56. Be grateful when your're feeling good and graceful when you're feeling bad
Of late, i feel like i am time poor for doing some of the things i love and and time rich for being able to do some of the things i love. It's all a mad balancing act. And as i am at chapter 56 of this book i am over half way and feel like i should be sailing towards the finish line, but i am not, i am just fitting in chapters when I can and thank goodness i am not stressing over it, or i would really be sweating the small stuff. but i am determined to finish.
Moving into chapter 56 reminded me of so many things i learnt when i was having my treatment for panic attacks and the biggest thing was that they will pass and trying to force something to shift often doesn't work, but relaxing and accepting does.
So why be grateful when your're feeling good and graceful when you're feeling bad - well it's all about being in the moment and accepting that what we are feeling at any time can change, and it's how we respond that can make all the difference.
When we feel good - we feel like nothing can hold us back, the world is fantastic, everyone and everything is fantastic - LIFE IS GREAT! And when we feel bad - then it's all shit. We feel shit, we make others feel shit and it seems that there is no joy, even to shit, so we clench up and hold on to it and that can make those feelings and the discomfort last longer.
I class myself as a very happy positive person and one who, even though i have had a period of anxiety, have never had depressive episodes that have affected my day to day life. I have had flat times for sure, but not to the point where it has been a struggle to move forward and not appreciate what is good in my life.
So the lessons i learnt when having my treatment was that the feelings will pass. And i had bad feelings - if you have ever had a panic attack you will know - the feeling of going crazy, that you are going to faint or die or any other worse case scenario that can happen. But over time, i began to accept, acknowledge, relax and move on.
So now, during the highs and the lows of life, i go forward with the same attitude - accept, acknowledge, relax and move on. it just makes dealing with stuff so much easier. And it makes it easier for those around me because they know what to expect. Maybe that's why i don't get into "bad moods" because of the skills i developed early on.
Having the ability to be able to consciously realise that it is possible to look at these moments both good and bad and embrace them with the same sense of emotion can be quite liberating, just like it was for me, when i learnt to let go of the panic.
I have thought about the analagy of quicksand for this chapter. when we feel bad, it can feel like you are in quicksand - trapped, anxious, annoyed, frustrated, restricted and all because you may have taken a wrong step.
(inserting picture of quicksand was not possible due to number of naked women covered in mud - this is a family blog)
In the movies, people sink to their demise, but in real life, quicksand can be a bit scary, there is often an easy way out and it could even be a bit fun.
Being grateful and graceful in both good and bad times can make it an easier journey if you choose. Gracefulness is a state of being that involves manner, movement and speech, throw in a bit of kindness, warmth and care for others no matter how bad you are feeling, and dang, won't that be hard to stay pissed off.
Note to self: what do you do if you are stuck in quicksand - you relax, stay still, make a plan and stay calm, so as not to find yourself sinking further then you need to. What can you do in the bad times - do the same as you would do in the good times, or if you were stuck in quicksand. Step into the state of being graceful. And if none of that works, head to the supermarket and get yourself a big pack of poise. gotta start somewhere.
Gee it feels good to be bringing a colourful snapshot of this week's looks.
I am going to get straight into it, cause i have had a busy week, so there is no time for small talk.
Monday and i was in need of a total colour burst, and i think i hit the mark with this one. It was starting to feel a little chilly, so bought out long sleeves for the first time since last year. These 2 pieces have been in my wardrobe for such a long time and i can't believe i never thought to wear them together before. What a der, cause it was a wonderful combo.
Today was also the day I made good on a promise to myself earlier in the year following a major life change. I decided to purchase myself a new piece of significant jewellery. I had been eyeing this piece off every time i walked past the jeweller in west end. Like every freakin time! I would stop, look, admire and walk on. This was the day i went in, tried it on and said yes please. However i didn't pick it up till Tuesday as they wanted to polish it, so of course i cant show it right now
I wore pink satin pants with elasticised bottom, made by me. Beaded top from Roma 4 in Sri Lanka (shopping tip), shoes from jo mercer and earrings from Fiji.
Tuesday - oh my god - look at me back in black! It was chilly today, so i needed to find another long sleeve top. In the storm last November, most of my winter clothes got trashed - some salvageable, some not. Lots of damage from water, which then caused dye to run across various items. Heartbreaking at the time, but this was just a moment in time and is insignificant, compared to other tragedies that have happened.
Today, i picked up the ring. When i saw it in the shop it was actually really tarnished looking and wasn't expecting it to come up as gorgeous as it did. As i said, i was instantly drawn to it. When i showed the person who suggested that i make a purchase, she said it looked like a bird and it does. And birds have freedom to fly anywhere they want to, so it suits me just fine.
