hello wooorrrrlllddd - i'm back, now let's get our tantra on!

so facebook, the keeper of all things of importance has advised me today that it's been 183 days since i posted onto my page - that's 183 days since i sat down and wrote anything.  i'm not sure why i stopped, but i just seemed to have so much going on that each week this would just get pushed back and back till eventually it stalled.  there might have been a bit of blogging burnout thrown in there as well. Regardless of how big or small your blog is, it requires commitment and thought. and quite frankly, i just couldn't commit or think....but i am back, i think!

last year was a fun one though, as i continued to settle into melbourne life and find my feet and of course, fashion featured heavily.

highlights - i turned 50 and took my clothes off down by the yarra on my birthday eve at the suggestion of mr x. they say that timing is everything and the backdrop was to die for, unlike my white bridget jones undies, but mr x was instrumental in making my birthday week a great part of my life story so i stripped down. i guess that's what spontaneity is about, being in the moment regardless and that white underwear was what it was.

i also had quite a bit of hot sex (most of it with mr x) and went on a journey of sexploration. but in order to do that, i needed to challenge a part of my moral makeup that i had been guided by for most part of my life and i did it willingly without guilt or inhibitions, and that was very empowering. yep, i bonked a 27 year old - bet you weren't expecting to read that mum, but i'm not ageist and i'm gonna make choices depending on how i feel, not on what others think. and it became apparent to me, that i am a seriously hot mumma - only took how many years? but i am still scratching my head, with my extended middle finger as to why some men of various ages, think it's okay to engage with woman with such demeaning and totally inappropriate greetings and behaviours. Fella's it isn't and never will be a turn on to get a pick of your sad little peen or to be just sexually objectified. eeewww

i know that probably seems kinda weird for a woman standing in her underwear on the banks of the yarra to be talking about sexual objectification, but i did that for liberation.

i also learnt to salsa dance. this was a total blast and it will continue this year, with the aim of doing it as a more social thing.  it's quite daunting to put all those lessons into practice with strangers who will hopefully be understanding if i mix up my inside and outside turn, confuse my hammerlocks with my copas....but i'll keep plugging on regardless.

my use of time was also a constant thought in my mind and i was reminded by my friend Elena, that time is the only thing i will never get more of, so i have plastered a few giant post its around my place to remind me every time i walk past or look up from my technology that i should use my time more wisely.  a giant post it is also a great way to get stuff out of your head that is bothering you.  put it on the wall and let it just do its thing and make its way to your subconscious where it become second nature.

i picked up my paintbrush - a very good use of time.  so therapeutic and there will be more of that happening.

i got divorce papers from the man whose life i apparently ruined, when i chose not to be a verbal and emotional punching bag any more and the man who could never love or live happily again, but is getting married to a woman he met on tinder 5 weeks after we officially parted ways... we agreed to discuss divorce if it every became relevant - guess it became relevant. A joint application is only a joint application if the other party knows about it....just sayin! And i finally had the courage to tell that man to GO FUCK HIMSELF...i wanted to say that for so so long, cause being guilted, even after all this time is just not on. passive-aggressive behaviour is not the new black. (I think i probably have a whole other blog post about living in the shadow of overbearing men - save that for another day). but good luck to him for maybe finding the one who will make those poor behaviors become redundant. 

i drove the great ocean road in my convertible - that was a blast and have since gone on to sell my car.  it was serving me no purpose as i can ride my pushie, walk or catch the tram across the road which takes me to my 2 favourite places - doc pizza and tiamo italian restaurant. #winning 

i discovered that i really liked being on the back of a harley. vroom vroom. my convertible was great, and i think i might need to invest in a scooter so i can have my own vroom vroom.

my beautiful son outed himself as a codeine addict and reached out for help.  he's now under my caring watchful wing taking all steps possible to recover by relocating here for a while as he gets back on his feet. kudos to him for taking the hardest step, cause it's not a quick fix and not something i am an expert in managing, but we will take one step at a time.  i told him that i can't be on the playing field with him, but will be there cheering him on from the sidelines, as he takes this part of his life journey.

i re-read this book again (only about the 4th time) but it drives me to be mindful about how i choose to live my life - either living in a pit having pity parties, or embracing and making the most of every moment and challenge that i encounter. 

oh and my sewing machine broke down #sadface. that was a bitch! but it's back and ready to stitch up some goody good janijans designs again. 

goodbye 2016. hello 2017.

so as i headed into 2017, i was thinking about the year ahead and some of the things i want to achieve.  i haven't made a TO DO list or any resolutions - only to be more awesome maybe, but rather a TO BE list and that's where the tantra comes in.  i want to practice more conscious living and hopefully loving...so tantra is my mantra. i don't want to just DO, i want to BE and i want to continue to become an even better version of myself.

i want to BE a better human - for me and those around me
i want to be a better salsa dancer
i want to be out of my comfort zone
i want to be open to all opportunities

and "TO BE" requires conscious living in relation to thoughts and actions. sure i can switch on the autopilot but i don't want that to be what gets me to my destination. i want to take charge.

