hello wooorrrrlllddd - i'm back, now let's get our tantra on!

so facebook, the keeper of all things of importance has advised me today that it's been 183 days since i posted onto my page - that's 183 days since i sat down and wrote anything.  i'm not sure why i stopped, but i just seemed to have so much going on that each week this would just get pushed back and back till eventually it stalled.  there might have been a bit of blogging burnout thrown in there as well. Regardless of how big or small your blog is, it requires commitment and thought. and quite frankly, i just couldn't commit or think....but i am back, i think!

last year was a fun one though, as i continued to settle into melbourne life and find my feet and of course, fashion featured heavily.

highlights - i turned 50 and took my clothes off down by the yarra on my birthday eve at the suggestion of mr x. they say that timing is everything and the backdrop was to die for, unlike my white bridget jones undies, but mr x was instrumental in making my birthday week a great part of my life story so i stripped down. i guess that's what spontaneity is about, being in the moment regardless and that white underwear was what it was.

i also had quite a bit of hot sex (most of it with mr x) and went on a journey of sexploration. but in order to do that, i needed to challenge a part of my moral makeup that i had been guided by for most part of my life and i did it willingly without guilt or inhibitions, and that was very empowering. yep, i bonked a 27 year old - bet you weren't expecting to read that mum, but i'm not ageist and i'm gonna make choices depending on how i feel, not on what others think. and it became apparent to me, that i am a seriously hot mumma - only took how many years? but i am still scratching my head, with my extended middle finger as to why some men of various ages, think it's okay to engage with woman with such demeaning and totally inappropriate greetings and behaviours. Fella's it isn't and never will be a turn on to get a pick of your sad little peen or to be just sexually objectified. eeewww

i know that probably seems kinda weird for a woman standing in her underwear on the banks of the yarra to be talking about sexual objectification, but i did that for liberation.

i also learnt to salsa dance. this was a total blast and it will continue this year, with the aim of doing it as a more social thing.  it's quite daunting to put all those lessons into practice with strangers who will hopefully be understanding if i mix up my inside and outside turn, confuse my hammerlocks with my copas....but i'll keep plugging on regardless.

my use of time was also a constant thought in my mind and i was reminded by my friend Elena, that time is the only thing i will never get more of, so i have plastered a few giant post its around my place to remind me every time i walk past or look up from my technology that i should use my time more wisely.  a giant post it is also a great way to get stuff out of your head that is bothering you.  put it on the wall and let it just do its thing and make its way to your subconscious where it become second nature.

i picked up my paintbrush - a very good use of time.  so therapeutic and there will be more of that happening.

i got divorce papers from the man whose life i apparently ruined, when i chose not to be a verbal and emotional punching bag any more and the man who could never love or live happily again, but is getting married to a woman he met on tinder 5 weeks after we officially parted ways... we agreed to discuss divorce if it every became relevant - guess it became relevant. A joint application is only a joint application if the other party knows about it....just sayin! And i finally had the courage to tell that man to GO FUCK HIMSELF...i wanted to say that for so so long, cause being guilted, even after all this time is just not on. passive-aggressive behaviour is not the new black. (I think i probably have a whole other blog post about living in the shadow of overbearing men - save that for another day). but good luck to him for maybe finding the one who will make those poor behaviors become redundant. 

i drove the great ocean road in my convertible - that was a blast and have since gone on to sell my car.  it was serving me no purpose as i can ride my pushie, walk or catch the tram across the road which takes me to my 2 favourite places - doc pizza and tiamo italian restaurant. #winning 

i discovered that i really liked being on the back of a harley. vroom vroom. my convertible was great, and i think i might need to invest in a scooter so i can have my own vroom vroom.

my beautiful son outed himself as a codeine addict and reached out for help.  he's now under my caring watchful wing taking all steps possible to recover by relocating here for a while as he gets back on his feet. kudos to him for taking the hardest step, cause it's not a quick fix and not something i am an expert in managing, but we will take one step at a time.  i told him that i can't be on the playing field with him, but will be there cheering him on from the sidelines, as he takes this part of his life journey.

i re-read this book again (only about the 4th time) but it drives me to be mindful about how i choose to live my life - either living in a pit having pity parties, or embracing and making the most of every moment and challenge that i encounter. 

oh and my sewing machine broke down #sadface. that was a bitch! but it's back and ready to stitch up some goody good janijans designs again. 

