm gonna get a giant bag of party poppers tomorrow as well, cause firstly i am all out and i love them and secondly, what better way to acknowledge my wins then with a small explosion of popping goodness. I spose i could pop a fart, but not always appropriate. I'm getting a bit excited about this now. (wish i had one right now)  can you imagine it.... I make the perfect crema on my coffee...POP. when i wake up with the perfect bed hair - POP POP and when i actually find 2 socks that match in my draw....POP POP POP.  i see good times ahead.

Day 11.  GO SLOW

I can't tell you how much i love to go slow....to be silly, to have fun and to play. I love to lie on the couch and daydream, I love to play pool, play in the sand, board games, card games....i don't care, i just love anything that connects with my inner child and when i saw this ad on telly recently, i realised that i need this in my life....it's up there with nerf guns, which i also need in my life.

I am actually going out quite a bit without my phone as well.  hahahaha i even went on a tinder coffee date recently and forgot to take my phone. If i wanted that "get me out of here" fake emergency call, it was never gonna arrive.  I would just have to be upfront and say - hey, sorry, you just aint making my pecker pop.  thanks, nice to meet you and all the best.

Day 12. TAKE THE LEAP

So yes, i am taking the leap. The two things i am passionate about are slowly churning. one is finding LOVE - when you realise that you have settled for less than you actually deserve for far to long then it's okay to invest some time into doing it properly. i have been going on "some meet and greets, let's make awkward small talk and no i am not coming home to fuck you so don't even ask" moments. some of those frogs should never had made it past tadpole stage. they could do with a fairy god mother to come and give them a good talking to about how to treat a woman and sprinkle them with a little magic decency dust. So as part of my conscious living in relation to dating....here's my new rules.  I am only meeting for coffee for a first date and probably a second.  A genuine man who may hold the same values and wants the same outcome as me will hopefully respect and understand the method in my madness.

i am reading an amazing book at present and i can't share just yet, as it is gong to be pivotal to a very personal journey i am undertaking and want to share.  It has the concept of READY AIM FIRE. So often we spend so much time looking for the target to take aim at, that we never actually take the shot. The leap of faith advice is to take the shot.  Go see where it landed on your target and adjust the next shot knowing how far or close you were to the bullseye.  Do something, rather than nothing.

who knows, you could just end up doing something you never though possible in one of the fashion capitals of the world.

Day 13. SUPER YOU

I actually feel like a bit of a super me. I don't like to compare and I love to inspire.  I am reading a book at present that i will begin to share and as I read it and did the action steps, this passage in the book really struck a chord with me. No matter what experiences I have had in my life - many traumatic, many life changing, many that i have just gone WHAT THE FUCK, one thing has been constant.  My ability to cope and find a way forward. Regardless.

The mature human being goes about doing what needs to be done regardless of whether that person feels great or terrible. Knowing that you are the kind of person with that kind of self-control brings all the satisfaction and confidence you will ever need.  Even on days when the satisfaction and confidence just aren't there, you can get the job done anyway.....

This really sums up my get up and go attitude, however the "mature" bit, i don't really agree with. A very dear friend and colleague recently told me that i have 2 powerful gifts.  One is my ability to think differently and the other is my knack of communicating it.  I feel that there is a place for me to really harness this and use it to help others  READY AIM FIRE.

Day 14. AWAKEN YOUR HEART

My heart is so awakened and opened and ready to invite more in. Hell, i'll even leave a spare key at the concierge desk to just make the delivery easier.....BRING IT ON!

So after undertaking that 14 day makeover I really do feel more inspired and excited to look at some things through a new lens and keep my momentum going.

My next post is going to be the start of a journey that i never imagined i would be undertaking, but it's timely and totally aligned with my year and life of living consciously. I expect that there could be a bit of WTF.......but that's okay cause i am on my own journey and i always welcome others to come along for the ride and glean anything that they can take away and use and use it with gusto.

Till next time.  LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

DSTSS - I'm so slack

78. Cut yourself some slack

Sometimes I find it really tricky to come up with an analogy to represent certain aspects of this book and today is one of those days, cause i actually have a lot on my mind at the moment with things that I could so easily become frustrated, stressed or really reactive to. Even me the cool calm collected cucumber who usually has all the answers on the tip of her tongue is stretching my problem solving skills while trying to be thoughtful and respective. But i'm gonna cut myself some slack and consider all the options.

The overarching message of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is to develop strategies to live a peaceful, relaxed and loving life - for yourself and for those around you - without being affected by negative events from the past or worrying about what events may transpire in the future. Just live in this moment and make it great and make an effort to make the next moment even better. It's a fine balance to reach, hence the topic Cut yourself some slack.

