the sunday session 25 - being bad-ass

one of my friends in brisbane who i used to work with put me on to this site - mind body green - and of course i am into all things mind body and green, so i signed up to have their commentary come through my email feed and i've been enjoying this for the past couple of years.

i have taken a lot away from this site. but i'm a gleaner - i like to skim through articles and take pieces that i can instantly apply to my life in order to enhance it.

one of the recent articles i read was about being a warrior - being a bad-ass - about being fierce about change and not living on autopilot, and to me that means not living routine - ritual is great - it can be special, but routine is same thing, day in day out. we deserve more than that in our life. are you breaking routine? are you out of your comfort zone? are you being lit up....are you questioning the "what if" moments and reaching for the things you see just out of reach and really want to grasp?  i see those things. i feel those things and wonder over and over again how i can hold them in my hand. i have so many things that i want to do to fulfill my passion.  do you feel the same way?

i've had moments in the past where i have sided with others to make them happy, to try and bring to life the moments that i thought were the right ones, but deep down i knew that there was a path that i knew was right for me..

but when do you break away and search out your own destiny. and i guess the bigger question is how do you do it?

i did this last year when i stepped into the unknown and threw caution to the wind and followed a dream.  a dream to live in a city that i felt would be an amazing experience. i got my warrior on and got my bad-ass on. i went fuck it, let's see what's on the other side.  it will either work out or it wont...phew, so glad it did?

Now from this article i gleaned a couple of things.....as i do..about how to be bad-ass
1. With any kind of change you need to expect that it will be uncomfortable.  We need to break away from the comfort.  take a new path. turn right instead of left, look up instead of down.  be mindful that there will be moments that you just want to slip back into that comfy packet of tim tams like existence, but don't.
2. go on an adventure, seek out opportunities and don't be afraid of failure. Cause there is no such thing, because life is about learning.
3. accept that your life will change as you step out of the comfort zone and those around you may think you are crazy. Live to keep you happy, not others.  i know for me, some relationships have sadly changed, but that has been a consequence of forging ahead with my life. and would i change things? No.
4. stay off autopilot. get uncomfortable. autopilot is not for bad-ass warriors. try this next time you get in the shower.  Step in with the other foot, wash your body differently.  see how routine things are.
5. feel no fear and be trusting that what you really want deep down may be closer than you think, if you have the courage to step out of the comfort zone.

i feel like i made magic happen, when i closed so many doors behind me.

well now that we are all on the road to being bad-ass, how about some fashion! and speaking of bad-ass, i just snuck in a pic of my ass in the hello kitty PJ's..... cause i could.

so my hot fave this week was the thrifted brown dress, i picked up for 12 dollars in the city. it's an 80's original and homemade to boot. It's such a classic style and instantly transported me back to those hilarious years.

i teamed this outfit with just the most simple of accessories, including my cream hat and brown boots. i really kind of summed up the winter vibe.

So i know i'm past the week where this should have been posted (see, being bad-ass), but stuff can just take you off routine.

So, here's a bad-ass story......Last night i was walking over to the IGA and when i came out a girl stopped me and asked if i was Jan.  Yes i said.  She introduced herself as Emma and said that she was a follower of mine on instagram.  She had seen me a couple of times walk by and decided last night to stop and say hello. She said she wasn't sure if she should, but decided to anyway.  Wow, i was so pleased she did. i gave her a big hug. That one moment was a human exchange that sometimes we just choose not to do. She lives just around the corner and i suggested we go and have a coffee or a wine.

So way to go Emma.  I think that just shows that if we tackle a fear, it's no longer something that should continue to hold us back, cause who know where it will lead us.

the sunday session 24 - jani jam drop

winter is well and truly here and i am loving the clothing challenge but i'm still pretty sure i am going to need some more layering staples to keep me going so my trips to the op shop will only increase till i've got all my bases covered.  the 5 minute walk to work is great, but once i get there it's so hot inside, that i just feel like stripping off till i reach a more reasonable temperature.  of course that would get me fired, so for preservation of my pay packet, i shan't do that!

i feel like i have so much to share today but before i get to my favourite outfit, i want to share how easy it was to make the fringed look in my middle bottom photo.  i bought the fringing from darn cheap fabrics at port melbourne (they have a great online store). I got enough fringing to go around my hips and secured it with 2 safety pins to hold it on.  easy and effective and can be worn over a variety of options.  as my love of salsa dancing heats up, having outfits that are floaty and twirly is also going to be on my radar and this one was fun, fun fun.