But there are a few things on my TO DO list and most relate to human connection. i want to connect with more people and as i have reflected on this late last year, a post popped up in my facebook feed from humans of new york.  it was about a woman who moved to a new city and thought that everything would just happen, just because she was in that new space that it would all come together. (no no no no no - it doesn't work that way).....she said that "relationships don't just happen because i exist" and i had that moment of wow, i want to dig deeper and work harder to consciously connect with others.  i need to reach out and make more effort in order for this part of my life to fill.  It doesn't come naturally to me to talk to strangers, but i'm gonna fake it till i make it.

I'm going to continue to support my son with his addiction recovery and it seems timely to finish off my project of not sweating the small stuff - dang - there's not that many chapters to go and it's gonna help ground me a bit.  i've never had to assist someone with addiction before, so it's paramount that i take care of me, so i can be on my A game. Maybe focussing on this will help, as it did when i was going through major life change previously.

and what's this.....a ukulele.  yes i am going to learn to play this gorgeous blue instrument and hope to find space for an electric piano. playing piano was one of the first things in my life that i really new i wanted to do even before i ever had a piano and dang i miss it.

so, here's a few other things on my list
- talk to at least 3 strangers every day
- smile at more people - this is a genuine connection that may make a difference to somebody's day
- start writing again - tick!
- be fearless
- say yes to almost everything
- continue to play by my own rules
- be more empowered and pave the way for those who want to get out of their comfort zone
- don't accept less then what i deserve as a woman and a human
- learn to network
- help bring others together - yes, i have a plan.  at work i am called the glue.  i didn't give myself that name, but seems i have an ability make things happen and keep people connected.  i want to explore this more.
- to let the universe do what it does best and be open to it.
- and to find love that flows freely and joyously.  as humans it's our evolution to be loved and give love and the time is now right for me to give what's in my heart and mind to someone who wants to have this ball of joy and fun in their life.

yep, there's a lot of me me me here, but this is my journey and as that book why wait to be great says, we write a life story that can be filled with so many experiences, both amazing and difficult and i want my story to be amazing even when i have to navigate through the rough parts.

So, i pose the question, how do you intend to fill the chapters of your life story. hopefully there is something here that may resonate or inspire you to look at your world differently and to reach beyond your comfort zone and create an amazing story going forward.  go for it.!

The sunday session 28 & 29 - the joy of tea-bagging

wow, what a busy couple of weeks.  I've had the absolute joy of having my little sister and her boys visit.  it's been a year since i have been able to be the worlds best aunty and also get to hang out with these guys and get to do some exploring around my new city with them.  And was it great...HELL YEAH!

speaking of exploring, when i moved to melbourne - nearly a year ago - i ran into my friend Beck.  In fact, i have managed to run into Beck at least 4 times in the city on random occasions. it's such a great feeling when that kind of universal collision happens.

she recently invited me to join her and her colleague Ramona at a natural dying workshop as part of their craft companion journey, i jumped at the chance.  check their book out.  it's totally cred.

these ladies are handmade life and have a gorgeous studio at the Queen Victoria Markets on Victoria Street, and even walking past and looking through the windows is enough to inspire even the least crafty person to get a bit excited about doing some simple fun projects.

on their link they have a variety of short workshops that you can do in an afternoon, while enjoying a fabulous afternoon tea, great company and laugh after laugh.  well worth checking it out.

at the session i went to, we were using products that we may have readily available to dye silk fabric and to learn about how you can also dye wool, should you wish to be a little more adventurous. knowing that you can take simple household products, such as turmeric, tea, berries and even onion skin and be so creative was right up my alley.

after learning about many of the techniques available, it was time for us to have a crack.

and we were introduced to the joy of this fantastic DIY.

we then got to prep our own dying project.

i decided to use magnets to bring mine together, but of course, there's soooo many possibilities.

