365 days on the alcohol free road

This time last year, I did the unthinkable......the unimaginable................the unfathomable.................. one of the most anti-social, un-Australian things you could ever do. I decided to stop drinking alcohol.  GASP.  Well, I wasn't sure I meant to give up alcohol, but it seems I have. I think. I am pretty sure I have....I am living alcohol free.  I don't drink.

What happened was a kind of unintentional and yet really positive life changing experience and for a culture that seems to revolve around drinking, I feel like I am paving my own way and beating my own drum when it comes to doing what I want to do, not what I am expected to do to fit in with the norms of society.  And drinking - and usually by quantity - is a social norm.  I have challenged the norm and here I am 365 days later with a brand new normal.

Over a 30 day journey, my whole relationship with, and view of alcohol changed. I was someone who enjoyed a drink. I loved the social aspect of it and I liked the taste of it and I liked the feeling that came with having a few drinks. A drink for me was coming home from work and having a couple of glasses of wine and maybe a baileys, or having a few drinks if I went out on the weekend or any of the occasions that relate to drinking - work drinks, dates, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera....people drink to celebrate anything and drink to celebrate nothing.

Over a month, I probably drank about this much and it looks a lot, but it is a calculation that I figured covered any possible drinking scenario. I've included it all - the wine, the shots, the cocktails, the beers, the bubbles, the g&t's and the whatever else's that made up the social and unsocial norm.

I would have a drink or two every night, just like millions of others would.  What I found though, was that one glass was turning into another and some days I'd wake up feeling not as fresh as I wanted to.  I'd often thought about not having a drink at night, but it became a case of why not.  It's only a glass or 2 of wine. She'll be right mate.

When my son moved back home to deal with an over the counter pain killer addiction, I found myself thinking more and more about his situation and wanting to understand what addiction was so I could be in a better position to support him.  And that's how this journey began.

Was coming home every night and having a few glasses of another type of over the counter medication setting a good example?  When I look at it that way, no it wasn't.  But it was only a drink or two, right?  Wine time is big business and it comes with its own set of nasty side effects - addiction, aggression, over-dosing and even death - no different then any other drug.

I actually hated the thought of not having a glass of wine at night.  It was like a familiar friend. And as a single woman in her early 50's living by herself, I was in the statistic range of problem drinkers and I had a bit of a holy fuck moment. How do I not have a drink?  How do I break up with a friend I had known for many years who I had shared so many life experiences with? And I am being totally honest, the thought of that kind of scared me a little, especially as I reflect on it now.

Was I a problem drinker?  I am not sure.  What I am sure of though, is that the thought of drinking never entered my mind till I walked in the door at night, or when I was at whatever social event it was that I was involved in. It would come up in conversation but it was never something that filled my thoughts or consumed me.  I liken it to a pie chart....

 

That small amount of green was when I consumed alcohol during the week or on the weekend.  The others times were when I was sleeping, or at work or the general daytime and alcohol wasn't on the radar. I work in a job that has a zero alcohol policy, so it was just not relevant. The window of consumption was very small, but if I was doing something social, the level of consumption could be quite big. I could keep up with the best of them.

When someones life revolves around their next drink at anytime of the day, I think that's a big pie problem. I'm not one to eat a whole pie, so the small piece of the pie I was consuming got me thinking about whether I really needed or wanted it and the timing of my son's arrival seemed to lock in the decision.  Pie was off the menu.

I'd stumbled across this book in an op shop.  It cost me 2 bucks and apart from understanding the mechanics and effects of drinking, it has been a game changer for me in other aspects of my life.  I guess somewhere in my brain, I was thinking about making change.  After all, how long can we keep waking up of a morning feeling cloudy or having your day written off because you partied super hard and your ability to function is compromised? Well for me, I committed to changing that aspect of my life on 21 February 2017 when I stepped into the unknown.  I remind myself that a decision is made in a moment.  And I made the decision.

 

And what did the unknown look like? Well I didn't know, but I soon found that by acknowledging that I wanted to make change, committing to it, proudly owning the decision and seeing it through meant the unknown was not a scary place.  It became a joyous ride into self discovery.

As I went through the 30 day journey, my eyes were well and truly opened as to what the effects of drinking are on yourself and the impact it can have on others even when you think it might not. The more I got into the journey, the more enthusiastic I became about seeing my future life with a different kind of freedom.  The freedom of not being attached in any way shape or form to alcohol - something that had been a part of my life for such a long time. 

It became extremely liberating. Was this the 2017 version of burning your bra and taking the next step as an empowered free woman?   I can go ANYWHERE with anyone and not have to have alcohol, or rely on it to give me some dutch courage or do it because everyone else is, or drink something that I hate the taste of.  I am free baby!  Everything I do, is me, being my authentic pure self.