my favourite outfit of the week was this gorgeous two piece floral one that i made. i got this fabric a long time back and it survived the hail storm in brissy, thank goodness. i still still still can't believe i am finding glass and debris in some of my sewing stuff.  this fabric has has been very patient just waiting to be bought to life.  it's a stretch sateen from spotlight and i never realised how truly gorgeous the fabric was till it was made into an outfit.

i had quite a lot of it, so decided to make an a-line skit and an open sided tunic.  i figured that this style of top would be far more user friendly in both winter and summer. it's open from under the sleeve to the waist. I sewed a small seam at the waist and left it open again till the bottom.

there is even enough fabric to make an additional piece, so im thinking either a pair of gouchos (so 70's) or another pair of culottes with an elastic hem.  who knows!

I styled this look with a blue top from target, my black jo mercer boots and a vintage woven belt found at an opshop in Prahran.

As i was getting ready, i decided that this look had so much good stuff happening that to make it even better, i would style my hair with the beaded bobby pins i made which made me look as though i was wearing a floral headband.  these were made for a show in Fiji and they are super simple to make but so cute.  you only need some fine wire - from a craft shop, and various seed beads. grab a pair of craft pliers and start twisting. 

so i hope that has inspired you to get crafty.  if not, then i hope this can inspire you to get cooking.

jam drops - or as i love to call then.....JAN Drops!

these are super simple and super yum and here's the recipe.

Jam Drops

2 cups self raising flour
1 cup coconut
1 cup sugar
200g butter - melted
1/2 cup milk
Jam - your choice of flavour or use a combo of flavours.
oven to be moderate - 180 degrees.

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix well

Mix in melted butter and milk.  

You want it to be a little crumbly, but not too dry. Use a little extra milk if the batter is too dry. Somethings were never meant to be dry - okay maybe a martini...

Roll small balls from the mixture.  i used tablespoon size, but even a little smaller would be good. Oh god, imagine if you made a giant ball and made a massive Jam Drop....i might try that next time. the communal jam drop.

use the end of your wooden spoon to put a hole in the top of the ball.  this will squash them a bit.

put some jam in the hole.  when it comes to jam, i like to over jam, instead of under jam.
these do spread, so don't squash them together on the tray.

bake for 15 minutes until golden brown. and then cool on a rack and store.

enjoy the delicious that is the jan-drop.  these are a slightly chewy one, but they were a massive hit in the office with a number of people asking for the recipe.

share the love and the jan-drop i say.

the sunday session 23 - the pom pom passion

i'm late, i'm late for a very important date......i've been flat strap this week having a visit from my son which has kept me away from the PC.  but my motto better late than never will apply to this tardiness.

last week was another melbourne pleasure. i took myself on a few adventures in my quest to pick up some cheap second hand winter clothing to help me through the coming months and my super duper fave outfit was the pom pom jumper that i found in windsor.  it was like 10 bucks.

i am a pom pom lover that's for sure. i have a stack of them in my treasure box just waiting for them to find a new home and my favourite necklaces are never far from an outfit, even though i made them years back.

even when my sisters and i did a collection in 2013 for Fiji Fashion Week we were pom pom crazy and made so many pompoms to add to our collection.  crazy times!

anyway fast forward to 2016 when the love for pom poms still shines supreme.

there's one thing about wearing pom poms round your neck, or as earrings or as fringing, but when your front torso is covered in pom poms it's quite an eye catcher.  i have enough with my boobs leading the way, without adding these colourful tit-bits to them, but i really loved the sense of fun that they bought to my day, so i just rolled with it.

i really think this is a great DIY project. pom poms are easy to find and could be used to adorn any item that you might like to - beanies, bags, socks, scarf, end of your sleeves - the possibilities are endless and thankfully, i have a stack of these little joys to play with. maybe this is a watch this space....

so that does the fave outfit of the week and a little food for thought about how to use pom poms for something other than being a cheerleader.