Anyone who has decided to or has had to make change in their life will always encounter frustration, cause ya just want whatever it is you want to happen as quick as a snap crackle pop.....and sometimes it just doesn't work that way. So you gotta cut yourself some slack, Relax. Go with the flow and let your ship set sail.

The message i take away from this chapter is to be kind to myself, keep moving forward knowing that i am doing the best i can even if it feels like i'm going nowhere. I am cutting myself some big arse slack.

Note to self: If you set sail on your ship and see an iceberg ahead, then take heart, what you see on the horizon may only be a harmless god damn lettuce, giving you nothing more to worry about than whether you will use it to make sang choy bow or a salad sandwich, both of which are good choices, given what you would normally expect an iceberg to be capable of.

So as this year is my year of conscious living it means i have to walk the talk and go about doing things that enhance my life for the better.  My don't sweat the small stuff project is now parked for the next month as i want to revisit the 14 day mind set maker over that i did with @steelymystyle on Instagram and then i want to share a personal journey that i have begun and i hope it will inspire you to think about your life, your choices and what may be possible if we choose do things differently in our life.

DSTSS - It's business time

77.  Acknowledge the totally of your being

Over the past two weeks i went on a little mind set makeover which was so kindly shared on instagram by @steelemystyle in the lead up to valentines day. we had to BE OUR OWN EFFEN VALENTINE.  Single or not, love should start with self, and self worth is so intrinsic to our inner peace and happiness. It can be really hard to shut down the negative feelings and views we have about ourself, they can consume us and stop us from going about living a happy, fulfilled, open life.

I'm no mathematician, but most businesses have a profit and loss sheet and the bottom line is about the profit they make - the POSITIVE, but with profit comes losses and they want to minimise these - the NEGATIVE.  What if you look at yourself like a business and draw up a profit and loss sheet of all the great things about yourself and the things you think are not so great. You probably find that the profits far outweigh the losses. And if you do find that the negatives are really in the majority, then what a great opportunity for self growth and change.

I can't quite recall the trigger or time in my life where i went from being a happy child to a child, then a teen then a young woman, then an older woman who always lived with negative vibes about myself. Always comparing myself to others and feeling less worth than everybody else.  That behaviour had to stop but it didn't stop till my early thirties.....far too late i reckon, but better late than never.

As i went through my earlier life, my loss sheet always seemed to far outweigh the profit. It didn't matter that i could play piano, was a championship swimmer, a gymnast, could play any sport, had a big circle of friends and an incredibly creative mind. It was always the negative stuff that mattered. But i have managed to turn those negative thoughts and fears into profit. The things i didn't like, i consciously set about to change.  I made the profit account so fucking big, that the losses were non existent, or so minimal that they didn't matter. And this opened up my world so much, from defining my sense of self, my style, my life and as i became kinder to myself, the world became kinder to me.

My sister recently posted the pic above on instagram and I look at that little girl and i just send her so much fucking love cause she really suffered for a long time and unnecessarily.

If a business doesn't do something to address their losses, then there's a high chance that eventually, the losses will cause that business to shut down. And it's exactly the same with people.

Here's what i did.  I CHOSE to be kind to myself for a moment and then another moment and then another.  I chose to accept whatever negative feelings i had regardless of whether they are real or perceived and embraced them for one moment at a time. Those moments began to join together and make bigger moments and eventually, i was able to let go of whatever thing it was i didn't like about myself or my life and put it onto the side of profit.

What's your business model going to be?  One that is set up for personal success? One where you can look at your ledger and know that it may not be perfect, but at least it has profit? Embrace any feelings of doubt, fear, judgement and learn to love them all.  That girl below has managed to do it and so can you.

Note to self: Turn those losses into profits. Be your own personal boss, accountant and bank manager. Don't let anyone else decide how you run your business of self. I may not be perfect, but i am okay the way i am and with that comes opportunity be better.

DSTSS - a simple formula

74. Do a favour and don't ask for or expect one in return

So as part of my commitment for conscious living this year, i really am thinking about what's important to me and how i go about daily life.  for anyone who followed the events prior to my move to melbourne, you would no doubt understand that i needed to do something to keep me sane while turmoil was wreaking havoc, which is why i started my don't sweat the small stuff project anyway.  i only have to look at the cover of the book now and it plants some kind of grounding affect on me.  so yes, i am committed (or maybe i should be committed for plugging away at this) but it's still relevant especially as i now move into another chapter of my life.

i did start the content of this post many months back - over 184 days ago, which was when i stopped writing, but i think the content is still as relevant today as it was when i began to compose it. and if life stuff is overwhelming then take heart, there is always a positive way to deal with it that will keep you from going bonkers.  you just need to find the right formula and this project certainly worked a treat for me. and now, i'll finish the post that i started all the months ago.
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I am doing myself a favour and not asking anything in return.  I have picked up this bloody book and moved on with another chapter.  My determination to not have this unfinished business (ie this project) is still burning within me, so i must listen to that little voice that never seems to let me down. #innerpeace and #hurrythefuckup