goodbye 2016. hello 2017.

so as i headed into 2017, i was thinking about the year ahead and some of the things i want to achieve.  i haven't made a TO DO list or any resolutions - only to be more awesome maybe, but rather a TO BE list and that's where the tantra comes in.  i want to practice more conscious living and hopefully loving...so tantra is my mantra. i don't want to just DO, i want to BE and i want to continue to become an even better version of myself.

i want to BE a better human - for me and those around me
i want to be a better salsa dancer
i want to be out of my comfort zone
i want to be open to all opportunities

and "TO BE" requires conscious living in relation to thoughts and actions. sure i can switch on the autopilot but i don't want that to be what gets me to my destination. i want to take charge.

But there are a few things on my TO DO list and most relate to human connection. i want to connect with more people and as i have reflected on this late last year, a post popped up in my facebook feed from humans of new york.  it was about a woman who moved to a new city and thought that everything would just happen, just because she was in that new space that it would all come together. (no no no no no - it doesn't work that way).....she said that "relationships don't just happen because i exist" and i had that moment of wow, i want to dig deeper and work harder to consciously connect with others.  i need to reach out and make more effort in order for this part of my life to fill.  It doesn't come naturally to me to talk to strangers, but i'm gonna fake it till i make it.

I'm going to continue to support my son with his addiction recovery and it seems timely to finish off my project of not sweating the small stuff - dang - there's not that many chapters to go and it's gonna help ground me a bit.  i've never had to assist someone with addiction before, so it's paramount that i take care of me, so i can be on my A game. Maybe focussing on this will help, as it did when i was going through major life change previously.

and what's this.....a ukulele.  yes i am going to learn to play this gorgeous blue instrument and hope to find space for an electric piano. playing piano was one of the first things in my life that i really new i wanted to do even before i ever had a piano and dang i miss it.

so, here's a few other things on my list
- talk to at least 3 strangers every day
- smile at more people - this is a genuine connection that may make a difference to somebody's day
- start writing again - tick!
- be fearless
- say yes to almost everything
- continue to play by my own rules
- be more empowered and pave the way for those who want to get out of their comfort zone
- don't accept less then what i deserve as a woman and a human
- learn to network
- help bring others together - yes, i have a plan.  at work i am called the glue.  i didn't give myself that name, but seems i have an ability make things happen and keep people connected.  i want to explore this more.
- to let the universe do what it does best and be open to it.
- and to find love that flows freely and joyously.  as humans it's our evolution to be loved and give love and the time is now right for me to give what's in my heart and mind to someone who wants to have this ball of joy and fun in their life.

yep, there's a lot of me me me here, but this is my journey and as that book why wait to be great says, we write a life story that can be filled with so many experiences, both amazing and difficult and i want my story to be amazing even when i have to navigate through the rough parts.

So, i pose the question, how do you intend to fill the chapters of your life story. hopefully there is something here that may resonate or inspire you to look at your world differently and to reach beyond your comfort zone and create an amazing story going forward.  go for it.!

the sunday session 16 - nothing to see here

so i didn't really start off with a story this week - well - maybe i did, i did drive the great ocean road in my convertible, which i think is a total bucket list kind of thing - but was it a story? probs not. it was kinda cool though to do something that is pretty iconic.

did i have a favourite look for the week, well yeah, it was monday - the pants, shirt and tie.

i was smashing the glass ceiling. it was menswear but overtaken by the better smelling sex. i squirted on some gucci guilty, but didn't feel guilty at all!  i walked tall and proud, wearing a man's tie and shirt and holding my own. it felt really good but a bit awkward, but it was embraced by me and those around me, and some guys even wanted to borrow my vintage tie!  i'll hire it out for fucks sake. i'll rent by the hour. i'll make a fortune, cause those fella's won't be able to handle the hotness. i don't ever associate myself with sexy, but i was bringing it back.

so as i drove the great ocean road, i pondered the "do you have a story?" do you have a moment in time where you felt amazing, peaceful, and in the now. i don't know what it was about the great ocean road (maybe its beauty and popularity) but i did stop and think. it made me think about my journey. the journey that's been just like the great ocean road - with many twists, turns, fast and slow bits, seeing the beautiful and the not so beautiful and of course the highs and lows.

i was doing a bit a sorting through stuff and came across a photo that was taken in italy in the year 2000.