well, i did title this blog pom pom passion - and i am thrilled to announce that i have had a bit of pash-on.....yep, a "catch up" with a 30 year old, where a lot of pash was to be had!  big deal you say, well i turn 50 in a few months, so high five me i say cause keeping an open mind to all possibilities was as good as finding a pom pom adorned jumper in a suburban op shop. unexpected, but glad it happened. and what makes it even more hilarious is that this guy used to live in the same apartment block on my same fucking floor.  the world is small and full of surprises.  

go search them out, you never know what you will find....

the sunday session 22 - rug up

it's week 22  and there was a lot going on, both on the fashion front and off.

i had some visitors visit, i had a random encounter with a women who was literally 2 degrees of separation and i enjoyed a few days of someone else being behind the camera for my ootd pics.  god i loved that - seriously, universe send me an instagram toyboy (of a decent age) who will be happy to snap away while i make love to the camera as i start my day and get to have fun with him when the day is over (just putting it out there #sorrymum)

so there were a lot of things happening this week and i'm gonna start at the beginning.

ok. monday, tuesday, wednesday... i looked great in some homemade and thrifted ensembles.
on thursday, i headed out for the day in a blanket that i decided to convert to a skirt.  how hot is this? yep hot! but not so much in the making!

friday i went all classic like.  saturday i had a day out with my visitors and then frocked up in a velour thrifted number for an art opening and on sunday, it was another day exploring over prahan way (or pra-RAHN) as say it - not pran as the locals do.  anyway there was so much to see and so much to eat!

so my fave look was probably the crochet skirt - cause it was fun fun fun and i made it myself.

what i thought was going to be a simple conversion ended up being a not so simple conversion from blanket to spunky skirt - but i got there in the end.  so here's what happened.

I picked up a couple of crocheted rugs at the op shop and decided that i would make them into fabulous skirts.

problem number 1 - they are very thick thus making overlocking a feat similar to climbing everest....achievable but challenging

problem number 2 - they are very thick thus making a finished polished look as unlikely as seeing posh spice wearing flats on a hike in the hollywood hills. you would like to think it's the reality but it just aint.  and yet, i perservered! until i hit problem number 3.  and still i carried on.

i wrapped the blanky around me till i decided how i wanted it.

then i pinned it to where it needed to be stitched.

and then i made the sewing machine do the unbelievable and stitch this motherfucker. this wool is so thick that it was a bit of a struggle.

and when that was done, it tried it on and jiggled it around about and contemplated how on earth i would put in an elastic band round the top. and here entered problem number 3.

in my mind putting elastic round the top worked a treat.....in reality it was a massive failure.

first up i cut a separate band of thinner fabric and sewed it inside out, and then i attached it to the wrong side and had to unpick it. by then i was a bit over the fabulous skirt made out of a thrifted blanket, so went fuck it. i decided to just sew the front seam in more at the top till it fitted me round the waist  (wool has a fair bit of stretch) and then i overlocked around the top VOILA. the opening down the front was intentional as i thought it gave a fun look.

here's the trauma of problem number 3.  anyway, it's under a shirt so it just doesn't matter.  some things aren't mean't to be pretty.

what matters though is about how hot this little number is and how perfect it was for a super cold melbourne day,  

i was literally wearing the blanket that everyone else wishes they were covered with in the freezing weather.

it was a busy week and when i had a random encounter with a stranger it proved to be one of those moments where you really need to acknowledge that the world really does move in mysterious ways. so come sunday night i took some time to remind myself of the importance of feeling grateful and thankful for the people who are in my life and the opportunities that i have and am making.

i also took some time to write down a few things i'd like to start achieving over the next few months. i'm not really a goal setter, but i think there is value in stopping and thinking about what it is that you'd like to achieve and work towards making it happen.

as for actually making any of these things happen i don't know how yet, but i know that if i don't at least think about it, then i'm not challenging myself as much as i'd like to.  i enjoy being out of the comfort zone that's for sure.

just as i was with that crazy crochet.

the sunday session 19 - what a tart

how's things lovely fashionistas. hope you had a lovely week. i did - but then, i always try to find the shining light every day.

i loved my looks this week - a mix of thrifted, home sewn, upcycled, some classic, some modern and of course colour. i never like to find myself locked into one look, it messes with my sense of adventure.

i think my favourite look was this one - the one i likened to a big dollop of whipped cream with strawberry.  i find this one quite out of character for me, but it felt amazing.  it felt quite classic and old fashioned and i really just wanted to go somewhere with equally stylish ladies and enjoy a high tea.  who am i!