I'm not sure whether i have delayed, because the subject seems a no brainier, or whether i just have had to many other things to be doing.  Maybe it's a bit of both.

so i was inspired by a presentation we had at work this week and it really fits this chapter of the book perfectly....Do a favour and don't ask for or expect one in return

where i work, we support a charity each quarter and on casual friday, we donate our spare change to go towards this particular charity. this quarter is big group hug a charity that helps support vulnerable children at the time of their life when their developmental requirements are so essential, but can be non existent due to way that life is panning out.  children who don't have food, nappies, clothes, a place to live and sometimes parents who need to try and feed their children before looking after their own needs. this charity is not supported by the government, but to hear their story and the work they do was both humbling and inspiring.

as most great things do - it started with a hair brain idea and snowballed.

there was many scenarios and stories shared and the one that resonated with me was of a person who decided to provide formula, for a baby she didn't know for as long as that child needed it. talk about "do a favour and ask for nothing in return". it was genuine compassion and caring for the needs of another.  what was amazing about this story, was that when this family moved out of their local community, the woman continued on with her commitment of helping by arranging home delivery of the formula for as long as was required.   it would be lovely to think that this child is now thriving due to the kindness of a total stranger.

i think about my move to melbourne and the financial impact this has had on me and someday's i would love to have a box of formula delivered to my doorstep (in the form of chardonnay or pinot grigio)

by the time a child is three, the weight of their brain is not that different to the size of an adult's brain and this charity is doing their best to ensure that basic needs are met for these children so they can thrive and survive. isn't that something we would all wish for another human - to at least have an opportunity?

that's a really big example of doing someone a favour and not asking for anything in return. the take away here is that by doing something nice - a favour - a genuine act of kindness without the need for it to be reciprocated may bring a sense of peace and if you appreciate and understand the power of peaceful living, then it may be another way of ensuring this part of your life continues. and i for one am all about peaceful living and giving where i can.

note to self: the formula for life is not one that can ever be calculated, but you can always do your own sums and decide if what you give outweighs the expectation of what you want to get back. for me, i'm at a place where the importance of giving seems so much more powerful than what i may receive in return.

hello wooorrrrlllddd - i'm back, now let's get our tantra on!

so facebook, the keeper of all things of importance has advised me today that it's been 183 days since i posted onto my page - that's 183 days since i sat down and wrote anything.  i'm not sure why i stopped, but i just seemed to have so much going on that each week this would just get pushed back and back till eventually it stalled.  there might have been a bit of blogging burnout thrown in there as well. Regardless of how big or small your blog is, it requires commitment and thought. and quite frankly, i just couldn't commit or think....but i am back, i think!

last year was a fun one though, as i continued to settle into melbourne life and find my feet and of course, fashion featured heavily.

highlights - i turned 50 and took my clothes off down by the yarra on my birthday eve at the suggestion of mr x. they say that timing is everything and the backdrop was to die for, unlike my white bridget jones undies, but mr x was instrumental in making my birthday week a great part of my life story so i stripped down. i guess that's what spontaneity is about, being in the moment regardless and that white underwear was what it was.

i also had quite a bit of hot sex (most of it with mr x) and went on a journey of sexploration. but in order to do that, i needed to challenge a part of my moral makeup that i had been guided by for most part of my life and i did it willingly without guilt or inhibitions, and that was very empowering. yep, i bonked a 27 year old - bet you weren't expecting to read that mum, but i'm not ageist and i'm gonna make choices depending on how i feel, not on what others think. and it became apparent to me, that i am a seriously hot mumma - only took how many years? but i am still scratching my head, with my extended middle finger as to why some men of various ages, think it's okay to engage with woman with such demeaning and totally inappropriate greetings and behaviours. Fella's it isn't and never will be a turn on to get a pick of your sad little peen or to be just sexually objectified. eeewww

i know that probably seems kinda weird for a woman standing in her underwear on the banks of the yarra to be talking about sexual objectification, but i did that for liberation.

i also learnt to salsa dance. this was a total blast and it will continue this year, with the aim of doing it as a more social thing.  it's quite daunting to put all those lessons into practice with strangers who will hopefully be understanding if i mix up my inside and outside turn, confuse my hammerlocks with my copas....but i'll keep plugging on regardless.

my use of time was also a constant thought in my mind and i was reminded by my friend Elena, that time is the only thing i will never get more of, so i have plastered a few giant post its around my place to remind me every time i walk past or look up from my technology that i should use my time more wisely.  a giant post it is also a great way to get stuff out of your head that is bothering you.  put it on the wall and let it just do its thing and make its way to your subconscious where it become second nature.

i picked up my paintbrush - a very good use of time.  so therapeutic and there will be more of that happening.