So what now, 365 days on...well in no particular order
I feel amazing. I never even think about alcohol. I am using that money for different stuff. My time is more purposeful. I am not missing out on ANYTHING. I always have a clear head. I feel amazing. My weekends are fuller and not of sleep or blur.  I feel safer knowing that I am not intoxicated in anyway when I am out. My social interactions with men aren't risky and as a single woman I am in total control of every action I take part in. I like to say "I don't drink" (like I am part of a cool club). I feel fresh. I feel amazing.......should I go on!  Look at my booze pie now....what a freaken LEGEND.  It says so in the legend.

So what else? Well along the 30 day journey I really looked at who I was.  I had some moments of closure (one giant moment of closure actually - the closure of the wine bottles) and many moments where I opened my thinking to new possibilities and opportunities.   

When I started documenting my journey, we had to take a before and after photo.  Here's me when I started the journey.

 Me after 30 days.

 And me, a year later.

I've always been comfortable exploring and doing things out of my comfort zone and this was a big step outside of it.  Could I go 30 days without alcohol? Could I go one day without it? Would I struggle at all? Would I be okay being a bit of an outcast in a world that revolved around booze? Well, I am totally fine and I guess to sum it up, when I think about my pie chart, the majority of my day was spent alcohol free, so why not make it all alcohol free?  I am still the same person, Actually I am probably even better.

And what next?  Well I have had quite an amazing life journey and one that has inspired others to think differently, to challenge the normal, to be fearless, to accept only the best, and to know your worth in a time that it sometimes isn't easy.  Part of this journey has been about setting goals and actions, visualising my future and closing in on my purpose.  And as I connect more with others, it's my ability to communicate that I see as being the thing that I want to explore and use to see if I can make a difference to those who may find themself treading water, or doubting their decisions, or needing a little push to follow things they are passionate about but don't know where to start or seeing that it's possible to make change even in the hardest of times.  I want to give back all of the wonderful things I have been empowered with.

When I started on my 30 day journey last year I wrote about it each day. I think it's still relevant and it's still current and the topic is becoming more a discussion point in mainstream sources.  The link to my 30 day journey is here if you wish to check it out. Maybe you are thinking about this as something that you want to try and if so, then go for it. You might find down the track that your life has taken a whole different direction because you made a choice to consider the possibility of doing something so far from your norm that it kind of surprises you when you see how good it is.

Alcohol is driven by advertising and how great life is when you are enjoying a few pina coladas on the beach. But the reality is that after a few pina coladas things may not always end up as the commercial tells you it will but we'd like to believe that it does. And with alcohol, I've seen the nasty, I've been part of it and it's not all that pretty, so why would I want to put myself in any position that leads me to believe that the perfect sunset must be enjoyed with wine in hand.

I could go on and on about how I am so happy with this lifestyle choice, but I think it's kind of obvious, so that's it for the alcohol free journey.  This is my normal and I'm a poster girl for courage, possibility and freedom from being tied to something that wasn't enhancing my life.

I don't drink.  I love saying that.

Day 30 and beyond - the 30 day sobriety solution

As  you transcend your own limitations and tendencies, you will naturally show loving kindness to others.  As your own light shines more brightly, you illuminate the world.

Dan Millman, author of Everyday Enlightenment

Well, here's my wrap up of my recent journey of exploring my life without alcohol and here's me on my day 30 of being alcohol free. Gotta say, i feel pretty incredible.

This was a journey that i never expected to be taking - like why would I.  I loved the social aspect of drinking alcohol. I loved that with the right people, the fun would just flow and so would the laughs, but i began to hate the way it was making me feel and how i kind of felt like it was my best friend when i got home from work each day.  I'd much prefer a 2 legged friend to come home to, or a 4 legged one, so this fake friend was wearing out its welcome.

Once i committed to the journey, there was no stopping for me.  I had to see it through. After all it was just 30 days and i had no idea of what to expect during or beyond, but i like an adventure.  I didn't begin documenting this on my blog till a few days after i started though. I had planned to do it, but just wasn't able to commence the same day. But what was good about this, was that i pretty much read the book twice, as i was reading a few chapters ahead but writing about a few chapters behind. You definitely need to be sober to keep up with that.

To help me keep my eye on the goal, I made a little calendar which i crossed off for each of the 30 days that i had to be alcohol free and as it stands now, i am a very proud and happy 46 days of not having had any booze and i feel like i am moving further away from wanting it. I deliberately choose not to use the word sober.  The opposite of drunk is of course sober (which i currently am)...but i find alcohol free sits better with me and my reasoning for wanting to do this as a lifestyle choice.  I guess it's similar to being meat free, for example.

As i started the journey, i began to make notes of how i was feeling each day.  It really helped to just scribble my feelings down. This made a real difference as i could acknowledge if something was playing on my mind and i could be totally honest about it, because in the early days, it was a very strange thing to not be doing something that i had been doing for so so long. I was able to let the thoughts go and move forward quite easily.