the skirt was made by me using fabric from darn cheap fabrics at port melbourne. they have a few stores around melbourne and their fabric has a mix of low and high end quality and pricing, including fabric from dolce gabbana and other designers.  there is a price tag attached to some, but they do have a good bargain area, which is where i found this fabric.  it's a textured piece and it cost $6 per metre. the blouse was thrifted in the brotherhood of st laurence op shop in the city.   i teamed this with my red mary janes from jo mercer and a thin red belt from a $2 shop at south melbourne opposite the markets.

what i loved about this fabric was its texture and rather than cutting the skirt with the stripes across - the way they were meant to go - i let them run down and used the edge of the fabric as the hem detail. if you were ever wanting to make a super simple skirt, this is the one.  just requires the side seams and elastic around the waist.  it's super simple, super spunky and it worked a treat  i didn't have a slip to go underneath it, so i just used a satin flowery skirt which gave the skirt and extra hint of mystery.

now speaking of strawberries and cream, i have another recipe share..... and it's for these super fun tasty yumbo jumbo mumbo strawberry tarts.

get some medium size strawberries
some puff pastry
a bit of castor sugar
a hot oven
some icing sugar for later
and some whipped cream if you feel so inclined.

**
wash the cooties off the strawberry's, get rid of the green stuff and make the bottom flat, then turn them upside down and with a sharp knife, score the top - start to cut the strawberry like you were going to slice it in half from top to bottom, but stop about half way cause you don’t want to cut it in half. then cut it the other way like you were going to slice it in half from top to bottom, but stop, cause you don’t want to cut it in half right!

line a baking tray with baking paper.

cut some pastry into rounds a bit bigger than the strawberries (i did have to use 2 layers, cause i wanted extra puff). use a scone cutter, or a glass and a knife, or make a little template from paper if need be.

sit a strawberry ever so delicately in the middle of one of the puff pastry rounds (flat side down) and give it a good sprinkle of castor sugar. repeat with all strawberries.

whack them in the hot oven, for about 15 mins

and if you are like me, then keep opening the door to see how they are doing, and make sure they haven’t slid off the pastry

after the 15 mins, if the pastry looks puffed and a bit coloured, then those little tasties are ready. if you find that your oven has a mind of its own, then by all means adjust the cooking time.

and voila

if you are an eager beaver like me, you will try to eat one straight away, which could end up with a mouth injury, so wait a while, then sprinkle them with icing sugar before serving.

if you want to add a little dollop of cream before serving, then go for it.

here's to strawberries and cream, for both clothing and for the mouth. till next time xxxxx @janijans

the sunday session 18 - what a scrubber

here we are into the fifth month of 2016.  can you believe it.  they say time flies when you are having fun right! and i am having fun.  it's really exciting to be on this journey of self discovery, growth and this thing called life and being mighty fashionable along the way.

so out of my looks this week, i think the poncho hat combo was the winner. i now officially own 4 ponchos, but they each have their own place in my wardrobe.  the one in my pic was a vintage find on saturday at the brotherhood of st laurence in melbourne city - i didn't even have to pay extra for the collar.   my hat was a vintage find in brisbane many many years ago, my jeans are boyfriend jeans from target and my boots are merrell suede boots i picked up in NYC, way back in 2005.  overall, the combo is sweet.

so i have a couple of things to cover off this week.

1. on monday when we had the public holiday, i was wandering in the city and as i walked home, i stopped by the yarra.  i cant even begin to explain what i was feeling, except that it was energy - i have travelled to so many wonderful places - italy, spain, rio, india, sri lanka, canberra..... but the energy that was flowing in this amazing city was incredible. what was that.  I want more of that. maybe this is why melbourne is the most livable city in the world?  janergy is getting a run for its money. sorry brissy, but you never showed this to me in all the years i lived there. it was intoxicating.