i got divorce papers from the man whose life i apparently ruined, when i chose not to be a verbal and emotional punching bag any more and the man who could never love or live happily again, but is getting married to a woman he met on tinder 5 weeks after we officially parted ways... we agreed to discuss divorce if it every became relevant - guess it became relevant. A joint application is only a joint application if the other party knows about it....just sayin! And i finally had the courage to tell that man to GO FUCK HIMSELF...i wanted to say that for so so long, cause being guilted, even after all this time is just not on. passive-aggressive behaviour is not the new black. (I think i probably have a whole other blog post about living in the shadow of overbearing men - save that for another day). but good luck to him for maybe finding the one who will make those poor behaviors become redundant. 

i drove the great ocean road in my convertible - that was a blast and have since gone on to sell my car.  it was serving me no purpose as i can ride my pushie, walk or catch the tram across the road which takes me to my 2 favourite places - doc pizza and tiamo italian restaurant. #winning 

i discovered that i really liked being on the back of a harley. vroom vroom. my convertible was great, and i think i might need to invest in a scooter so i can have my own vroom vroom.

my beautiful son outed himself as a codeine addict and reached out for help.  he's now under my caring watchful wing taking all steps possible to recover by relocating here for a while as he gets back on his feet. kudos to him for taking the hardest step, cause it's not a quick fix and not something i am an expert in managing, but we will take one step at a time.  i told him that i can't be on the playing field with him, but will be there cheering him on from the sidelines, as he takes this part of his life journey.

i re-read this book again (only about the 4th time) but it drives me to be mindful about how i choose to live my life - either living in a pit having pity parties, or embracing and making the most of every moment and challenge that i encounter. 

oh and my sewing machine broke down #sadface. that was a bitch! but it's back and ready to stitch up some goody good janijans designs again. 

goodbye 2016. hello 2017.

so as i headed into 2017, i was thinking about the year ahead and some of the things i want to achieve.  i haven't made a TO DO list or any resolutions - only to be more awesome maybe, but rather a TO BE list and that's where the tantra comes in.  i want to practice more conscious living and hopefully loving...so tantra is my mantra. i don't want to just DO, i want to BE and i want to continue to become an even better version of myself.

i want to BE a better human - for me and those around me
i want to be a better salsa dancer
i want to be out of my comfort zone
i want to be open to all opportunities

and "TO BE" requires conscious living in relation to thoughts and actions. sure i can switch on the autopilot but i don't want that to be what gets me to my destination. i want to take charge.

But there are a few things on my TO DO list and most relate to human connection. i want to connect with more people and as i have reflected on this late last year, a post popped up in my facebook feed from humans of new york.  it was about a woman who moved to a new city and thought that everything would just happen, just because she was in that new space that it would all come together. (no no no no no - it doesn't work that way).....she said that "relationships don't just happen because i exist" and i had that moment of wow, i want to dig deeper and work harder to consciously connect with others.  i need to reach out and make more effort in order for this part of my life to fill.  It doesn't come naturally to me to talk to strangers, but i'm gonna fake it till i make it.

I'm going to continue to support my son with his addiction recovery and it seems timely to finish off my project of not sweating the small stuff - dang - there's not that many chapters to go and it's gonna help ground me a bit.  i've never had to assist someone with addiction before, so it's paramount that i take care of me, so i can be on my A game. Maybe focussing on this will help, as it did when i was going through major life change previously.

and what's this.....a ukulele.  yes i am going to learn to play this gorgeous blue instrument and hope to find space for an electric piano. playing piano was one of the first things in my life that i really new i wanted to do even before i ever had a piano and dang i miss it.

so, here's a few other things on my list
- talk to at least 3 strangers every day
- smile at more people - this is a genuine connection that may make a difference to somebody's day
- start writing again - tick!
- be fearless
- say yes to almost everything
- continue to play by my own rules
- be more empowered and pave the way for those who want to get out of their comfort zone
- don't accept less then what i deserve as a woman and a human
- learn to network
- help bring others together - yes, i have a plan.  at work i am called the glue.  i didn't give myself that name, but seems i have an ability make things happen and keep people connected.  i want to explore this more.
- to let the universe do what it does best and be open to it.
- and to find love that flows freely and joyously.  as humans it's our evolution to be loved and give love and the time is now right for me to give what's in my heart and mind to someone who wants to have this ball of joy and fun in their life.

yep, there's a lot of me me me here, but this is my journey and as that book why wait to be great says, we write a life story that can be filled with so many experiences, both amazing and difficult and i want my story to be amazing even when i have to navigate through the rough parts.

So, i pose the question, how do you intend to fill the chapters of your life story. hopefully there is something here that may resonate or inspire you to look at your world differently and to reach beyond your comfort zone and create an amazing story going forward.  go for it.!