I wore daggy black top from valley girl that is yonks old, brilliant sequined skirt from Odel Sri Lanka (another shopping tip) shoes from Jo Mercer, and diamonte name belt from NYC and some silver hoop earrings, but i wasn't yet wearing the ring, as the shop wasn't even open when i took my OOTD pic.
Wednesday was even chillier than tuesday and i had to get out the big guns. Boots and a jacket. As it queensland, once the sun is in full swing in autumn it is way to hot for a jacket, so it didn't stay on too long.
I got something a little bit exciting at work today - a stand up desk. Sitting is the new smoking apparently and i can't tell you how great it feels to not have to sit at a desk all day, but still be able to work to capacity.
I also went to dinner with my son and he really threw out all the stops to put on an amazing dinner. It was one of those dinners that could be smelt when you opened the car door and it was pretty fantastic.
I wore tree tube skirt from huudaverti, yonks old top, denim jacket from best and less, beautiful handmade necklaces from Bec Jobson and my jo mercer boots, which were also trashed in the november storm, but i have done my best to ensure they still are wearable.
The vegetarian ate - home made goats cheese tarts with pesto and fresh picked marigolds, air dried rosemary and garlic potatoes and salad and the carnivores ate all that plus home made crumbed chicken accompanied by a tempus two pinot grigio, home made indian halva and an episode of ramsay's kitchen nightmares. Very proud of my son and his ability to work magic in the kitchen.
Thursday seemed to see the nip in the air disappear for a while and i went all summery again. I took my ootd photo up at annerley again, cause it is such a quaint place. I went photo crazy.
i took photos everywhere i could and ensured i left the quaint little gate exactly how it was - open!
i wore top from huudaverti, skirt made by me, shoes from mollini and gold hoops from lovisa and gold sequin belt made by me, which just happened to fall off at some point through the day and was never to be seen again.
Friday was Fashion Revolution day and the day that commemorates the tragic anniversary of the Rana plaza collapse in Bangladesh and the day to ask "who made your clothes?"
Today we also held an afternoon tea for our sewers in Fiji, as it was important for us to acknowledge the work they do for our label huudaverti.
I wore tartan pants and top made by me, men's suede shoes from stone, my mismatched love heart earrings and necklaces that are yonks old.
hello weekend, and it was cool enough to sport some jeans and a longer sleeve top. I recently went bra shopping - what an ordeal that is, and i have to say, after being given three different bra sizes, at three different shops, i was confused and in the end, went with what felt comfortable and that was triumph. They offer me comfort, a little bit of sexy, a lot of uplift and with 25% off there was three coming home in the bag. i don't know when i last had a bra that felt not frumpy and just for function, but this was the one and i was going to let it peak through my shirt.
i wore jeans from target, shoes from jo mercer, top from tree of life, silver hoops and awesome bra from triumph.
Sunday was kaftan day and massage day. and i loooooove them both. it has hearts and frills and hearts and frills. love love love love love. literally! it was bloody windy today and i did quick poses to ensure that my tripod didn't blow over in the wind. it was nutz.
at the boundary street markets, there is now a bagel store. not bakery bagels, but boiled bagels. the real deal and this is now my sunday staple. thank you bagel boys.
i wore kaftan from huudaverti, shoes from nine west and earrings from odel sri lanka (shopping tip) and the massage as always is from i do thai massage from west end.
i am going to end on a bit of a serious note - a debbie downer if you choose to see it that way. i am a total believer in people being free to do what they want, but what if they are doing something that puts themselves and others at risk? what do you do? apart from having a love of fashion, it isn't my main bread and butter. i have a job that is on the opposite end of the spectrum. it is serious and it is in a high risk industry. and sadly, sometimes people go to work and may not come home to their families at the end of the day due to unforseen accidents that may be caused by distractions of others. isn't that a horrible thing to consider. i have been their 4 years and over that time, the education towards safety has made me stop and think about the practices i do each day, that may incur a risk to the safety of me or those around me.
we had a toolbox talk a while back about the use of mobile phones when driving and the statistics were so frightening that from that day, i decided not to use my phone in the car. it has been about 2 and a half years now and guess what - there has been no emergency to or from work, i haven't missed any important facebook updates and i haven't been distracted by texting (not that i ever did) but it is really alarming to know what i know and see people continue to be using their phones while driving. i don't know who this lady is, but she was obviously needing to do something very very important while in control of vehicle.
as i often travel in a 4WD, i see so many people using their phones in high speed, low speed and they are usually looking at the screen - how do you focus on the road? Isn't it illegal to use your phone in a vehicle????? i for one, don't want to be the reason that you or someone else doesn't make it home safely to the people you love and who love you, because i decided that watching my phone was more important that watching the road ahead.