2. i want to share a recipe of the non food kind - a recipe suitable for a scrubber.

so my lovely sister in fiji suggested we try some homemade facial scrubs she found online and i was so on board.  i love a face scrub and one that is not a little sissy scrub, but one that actually feels like it is digging deeper than doctor pimple popper and this one hit the mark. not only was it environmentally friendly, but it  has 2 ingredients and leaves your skin feeling amazing. welcome to the homemade coffee scrub.

so if you are like me, then you love coffee - good coffee - and accordingly to legend it has many uses. some people drink it, some people like to use it as an internal cleanser (thank you my strange addiction coffee enema episode for showing me things that can never been unseen). i will not be going to bunnings anytime soon to buy some plastic tubing! some like to bathe in it (haven't tried that, but i hear it's good) and someone (aka me) likes to use it as a face scrub.

wowsers this was good and here's what i did.

i have an espresso machine, so i have grounds at the ready, but if you are keen to try this scrub, then ask your barista for the leftovers from your recent coffee hit. 

i mixed my coffee grounds with some olive oil.  i have no mathematics for this but about a couple of tablespoons of coffee mixed with some oil to make a soft pliable paste is what you do.  i then stored it in a jar and kept it in the fridge.  as it has no preservatives, it ain't gonna last as long as a McDonalds burger, but long enough to be used, or to grow mould when at which time, it can be disposed off.  trick is to not make too much, i guess. 

so yes, here's a bathroom selfie - there is no pretty candlelit picture of me holding a glass of bubbly while flashing my perfectly waxed legs and manicured toes, but rather me, with a face full of homemade coffee scrub, which i'd like to add felt at first strangely uncomfortable and tingly as let i work its magic, but then, as i washed the brown muck off my nearly 50 year old face was then overcome with an incredibly fresh, soft, highly energised face.  i liked it, but guess coffee is a great  perk-er-upper-er!

well, i have a pretty lackluster beauty routine. i'm vegetarian (that seems to work a treat for me), love a splattering coconut oil on my face and sure i love putting on the mascara and lippy, but i can't be arsed taking any of it off before go to bed. i always was a rule breaker though....but my beauty routine is super simple - i've never even plucked my eyebrows -- that's how lazy i am.

so i have another scrub to try at some point, but i cant imagine anything living up to the beautiful simplicity of this homemade wonder, which is now gradually being used as an all over scrub, but will never be used as the other kind of strange addiction involving a piece of plastic tubing from bunnings.

and in the words of my fave ever brissy coffee shop - please don't ask for decaf, as refusal may offend and i suggest sticking to full strength if you plan of giving this a go, cause decaf will never cut he mustard in life, on your face and probably not even in a coffee enema.  

the sunday session 13 - 50/50

mirror mirror on the wall - which was my favourite outfit of all?

this week saw my usual burst of colour and a burst of cooler weather, which got me thinking - shit winter is coming and i'm not going to be prepared.  that's okay, cause i am not really a planner, but i plan to not get caught in a burst of freezing cold weather with a side of windchill and potential accompanying rain.  and so opens the dilemma of the coat.  should it be long or short, puffer or non puffer, circumcised or not (hood joke).....too much to think about and then my sister throws me a curve ball - you might need two - one that is waterproof.  For fucks sake, that tipped me over the edge.

i arrived in melbourne at the end of july and it was freezing and there was no way i was prepared but i was so busy getting myself settled and sorted, that i made do with what i had worn in the mild brissy winters.  it worked but i don't think it's going to work this year.

anyway, while i ponder what to do, i might just go straight to my fave look of the week - i think a giddy up is in order as it was my country and western look that did it for me this week.

the jeans from Big W, men's shirt from coles that i cut the sleeves out of, the western boots from wrangler DFO in brissy - i have never seen so many western boots as i have here in melbourne - i'd love to know why they are everywhere - and yet i never see people wearing them, and to top off the look i added some flowers in my hair - just because i could.  this outfit was pure balance (in my eyes anyway), from the colour combo, the styling, the proportions and the backdrop. i was winning, winning winning, so much so that a friend said i would fit right in at Tamworth. never gonna happen.