I didn't really have any withdrawal feelings - not that i know what they feel like, because the book just made it really easy to commence and stay on track.  Before i knew it, i was on my way through those chapters and was becoming more excited about what was unfolding in front of me and the possibility of what was for me beyond the book. 

Getting successfully to the end did require 100% commitment, a willingness to be totally honest with myself and repetition of the actions - which i am still repeating with repetition.  This was a true change management book that just flowed beautifully to make it pretty much impossible to fail, but with any change, you need to think about what you are doing cause auto-pilot is on and we need to give it a new route to follow. 

I found the book late last July for $2 at an opshop.  I guess even back then, i was thinking about how to make positive change, so i bought it figuring that i didn't have anything to lose. Talk about return on investment.........  

As the months went on, i would pick up the book, flick through and put it down. Pick it up, put it down.  I just didn't think i was ready to make that kind of commitment. After all, i was just doing what most other aussies were doing daily - enjoying a few vinos and living life. 

To find a book about quitting or cutting back drinking in the privacy in your own home kind of had a BIG FAT self labeled FAILURE invisible sticker on it. I was a scared of not having alcohol - what would life be like without it. Alcohol is everyday life. To think about changing this comes with so many considerations - places you go, things you do, interactions with your friends - so much of life is built around alcohol.  But, I still wasn't sure whether i had the book because i had a genuine drinking problem or because i saw it as an opportunity to explore the possibility of letting go of a habit that was not serving me well.

I like to party just like plenty of others.  I'd be more than happy to knock back a tonne of drinks in the name of fun, but when i was waking up more and more feeling like shit, I just started to have a desire to not drink, but i just didn't know how and i understand why willpower just doesn't work in some cases.  I would think about what it would be like to not have alcohol or have access to it and i didn't like the thought.

In my quest to try and cut back myself, i would do things, such as mark on a wine bottle how many nights i didn't have alcohol, i would put a note on my wine to remind me why i didn't want to have glass, i would toy with the idea of doing some NLP - neurolinguisitic programming - i think that's italian and went lovely with a chardonnay,  .....but it came back to the will power and I just didn't have any...I am totally okay to put my hand up and own it. Throughout the day, the thought of booze didn't even enter my mind, it was totally an evening thing, or a social weekend thing, so you think it would be easy to just not pour a glass of wine right?

All that aside, i have had lots of conversations with people who are inspired and encouraged by my journey and who share similar stories and it's totally okay to go, hey, i think i'd like to change this aspect of my life and i feel really good about doing it and hopefully, by starting this conversation it may inspire others who feels the same way that i was feeling.

I did say i would add my final action item from my final day of the journey and here it is.

Action 4. Day 30. Review before you and photo and keep journaling. 

The before me.  In looking back i think i could probably have added more to this but i think i was a bit too shocked to actually put it on paper.  I would like to add to my rock bottom moment though.  I woke up one morning, it was a weekend - so i wasn't needing to go to work and when i walked out of my bedroom, i noticed 2 glasses.  a wine glass and a small water glass sitting on the table beside the lounge. that is strange i thought, i didn't remember getting up and getting that other glass, and can only guess that i went to the kitchen, forgot to take my wine glass, so grabbed another one and put some wine in it. For me, when i saw that second glass and realised that i didn't actually remember going and getting it, i knew right then that it was time to pick up the book.  so i did and read the getting started chapter.  

With my son staying with me and going through his own journey, i am definitely under a bit more stress emotionally and financially so drinking wine, stress and tiredness isn't a great combination. I need to care more for myself, and I want to be a great role model to my son. 

I have done the 30 day program and i did wonder how on earth i would make it through day 1, 2, 3 4, etc without having alcohol and i have. And i am SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF.  People say i look amazing and i feel it in so many ways. xx to me.

So what happens next for me, well i'll continue doing what i am doing. It feels great and it feels natural. I have 24 hours in a day and the majority of that is spent at work, the next largest amount is spent sleeping and the remaining small amount is my actual free time (apart from on the weekend) so i think it makes great sense to use the small amount of free time that i have to doing meaningful things and sitting and drinking a bottomless glass of wine isn't meaningful.

I loved all the inspirational quotes and stories in the book and many i have stuck up around my apartment to remind me of who and where i want to be and this is one that really resonated with me....

Am i willing to forgo the short term satisfaction that drinking brings to ensure the longer term happiness and fulfillment you desire in your life?

So having shared a very personal account of what i did and how i felt, it would be really easy to look at this full of judgement, but I don't feel this way, i look at it as empowering and freeing. If you ever consider taking a journey such as this, don't be frightened of it, don't brush it off as being not a big deal - explore it, embrace it and consider the possibilities, not the limitations, how much money you may save and how many less trips you need to do to the recycle bin.