Tuesday, 19 December 2017

DSTSS - done and dusted

How about that, I've just written a book and I think there needs to be a bit of closure on my Don't Sweat the Small Stuff journey.  There's not any loose ends, but I feel there should be some kind of sounding of the bell, to acknowledge that it has finished, and for me to acknowledge that I did something that I consider quite amazing.

Even though I have always had incredible resilience and the ability to park stuff and be in the moment, it's not always been easy.  Many people have supported and encouraged me and helped me to remain on top of things over the past couple years. I have some wonderful friends and mentors who have listened, consoled, made me laugh when I only wanted to cry, talked sense and encouraged me to do what was right for me and I listened to everything and now I feel like I am one of those amazing people who has been able to make a difference to the lives of others. That feels really great and makes me feel like I am giving back to those who sometimes find themselves questioning their choices or feeling overwhelmed, or doubting their abilities or confidence or wondering what the fuck they are doing with their life.

I love to write and feel that this is a gift that was waiting to be discovered and I really have to thank my nephew Oskar for helping me to find it.  Had I not been inspired by his free spirit when he was younger, I might never have decided to explore this part of my creativity. Who knew!

And who knows what can happen, if we just keep moving further out of our comfort zone and reaching to be the person that we so often see in our imagination.  You know the one, the one who lives the life that is confident, says all the things they need to and will walk away when you know you can do better, is successful and doing all the great things we see happening in our mind. but sometimes can't seem to bring them to reality. So often we know exactly what to do, but hold ourselves back with safe excuses.
I also never expected this journey to take as long as it did or to take me to where I am now, but the beauty is that I ultimately found the courage to put me and my needs first. I have always felt second best in EVERYTHING and I mean everything.  I put everyone elses needs and feelings before my own....... but not any more. I pay myself first. My need to live how I want, to find my voice, to fall further in love with the woman I am, has risen to the top and I feel an even greater sense of peace and an even great sense of worth.

Along with the DSTSS, I also decided to question my relationship with alcohol and what value it was adding to my life.  And 10 months on, I am still alcohol free and not only feel better for not drinking, but feel great because of the personal changes and self beliefs that came with it. I think it pays to question the everyday things we do and see whether there's a place for process improvement. Our normal doesn't always have to be doing the same things, even if we do enjoy them and more so if we don't enjoy them and it doesn't have to be doing something that has been another person's legacy. I stepped into a new and improved normal and I really like it. The fear of feeling that something would be lacking in my life, soon became a myth and I don't feel like any part of my life is lacking because I am not drinking.

I really did think I was gonna knock this writing project over in 100 days or so, but I never honestly expected that it would draw out so long and that my life would be changed in such a great way with lows to learn from and highs to ride on and some crazy unexpected what the fuck's thrown in just to add to the adventure.  The unexpected always showed up and it tested me and strengthened me, but ultimately, I did arrive at the commencement of my Melbourne life, having lost pretty much everything and truly starting again, with my spirit on the mend. But you know what, at least I had the opportunity to do so, because ultimately, all that mattered was my mental health staying intact.  Without that, how would I have managed?

People often ask me how I stay positive and happy and never let things bother me on a deeper level. On the surface they might suck momentarily, but deep down I don't save a space for them. I don't give them power over me, so I think it's also really important to acknowledge the power of letting go and I have had to let go of a lot.  Holding onto the past hurts only stops us from living in the now.  We can't change anything, so accepting and moving forward is such a powerful thing and yet so often it can be one of the most difficult things to do.
Some inspiration for this journey has been through conversations with others, some books that have found their way to me, but mostly from a place inside me where I have mentally deconstructed bad life events to find the internal light bulb moments where I have pinpointed the cause of my pain. 

Ive actually reflected on this a lot and tried to unpack how I have managed to do it.  It's almost like I have gone to a specific event in my life's timeline and have identified a single moment that was the reason why I may have been feeling some sort of discord in my life.  It's really hard to explain but once i have had those weird triggers, I have been able to let go of whatever was holding me back and keep moving forward.  It's been a strange yet very empowering phenomenon. I am sure there is some technical term for it, but it's been a big part of my spiritual and personal growth.  I see the moments that were bothering me and I set them and me free.

All I can suggest is that if something is really bothering you from the past or right now, do something about it.  Don't be frightened and give yourself permission to live an exciting and fulfilling life that makes you happy, and let those challenges help build your resilience, strength and power.  Own the fuck out of everything you do.

I encourage anyone to go in search of their true self, and uncover what beautiful gifts we all have within us that we can use to enhance not only our life, but the lives of others.

Thank you to everyone who has come on this journey with me.

And with that, it's time to close this chapter and open the door to something a bit more lighthearted and hopefully a lot more....
Note to self: Jan you are freaking AMAZING

2 comments:

  1. Beautifully written. I am so happy for you and all the progress you have made. Also, I would have to agree with you...you are freaking amazing!!!

    Bhupinder

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