Tuesday 31 January 2017

DSTSS - back to school

75. Think of your problems as potential teachers

As it sit here writing my post today, i am actually feeling totally overwhelmed about some or probably just one problem in my life. not the good problem, like should i have 2 scoops of gelato or one, and then decide if i should have whipped cream on top and then sprinkles, or whether i should have pink or blue fairy floss with my soft serve (pink always) but true problems that are life changing and have potential to impact profoundly.
at the end of last year, my 31 year old son outed himself as codeine addict from pills that he was able to obtain over the counter at the chemist and an addiction that is one of the most common and one of the most difficult to recover from.

i had spoken to him one night and had a gut feeling that something wasn't okay but didn't push it - that's not helpful - but the next night he rang me back and spilled the beans. he'd been taking enough pills daily to put him in the fatal risk zone. fuck - that's a tough pill to swallow when you hear it. he didn't want to worry me with this as he said i looked so happy in my new melbourne life. that is no excuse when you need to reach out for help and you know what..... never be afraid to reach out or in my case plant a seed that may have encouraged him to speak up.

he decided to and needed to make change. his work was affected, his health was affected and his relationship with his long term partner was affected and that was the impetus to seek help. he has started on a journey of wellness and a choice to no longer self harm and has relocated to stay with me and be supported while he works towards recovery.

so he has his own problem to deal with and his problem has now given me a problem and one that could consume me if i don't act smart about its affect and possible solutions. talk about a giant fucking snowball.
so how the hell do you think of this problem as a potential teacher. Oh let me count the ways. OMMMMMM Firstly by accepting it. then embracing it, learning from it, seeking wise counsel and then use all of this and anything else i can do to get through and to assist others who may be in need. and i have to understand that by not fighting the problem i will be able to look at it clearly, objectively and form pathways towards solutions and KEEP CALM AND CARRY THE FUCK ON. i will eventually take something away from it that will further enhance my life, my son's life and other's who may not know where to turn when in a tough situation.

at work we use the model below called the change curve - and i am all about curves - fancy colourful stylish gorgeous curves - and the beauty of being someone who has high resilience (and curves) is that you can always find a way to cope.  when i learnt of this problem, i bypassed stage one and two, and went straight to stage four - commitment. commitment to seek the best possible outcome for this problem.  Right now though, i have swung back into stage three, cause i am at a place where i need to explore some problem solving solutions (learnings), in order to continue staying afloat.
my son is also passing through phases of the change curve as he takes this journey. be open to change. life is a flowing journey and change is an integral part of it, even if it is uncomfortable and painful.

as it stands now, this problem has and is affecting many parts of my life and in just a short period of time. so i really need to make choices that will be smart and teach me ways to to get through it as easily as possible. i can see potential for this to bring me unstuck and i want to avoid that at all cost. i know from others who have traveled the same road, this this is a long and bumpy journey.

so how do i turn this problem to my advantage?  how do i learn from it and move forth knowing that i need an outcome that keeps my head above water.  i also want my son to stay one step ahead of me. crazy i know, but i want him to take the lead and find his way and know that he can call on me should he have trouble finding a path to follow.  #coach #cheerleader #motivationalinterviewer equals #mother

my financial situation is suffering.  i will probably never recover from being forced to sell my house and being left with nothing and i still have to deal with the sexually transmitted debt of this. it's been a struggle from the moment i shut the door on my past life - no regrets whatsoever, cause life is so much more peaceful and that surpasses any material thing i could ever want.  but now i have to think about how i manage this new problem that is having high financial impact. and my learning here is to be grateful for what i have. i've been through tougher financial moments than this, so just scaling back on any unnecessary things is totally okay. my needs have become secondary as his become more necessary.

my stress level is going off the chart. i know this because i want to cry....and a lot. i've had a headache for about the last week and i've actually felt like just hibernating. my learning here is to accept, acknowledge, elevate my feelings of gratitude, meditate, continue to be kind to myself and others and keep moving physically. this will help with my mental and physical capacity to cope and will further build my resilience. my life still has to go on.

i need to front up to work everyday and be present. i've shared this problem with those i work with and it ensures that they are aware that there may be days when i seem distracted, or quiet, or need to take some time to do personal stuff.  my learning here is that i am human and any one of us at any time could be confronted with a life changing situation that they need to give time and attention to. i've also discovered someone at my work who has gone through the exact same thing so by sharing my story, i can now draw on their experience.

i need to continue living and enjoying my life while going through this. totally makes sense to go do free stress reducing tai chi in fed square everyday doesn't it.....melbourne has so many free things to do, so i will tap into these cause i sure as hell ain't gonna lock myself away and shut down my life even if that's what may be the norm in this situation or if i feel like hibernating.  no going to the pit for me. i just need to modify and find ways to keep my endorphin cup overflowing.

my heart if full of compassion, empathy, kindness and love and i'll continue to give this to my son and support him without judgment, criticism or anger because his self-worth needs to be preserved and enhanced in order to recover.

and i've also learn't that no matter how long this problem goes on, i'll always have enough lipstick to see me through unless of course the doomsday clock ticks forward for another 2.5 minutes.....and then the problem will be solved, i guess!
Let's keep learning.  well, it was a big post today, but this is a big problem and i got a lot to learn from it.

Note to self: regardless of how challenging a problem may be, use it to take you to a better place. Think on it, sleep on it, learn from it, use it to make you a stronger person and understand that their may be sacrifices but don't stop living and enjoying life. the problem will pass and you may come out the other side wondering why you stressed over it so much in the first place.


  1. Janski you are an incredibly generous loving and strong human being
    I know you in distress, take what you learnt about control and influence and 'who the fuck cares' and use it to make sure your spirit is firing! Xxxxxx

    1. Dayle it is firing and i'm drawing on all the beautiful learning's to see me through and make a clearer path for me and Ben. xxxx

  2. Janijans, you sure have had some challenges to face. My thoughts are with your son, and with you through this particular challenge. Your generosity and warmth are always front and centre in your postings and I greatly admire you. Look after yourself through this too. Katrina

    1. Thanks Katrina. I like to call them learning. They have taught me amazing things about life and people along the way.

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    3. Thanks Katrina. I like to call them learning. They have taught me amazing things about life and people along the way.