 

my dyeing was done with turmeric - so impressive and yet so easy and voila - i have a gorgeous scarf. the yellow was an unusual choice for me, but i was drawn to the effect of the turmeric.

this is what you also get... hand made deliciousness..

so why have i titled this post the joy of tea-bagging, well, it's not what you think....but i really want to explore the simplicity of using the one thing that most people have in their kitchen to create an amazing natural colour palette. the tea bag. for me it evokes a colour reminiscent of the 20's and 30's glamour.

i love the feeling of this era and would like to put my own twist on it using teabag dyeing on silk and then creating some looks. bring on summer!

so let's step right into full colour and check out what i have been wearing.

on week 28, i was all about the snow queen look.  the white on cream on cream dream.  i was wearing a thrifted white linen skirt, cream jumper from uniqlo, cream vest thingy from lee cooper, brown boots from spurr and my fave cream fur hat that i op shopped sooooo long ago. i can't even explain how much i loved this look and i can't even explain it's simplistic elegance, but the word's simple and elegance probably don't belong int he same sentence if i am involved.  yet it just all worked.

for week 29, i am crushing on the double quilted ensemble.

firstly, it's double quilting.  that's what most people seem to have on their beds at present, but not me, i have taken it to the streets.

i picked up the skirt at uniqlo last week, and teamed it with a uniqlo turtle neck, my quilted vest i got in india way way way back in 2007, my men's shoes from tarocash and those hot pink tights. dang i felt good, with my big fancy hair and my dark sunnies, until the weather changed and then i kinda froze my tits off...we took my nephews ice skating - i didn't dress for this so sat it out, but after sitting for an hour at the outside ice skating rink watching my nephews and my sisters enjoy themselves in the absolute coldest and rainiest afternoon of the year, i eventually used my smarts and decided to fuck off home. where warmth and wine was the winning combination.

 

well, i am hoping i will be back on track with my weekly words, after what has been a few hectic weeks.  i'm off to go in search of silk, so i can make my tea-bagging dream a reality. 

thank you ladies of handmade life, i look forward to sharing this project and joining you for some other sessions. x

the sunday session 26 and 27 - love makes the world go round

i have this love hate relationship with online dating...you all know that right!

I hate it because i honestly didn't feel that i would find myself in a place whereby i had tap into this wild way of meeting potential dates and eventually maybe find myself in a new loving relationship. i hate it because some of the men out there don't know how to be kind or nice, or even gentlemanly. i hate it because i wonder if love is just becoming a string of transactional encounters with no substance at all. 

i love it because it provides an endless string of laughs that just keep me entertained no end but you do have to have a bit of a tough shell, so as not to take anything too personally. 

there are some lovely genuine men out there, who i have some great conversations with and who i have met and i can assure them, that i would never kiss and tell out of pure respect for our privacy.

i am all about witty banter and not being too serious. i don't want to go for long walks on the beach, or drives in the country, i want to make friends (of both sexes), go for some drinks, have fun conversation, be a bit silly have a dance and be in the moment and i think my online profile below kind of sums me up.  here's what it says. 

I'm looking to make genuine connections and get out and meet some new people and have a drink, chat, dance and laugh till we burst.

I'm vegetarian. genuine. iq + eq. smiling. coffee. salsa daggy & disco dancer. pool. fun. funny. fashion. happy. laughter. creative. free spirit. healthy. youthful. in the now. kind and super nice.

i dont do hook ups so don't even ask.

170cm non smoker

so that's it...... simple and to the point......unlike me!

what i want to share today is a string of messages i got from a guy a while back.  there is nothing here to give away his details, but this and a few messages from others was part of the reason i wrote about being the wife who left.  and wow, and that was probably the most freeing moment in my journey.

so, here's what happened.  I received an absolutley lovely message from the guy early one morning.  i replied with an equally lovely message and back and forth we went a few times. i eventually decided to give him my number and told him i wasn't really into sitting at home all day waiting for online messages in my inbox and he understood that. so the day went on.  i eventually texted him in the evening - a lovely simple message and left it at that. 

i awoke to a barrage of messages all of which floored me but also made me gut laugh till i cried and i decided that this deserves to be framed and put up on my wall and of course shared with my friends and also with any dates, as we discuss our online dating fails.   enjoy. 

Message 1

Hey... You... See your still up... ? I'm not on here alot like you... ?... But I Must say.... Your very interesting... In a good way... So let's get past all this... ? And how about you just call me !!@@ or are you To scared or to up tight to call me... I'm just waiting for you to surprise me.. ?

Message 2

Waiting on you Sexy lady ????

Message 3

P.s. it was nice to see that we both engaged in the norm as far as getting to understand each other... But I know you will puss me in ways that I've never been before... And I love it ??? I just want to jump into you... Your so yummy... And I just want to take a big bite out of you ?.... In all the right places... !

Message 4

Now you're going to say what an ass hole... And you would be write ?... But I've had afew drinks... So I hope you will forgive for the spelling and the .... Real thing that I would like to express to you ?.... Witch is.... I want to make love to you in so many ways.... And I think you really have a amazing body Jan....

Message 5

What a cave man ??? ... Geeze ?