i was on holidays with my sister, her husband and my son. we were in amalfi and my sister took the pic below. i remember the moment like it was a minute ago.  in the cloisters, in the church, in amalfi. i was about 34, on a great adventure and one which eventually helped me to mark the territory of who and how i am and i've never really looked back. the wheels started spinning and off i went.  my world started to open up in so many way.  i loved it.

and here i am 16 years later, feeling just as great as i did at that time, due to my desire to embrace every moment with fresh eyes while being in the now.  a lot has happened since then - some great and some truly shit, but it's all been part of my life journey and one that i cant change, but i can own and i can grow from - i don't have to be how anyone else expects me to be, i can just be me.

being reminded of that time and that place was an opportunity to realise that we can have total control of our own destiny. we can choose how we move forward with every event that happens. we can make choices and fill our life basket with the things that will make us feel good and happy, even if that means letting go of things that your are comfortable with or have caused pain in the past. i feel like that same girl who's in the photo in the cloisters, in the church, in amalfi, but just a better version of her. happy embracing life, wondering what adventure lay ahead and not letting anything or anyone bring down my spirit. it's a great feeling and one that i would encourage anyone to stop, think and find a moment whereby you can let go and move forward.

if you find yourself in that cloisters (that quiet secluded place) use it as an opportunity to regroup, reflect and start a new story, one that will be future focussed, one that will see you be free from the past if it's holding you back past and one that will be about you and your journey, not a journey that others expect of you.

The Sunday Session 4 - eat eat eat

last week was a week for visitors and visiting, with my mum arriving last sunday for a few days and with me jetting off to sydney for a long weekend and it's all revolved around food and the need to dress to accommodate the amount of deliciousness that has been on offer.

i think from the looks i wore last week, that the spotted pants and green top was probably my favourite.  it had the right amount of pattern and the brighter than bright green top just seemed to make it a stand out and it felt amazing to wear.

but the week really did belong to the food and my mum and i had some super tasty vegetarian treats during the week.

starting with this from Aix cafe in centre place melbourne.  this little gem serves crepes and damn are they good.  i was a bit reluctant at first, as i hate stuff made with lots of eggs and thought they may have been eggy, but no, they were just delicious.  i enjoyed a goats cheese, spinach, roasted capsicum and thyme crepe and my mum had a tallegio, mushroom and spinach one.

this is a pretty filling cheap eat as well costing about 13 bucks each with a drink. a return visit will be in order to try out the sweet ones, in particular the traditional lemon and sugar, but i don't think you could go wrong with any of them. try and grab a seat in the laneway to watch all the passers by.

then it was off to brunetti on Swanston St for an affogato.  coffee and ice-cream in a wine glass.YEP! at $6.50, this is a great refreshing beverage or a sweet dessert.

we went to a place called enlightened cuisine on queensbridge street, southbank.  this is an asian vegetarian restaurant that specialises in mock meat.  i am going to own this loud and proud.  yep, i don't eat meat but i do eat the delicious substitute.  fake meat originated way back in the 1890's and man has it come a long way.

there are many places that embrace the mock meat regime and luckily for me, this one is close to home.  we dined on sesame prawn toasts, wontons, vegetarian fried rice and duck with plum sauce. delicious.

this was probably the most expensive meal of the week. i think it was just over $60 with 2 glasses of wine.but it was so worth it and given that i love leftovers, i was able to get a lunch from this as well.

 

doc pizza at albert park was also a good night out - with the words "so good" being said about 1000 times.  cause it was so freaken good. this is my pizza go to of choice. we devoured the rocket, pear and honey salad and a buffalo mozzarella pizza. i am renowned for not eating my pizza crust, but this night, i decided to live a little and poured some of their amazing olive oil onto my plate, sprinkled it with a bit of salt and started dipping.  it is the way forwward now for crust demolition.  amazing pizza, salad and 2 glasses of wine was just over 50 bucks, but worth everyone of them.

one lunch time, my mum and i went and sat by the yarra and enjoyed the tofu curry on brown rice from shuji sushi at freshwater place.   this is a perfect lunch time dish, because there is so much of it that at about 11 bucks a pop, there is enough for the next day's lunch, making it a super bargain meal. and for the "i'm on a budget - give me a meal deal" necessity. it doesn't even need to be reheated, which is a bonus.

