Sunday 17 December 2017

DSTSS - What if?

100.  Live this day as if it were your last. It might be!

Well, here I am at Chapter 100 of what has been a journey I never set out to go on, but one that I am very grateful happened. Me and my bright ideas.

When I started writing the first chapter way back in 2014, my motivation was to help keep me in a kind of safe mental space so I could keep functioning and grounded while things were escalating around me in my home life. And by escalating, I mean they were bad already, but they were only gonna get badderer.... But along the way, this journey took a whole new direction, as did I. It became about me being empowered, out of my comfort zone, letting go of things that were holding me back and really recognising my worth.

Soon after I decided to make a project of this, I went and bought another copy of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. It was for my ex husband. He was a fan of my writing and this project was I guess a subtle way of sharing with him the pain I was feeling due to the anger he was showing toward me and others. Conversation after conversation with him about the impact of his anger made no difference. And if you see someone withdrawn, frightened, emotionally distraught and expressing their fear, day after day and you think that it's okay then what does it say about the type of human you are? For me it says that you don't give a flying fuck. And I was prepared to do anything to try and influence a positive change.  I hoped that he may see that there were other ways to manage problems that don't leave another human being feeling like they aren't valued, important, or the worse part, the emotional punching bag who was expected to accept that "this is who i am" or "i've always been angry".  That's a fucking bullshit sad vision statement for life.

When I read the book again before I thought about using it as my written life vision, I think this was the chapter that had the most bang for buck.  Live this day as if it were your last. It might be!  What does that say to you? We don't know what the next minute holds and I know that if i were to drop off the perch right now, I would never like it to be with regret because I let my own fears dictate the direction of my life and more importantly, I would never like to think that the last interaction I had with someone was one that didn't make them or me feel loved, cared for or respected, regardless of what shit was barreling down the shute.  Maybe I should have suggested he start at the back of the book!

It's such a powerful statement, because if you are about to open your mouth or do something that you know is going to hurt someone physically or emotionally, then having the ability to stop, and look at that person with love, or see the situation with perspective, take a deep breath and go wow, is this really big stuff? and WHAT IF? What if something happens and I never see that person again? Would that be enough to influence change and help to consider what's really important in this very moment?  Is anything more important than not seeing someone you love again, or them not seeing you? And if you found yourself in that last moment with a loved one, would you want to spend it saying sorry and asking for forgiveness or telling them how much you valued your time together?

This is real life. People walk out the door and sometimes they don't come back and I walked out the door plenty of times feeling so emotionally traumatised, that if something had of happened to me, then would the pain of losing me be more than someones ego being damaged? In hindsight, I don't think so.  And if it was, it would be too late to change anything. Would you rather someone know how much you love them, or how pissed off you were that they didn't put the garbage out?
How we approach our human relationships is one thing, but what about making time to do the things that make us feel like we are living. This is a chapter about living in the moment and making every moment count right, so living without regret has to factor in. Make time to do the things you love while you have the opportunity.  We are always going to have a zillion things to do, but do the ones that really matter and do them without fear and with passion.

I recently discovered a ted talk by an Indian guy called Sadhguru and as I listened to his simple wisdoms, I was really reminded about our gift of life and the recurring theme about living the best life possible for you and those around you while being conscious of the time you have on the planet.

He shared some things we can do each day to live a more meaningful life, and I am going to share them right back now, because when living simply and humbly, we are often presented with the most rewards.
1. smile
2. reach out to the people you love each day - check that they are still alive
3. be aware of your own existence and be fully on with life - live it, respect your own mortality
4. enhance your perceptions and intelligence
5. take charge of your life. Own the fuck out of if (that last bit was my idea)
6. take a holiday from seriousness
7. produce nice life movies - let go of fear
8. don't identify yourself with anything. Be open to everything
9. fix yourself. keep growing for the better
10. pay attention to yourself
11. don't set incentives for sickness
12. have a sense of humour......

And I am going to throw a couple in...
*Smile, smile and smile
*Know that you always have a choice - what you say, do, consciously choose to think and how you feel. You have a choice!
*Human connections matter - how we treat people really matters. How you treat the ones you love to the ones you barely know matters? Connect with love, kindness and authenticity
*Know that the only person holding you back from anything is you
*Mean what you say and say what you mean
*make every moment count
*And listen to your gut feeling. That gurgling machine is an awesome compass

I know that living the best life possible is something I am really conscious of and once you peel off the layers of the things that are weighing you down, there's a freedom and peacefulness that creeps in and you never want to let it go and it makes you appreciate the beauty of life even more. And it makes life easy.

There will be a final post to this journey, but I end chapter 100 knowing that I have inspired myself and others to never settle for less then they deserve, to run towards life, and to be fearless in your pursuit of happiness even in the times when it all seems overwhelming.  I'll go forward knowing that I really am being the best version of myself and if i get to see the sun rise again, I will be grateful and continue to do what I do best.....being me and living every moment as if it were my last, while i go about not sweating all that small stuff.
Note to self: Don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff. Yep, even that. That as well. Oh god, that shit is so small....see how small it is? You need a fucking magnifying glass to see it, it's so fucking small.  Don't even bother sweating it, cause you have better stuff to do...

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