Message 6

If you never want to text me back ,??? I will so understand.... After reading what I've tried to express ?... It didn't come out the right way ?

message 7

Over 5. O emoji, emoji, emoji

I read all of these and couldn't help but to piss myself laughing. i responded to this guy and told him i was floored speechless and i hope that when he woke up he had a hangover so bad that it killed all of these cave man style brain cells and then went about my business.

he texted me later (cause he had my number didn't he) and couldn't apologise enough.  he was embarrassed and said he would never like to think his daughter or anyone else would think he was like this..... i said apology accepted and we swapped a few more messages and i then cut him off when it because more obvious then the messages above that he was as needy as fuck..

speaking of needy, lets move on to some fashion.

i've had a busy couple of weeks, so am combining my last 2 weeks of looks.

hot look of the week was my leopard and stripy combo with the brown boots.

the faux pearl necklaces are eons old and to add some more spunk to the look, i clipped on a couple of flower hair accessories. bingo - spunky as fuck.

and last week my fave look was my jeans and chinese top combo.  i picked up this beautiful top in chinatown new york back in the year 2000.  i remember the day.  i paid 42 dollars for it (it seemed like a fortune for a cheapskate like me) but have never regretted it for a second.  

anyway that is it for the week - i got to get on with my day......  

i've nearly been in melbourne a year - can you believe that and i have to say, things are really starting to take off in so many way.....i love it and cant wait to share more as i seek out adventures and opportunities to fulfill my sweet life.  after all, i am the only one who can make things happen.

the sunday session 24 - jani jam drop

winter is well and truly here and i am loving the clothing challenge but i'm still pretty sure i am going to need some more layering staples to keep me going so my trips to the op shop will only increase till i've got all my bases covered.  the 5 minute walk to work is great, but once i get there it's so hot inside, that i just feel like stripping off till i reach a more reasonable temperature.  of course that would get me fired, so for preservation of my pay packet, i shan't do that!

i feel like i have so much to share today but before i get to my favourite outfit, i want to share how easy it was to make the fringed look in my middle bottom photo.  i bought the fringing from darn cheap fabrics at port melbourne (they have a great online store). I got enough fringing to go around my hips and secured it with 2 safety pins to hold it on.  easy and effective and can be worn over a variety of options.  as my love of salsa dancing heats up, having outfits that are floaty and twirly is also going to be on my radar and this one was fun, fun fun.

my favourite outfit of the week was this gorgeous two piece floral one that i made. i got this fabric a long time back and it survived the hail storm in brissy, thank goodness. i still still still can't believe i am finding glass and debris in some of my sewing stuff.  this fabric has has been very patient just waiting to be bought to life.  it's a stretch sateen from spotlight and i never realised how truly gorgeous the fabric was till it was made into an outfit.

i had quite a lot of it, so decided to make an a-line skit and an open sided tunic.  i figured that this style of top would be far more user friendly in both winter and summer. it's open from under the sleeve to the waist. I sewed a small seam at the waist and left it open again till the bottom.

there is even enough fabric to make an additional piece, so im thinking either a pair of gouchos (so 70's) or another pair of culottes with an elastic hem.  who knows!

I styled this look with a blue top from target, my black jo mercer boots and a vintage woven belt found at an opshop in Prahran.

As i was getting ready, i decided that this look had so much good stuff happening that to make it even better, i would style my hair with the beaded bobby pins i made which made me look as though i was wearing a floral headband.  these were made for a show in Fiji and they are super simple to make but so cute.  you only need some fine wire - from a craft shop, and various seed beads. grab a pair of craft pliers and start twisting. 

so i hope that has inspired you to get crafty.  if not, then i hope this can inspire you to get cooking.

jam drops - or as i love to call then.....JAN Drops!

these are super simple and super yum and here's the recipe.

Jam Drops

2 cups self raising flour
1 cup coconut
1 cup sugar
200g butter - melted
1/2 cup milk
Jam - your choice of flavour or use a combo of flavours.
oven to be moderate - 180 degrees.

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix well

Mix in melted butter and milk.  

You want it to be a little crumbly, but not too dry. Use a little extra milk if the batter is too dry. Somethings were never meant to be dry - okay maybe a martini...

Roll small balls from the mixture.  i used tablespoon size, but even a little smaller would be good. Oh god, imagine if you made a giant ball and made a massive Jam Drop....i might try that next time. the communal jam drop.

use the end of your wooden spoon to put a hole in the top of the ball.  this will squash them a bit.

put some jam in the hole.  when it comes to jam, i like to over jam, instead of under jam.
these do spread, so don't squash them together on the tray.

bake for 15 minutes until golden brown. and then cool on a rack and store.

enjoy the delicious that is the jan-drop.  these are a slightly chewy one, but they were a massive hit in the office with a number of people asking for the recipe.

share the love and the jan-drop i say.