I did also decide to do a better version of the dick pic that women are getting up in arms about.

these rocks outside eureka tower are so funny that each time i walk past i have that "WTF" moment, finally a dick pic that doesn't make you want to vomit, but makes you want to gut laugh.  seriously, it should be illegal for people to send that shit. props to all the ladies who are taking a stand against such stuff and for speaking up and challenging bad behaviour.

well it's been a super busy weekend and one where i had a rather unexpected surfacing of some stuff - i call it the emotional hangover i had to have in order to continue on my life journey.

one of the things i really pride myself on, is my genuine care for other people and i have been grateful to have mentors and coaches who have helped pave the way for me to continue growing at becoming a better human.  words are one thing but the actions behind them are another.  for example, if you have angry words and back them up with angry actions, it's like a tinder match - you found a match they match, they have things in common and it's an expected outcome. and what if your words are positive and you back them up with actions that don't match - then there's a problem. people can say all kinds of fancy shit, but if they back it up with actions that doesn't match what is coming out of the mouth, then it's kind of insincere and extremely hypcritical to condemn actions of others.

i have found myself yesterday in a shitty headspace due to something that triggered me to once again question the motivation of people's behaviour. i am now having the courage to face it and release all of this stuff, stuff that has been stuck inside me due to fear of repercussion. i know the best way forward is for me to shake it off and writing about it is an incredible way to clear the head. i don't even care if nobody reads it, this clears my hangover.

it's never nice to be on the receiving end of someone else's anger and by anger, i mean anger that puts fear down your spine, makes you feel sick to your stomach for days on end, anger that leaves you feeling scared to speak up because it makes more anger, anger that leaves you wanting to run, but with no place to go, anger that leaves you feeling humiliated, shamed and ridiculed, that kind of anger. anger that you keep accepting and becomes trance like and you are helpless to do anything about it apart from being on the receiving end and pleading for change, anger that eventually brings you the courage to walk away bringing shock and surprise to those around you and anger that just got pushed upon me for years. it's at the surface now giving an opportunity to free it and move on knowing that it will feel great.  i couldn't even muster an easter egg yesterday - for realsies - and i fucking love easter eggs, that's how bad this hangover was, but today is a new day.

yesterday i felt angry - it's a sensation that makes me feel really uncomfortable - and it's never an emotion that i associate myself with - as i always like to find a work around - rather than getting angry - it doesn't serve a purpose for me, it never has, it never will, but i don't know how else to describe it. but i felt angry that i put up with stuff far longer than i should ever have done, while taking responsibility for and excusing someones else's behaviour out of total fear. i felt angry that my spirit got squashed along the way and i felt angry for finding myself in that position in the first place - regardless of what things may have looked like on the outside.

accept, breathe, release, send yourself love and move forward.  this shit obviously needed to come out and i have no fear in releasing it like a thousand fucking doves a la the style of a salim mehajer wedding - it will just enable me to fly higher and stronger and enable me to fill that now calm and free space with bigger and better things.

my dreams last night were extremely negative and frightening and i am pretty sure that was the gateway to saying goodbye to this crap - well, i hope so.

i chanced upon this postcard today and i have written before about walking in other people's shoes and knowing their story before you make judgement but when your own story involves aspects that eventually affect your inner peace, then you need to listen.

finding courage takes courage - it might be something that takes a while to appear on your life timeline, but when it does, know that it was the right time. i can only ever be in control of my own journey, and my 50% of any encounter i have and i want to go forward knowing that people i cross paths with will always feel safe, loved and cared for in a way that makes them feel okay, even if they aren't giving the same in their 50%, but you can only do and be so much.

so the past 48 hours have been a learning for me and a great opportunity to explore and share my journey, as fucked as it seems, i remain true to my thoughtful beliefs and values and what i contribute to my 50%. i am in no way perfect but yesterday my sister called me an enlightened being, ironically, these were almost the same words that were thrown at me when i dared voice my desire to want better than what i was getting and if i am an enlightened being, it's because i have worked really hard to ensure that i give 100% to my 50%.

this has been a hard, long but necessary post and one that i hope encourages anyone who reads it to the end to want better for you and those you love.

the sunday session 12 - hello stranger

right, i am going straight into business. fucken hell - 8 great outfits, one to debrief and a story. where do i start.

fave outfit of the week -- was it the top i wore twice? no. was it the chance to wear a puffer? no - that means goodbye to the warm weather. was it the shorty short kaftan? sorry for flashing, but no. vintage dress? warm and on par with the shiny flowery pink number, but i am drawn to the 1980's white blouse and the jeans.  it's just soooooo not me in 2016, but i loved the regalness of it.  it was a vintage find just sitting on the hanger waiting for some unsuspecting nearly 50 year old woman to walk by and appreciate its beauty knowing that it had made an appearance in a fashion lovers paradise last century but was still looking hot.