more delicious eating took place at etto pasta south melbourne.  this is a fave place of mine because it is authentic and also relaxed with footpath dining as well as a few tables inside. on my first visit, i very smartly ordered the kids size meal and man, that's the smart thing to do, cause the serves are massive.

on this visit i ordered the 3 cheese gnocchi and my mum ordered the meredith goat cheese ravioli in a tomato sauce with olives. we just keep reaching across each other to take spoonfuls of food. none of this getting extra plates biz. and we shared a caprese and yep - left overs.  the glass of wine is also a good size, so we shared that as well.

i really want to branch out and try some other things, but it's hard i seem to always come back to the gnocchi.  about 45 bucks with leftovers but we did order the ravioli special.

with my mum heading back to fiji, it was time for me to get ready to head to sydney for the long weekend with these guys, who recently made the move from brisbane to sydney.

we ate a LOT of food and a lot of cheese. happy days.  saturday brekky was at little mule in stanmore, where i had the best sandwich i have ever eaten.  it was brocolli, kale, swiss cheese and jalapeno.  a fucking party in your mouth.

the coffee was great also, and they managed to make the "hotcold" to perfection. ice, coffee, warm milk.

the ladies headed off to paddington for a stroll and again, managed to have some tasty treats.

first stop was orchard st, the raw takeaway, where kombucha was in order.  they had some good looking stuff, but i drew the line at being tempted by the chocolate that was laced with medicinal mushrooms. didn't end well over 30 years ago, so couldn't see it ending well today - given that i hate mushrooms of any kind. we didn't go and beg for any samples at sweet art, but it's a sydney institution in the cake making scene and the window never fails to delight.

we wandered to the markets where we stumbled across a man asking for people to try his balls. tasty balls they were.  it was an egyptian vegetarian place and we shared this delicious platter consisting of falafel, vine leaves, dips, beans and salad washed down with a fresh lemonade. seriously tasty and i would head back there in a heart beat.

saturday night belonged to espresso martinis from gunthers dining room, which followed an amazing meal at redfern continental. they are one and the same.  we started with some ginger cocktail and ended up in bad shape.

dinner was amazing, the vegetarian offer was stuffed zucchini flower and my main was penne arrabiata which was just right.  the sauce had that i want to stick to your pasta consistency. we shared caprese, brocollini, and fries.  there was a lot of food and we retired to the dining room at the back of the restaurant for some cocktails and nonsense.

 

the animals were an addition, as we felt the need to spruce up our drinks.

on sunday, i took dorothy for a walk and we enjoyed a coffee while my host and hostess did some sleeping.....a lot of sleeping. whoever said that three espresso martinis would keep one awake, was a big liar.

we decided to eat in that night and i got the pleasure of cooking.  oh it has been too long since i have been let loose in the kitchen to create something more than dahl and rice, or quinoa and raw veg.  and this dinner of gnocchi 2 ways - gorgonzola and chilli with caprese, salad and brocolli was a massive hit.  i am going to share all these recipes as it's definitely a dinner party waiting to be had that is pretty much foolproof - unless you are a fool.

on monday - 2 became 3 and we headed off to manly, but not before enjoying a homemade brekky of toast with tomato fetta and fresh picked basil.

 our trip to manly was great where we dined on kids meals at the manly 16ft skiff club.  brilliant.  pizza for one.

 and of course there is always shenanigans when we are together.

dinner was delicious leftovers from the night before with a serve of jenga and vodka shots for whoever knocked over the tower. phew - wasn't me.

 

and a lightening filled adventure up on to the roof of the house.  wow - hello sydney.

tuesday came and it was time to head home, but not before a piece of vegemite toast.  proud to be a vegemite kid, but only when the toast is cold and the butter spreads like cheese.  none of this melted business.

it's australia day and although there's a lot to celebrate - cause we do live in an amazing country, we could also do better at loving our fellow man - or woman, past present and future.

 

well i had an amazing week (apart from the bolt of turbulance on arrival into melbourne that had people loudly yelling "shit") and one where i got to see some amazing sights, eat some amazing food and catch up with great people.   

my week was topped off by waking up to find that my friends dog has pissed in my make up bag and a bit of my suitcase.  i knew that my deoderant hadn't leaked and if it had, it certainly didn't smell like wizz....  he either wanted me to leave, or wanted me to know how much he loved me.  either way, how fucking australian is that. at least he didn't try to hump me!