i teamed it with some boyfriend jeans from target which i rolled up and my men's shoes sans socks along with vintage mis matching pearl clip on earrings. it felt good, it looked good and it was my winning look of the week. now fashion is out of the way, it's time for a story...

when i moved to melbourne one of my friends who reads my blog said that i could be just like Carrie from Sex and the City and share my single city adventures.   Well, i have had a couple - really 2 but none that involve the lessons of love that Carrie would share.  And when i did write a story about being single in my new city, it was met with the broken hearted record that i had to listen to for so many months.  that record soon changed when a tinder match opened a door for the record player to change tracks - rather quickly and move on.  each to their own.

what i am so grateful for, is that i have had time to reflect, grow, grieve, release, consider, reconnect with me (the woman who was suffocating) and just enjoy my new life being me, while finding my rhythm without needing someone by my side to do it.  it's been very liberating and as each day goes on, i just feel more confident, more at ease and more free.  the free is delicious. it's like ordering your favourite anything with a side of free. you want it, you got it.... fucking enjoy it.

i know there was the whole fortune teller thing and that was awkward cause she said i had to search out love and i know there's been the past online dating horrors and it doesn't take long to get up to speed in the whole dating lingo - between the catfish and the fuckboys, it's like speaking a second language.

i discovered a number of instagram accounts that pave the way for women to have their voice when they have the audacity to say no or reject a man online.  i've been on the receiving end of this. oh god you are so gorgeous.....thanks, but i am really not interested in engaging further.......well fuck off fat bitch....if you ain't feeling it then it should be ok.  this is the reality for women in a world where men are more physically overpowering in the flesh and not okay and with virtual rejection. sorry ego. this at least gives us a voice of solidarity. this is not about power, it's about being able to say no, without retribution, because you have said no.  it's okay to say no. and it's brilliant to be able to voice the no on sites such as tinder nightmares and one of my favourites bye felipe, who also have a podcast.  i started listening and i've started learning more about the online dating world. it's the new reality, it's a thing, it's always going to be a thing. i'm not sure if it's always a great thing cause it's become transactional. i for one don't care for short term deposits and transactions and i am sure there are going to be men out there like me who feel the same. well i hope so. this is the future of any person finding themself with a busy life, working hard and looking for a companion. it's an online mine field.

i went out on sunday with a stranger.  yes a bonafide stranger. it was a him, it was his idea and i felt comfortable enough to say yes. we met online, shared some messages (after a bumpy start) but i actually felt okay about it.  there was grilling of course - cause there are some lines that the sisterhood just doesn't cross and there was a natural flowing engagement that i enjoyed.

of course, there has to be that moment when you decide to meet for realsies and ladies, do it sooner rather than later - rip that fucking band-off and let nature takes its course.

i did it and it don't regret it for one minute.

i agreed to pick him up (the stranger) and he agreed to take my ootd photo on sunday. i would normally never do such a thing, but my gut feeling was totally okay about it (what would my mother say).  today was only ever going to be coffee and conversation (for me anyway)

we drove to an out of the way location and he got to choose the backdrop.  i''d never seen this wall, but this was my kind of backdrop.  i am sure the decision was not about the act, but about the creative. i went with it.  he got to be the photographer, i got too be the model. win win.

after this, it was coffee and conversation and it flowed - i had awkward nervous - cause i don't ever do this....we ordered the same brekky - coffee and croissant, we both shared stories - creative, adventure, family, food.

we didn't end it there, we went to the gallery and we saw the warhol exhibition.  we took silly photos, we talked, we had fun - it was fun.  i like fun - he liked fun. it was fun fun

 

 we  shared a plate of food and we said goodbye.

this was just what the doctor ordered. i was out of my comfort zone, he got to be janergized (who doesn't love that).  i got to enjoy something that i have never experienced before and for me it was great.  i felt comfortable letting the guard down to speak and i hope he feels comfortable knowing that not all women are going to turn up on the doorstep after one meeting declaring undying love. how creepy is that....

so i guess this was a sex and the city moment - i wasn't being samantha, charlotte, miranda or carrie, i was just being me, i wasn't overthinking, i had no expectations, i was doing what i wanted to do, being in the now and embracing or declining whatever was to come.  that meant really stepping out of my comfort zone.

and with this i thank him for opening up a side of me that i never knew existed and a confidence i never knew i had. thank you. it was a yesman moment. #yesman