this week, i didn't intentionally set out to wear all black, but by the time it got to wednesday, i was already immersed, in one of the most beautiful colours there it. i actually really love black. it was probably my favourite before hot pink. i love black so much, that i even went as far as to die my hair from blond to black, way back in 1998 and i couldn't imagine having it any other colour.
this was also the week where talk turned to Matilda Kahl, the art director who has worn the same "uniform" of black pants and white shirt to work for the past 3 years. I understand her motivation, but as someone who loves to express through clothes and believes that since work is really the majority of our day, week, month, year and life (unless i win a big lotto), then i am going to use these hours to dress in ways that make me feel like i live a life that isn't just about work.
as much as i enjoyed the all black looks, i am excited to be getting back to randomness in the colour wheel tomorrow.
so how did the week of wearing black pan out
monday - start of the week - fuck fuck fuck - can see why matilda kahl opts for the uniform, cause monday arrives with a thud and it's what the fuck am i going to wear today, day.
as it turned out, i loved wearing this outfit. there was a little bit of sparkle, to make me feel like i could be anywhere else but the office and of course with the glasses, i could probably have driven past the office, cause they don't exactly provide the best vision - but damn they look good.
i wore black tube skirt from huudaverti, top from suzanne grae, shoes from whittner, heart earrings from nyc and brisbane (they are mismatched) and glasses from davies park market.
tuesday - who wore it better.
i have been dying to wear this dress, and so it seems, did my sister. it's a little shorter than i would normally wear to work, but wow, it made me want to walk tall and i could feel the walk tall envy all around me.
i wore, dress from huudaverti, shoes from novo, earrings made by my sisters boyfriend
she wore, dress from huudaverti, shoes that made her want to jump and glasses to shield her eyes from the tropical panorama of fiji.
wednesday - the day that i felt there was no turning back from the black. i know what they say, but i can't say that i actually know if it's true. but for this week, once i wore black, there was no turning back.
wednesday was also the day i decided to see if i could find out if i was imagining if someone was actually going into my work drawer and taking my gum. i decided to place it strategically in my drawer and check the next day to see whether any was gone. #dontbetakingmygumgumdumdum
it was also the day i needed to get my shit together and finalise my designs for fiji fashion week. they aren't going to do themselves, jan-maree! so on my drive home, i decided to stop and soak up the sunset and i encourage everyone to do the same. it's so nice to just sit, enjoy and appreciate the beauty of the light, the end of the day and the journey into wine time.
i wore pants from country road, top from suzanne grae, shoes from betts, earrings from fiji and necklace from india.
thursday - i knew this dress had to come out of the closet this week, cause not only is it black, but it's beautiful. the design is good and the texture is gooderer and it feels quite refined (not a word i usually associate with myself) but surely it's okay just this once.
i wore dress made by me, shoes from betts, random waist tie i pulled out of the drawer and earrings, of some kind.
also, there was no movement on the chewy problem. it was all still there!
friday is casual day in the office and don't i look casual. i grabbed these pants out of the wardrobe and promptly set about finding something black to go with them. it needed to not only be black, but to be something that i felt would not only compliment them but also protect the downstairs area, cause the god damn zip keeps coming down. I will not part with them though, cause i love them.
i wore wet look jeans from target with zip that falls down, singlet from uniqlo, peacock necklace from sportsgirl, shoes from whittner, and top from h&m new york, circa 2005 and i did actually buy one for my sister in fiji, cause that's a thing we do. one for me, one for her.
saturday came and i was ready to twirl.
i twirled with my girl Miss H, outside the coffee shop.
i also grabbed a burger from wild rissole at the boundary street market. i am a vegetarian and he has a vege pattie, but it's made of mushrooms, so straight away i am not winning. he also has a haloumi burger which was fantastic and the guy decided he would try and help me bridge the mushroom gap by offering me a mini mini pattie to try. i tried, i survived, but i still don't like mushroom.
i wore tulle skirt made and handed over willingly from my sister, yonks old top from temt, belt made by me, necklaces that i have had forever, and haviainas, which according to some, let the outfit down, but according to others, look great. i also won't be eating mushroom burger from wild rissole. but he does make a great burger if ever you are there.
i also attended a 50th birthday (trial for my impending one next year) and decided to dress like i was going to a party and that required some sparkle.
as i also own a convertible - it's a volvo - and it's awsome, it's so fun to drive around sans top and just look up at every opportunity. i wasn't driving, cause driving and keeping your eyes towards the sky wouldn't be smart, but it's pretty cool to have that view, unless of course you fly under birds.
i wore silver vinyl skirt made by me, beaded top from sri lanka, shoes from whittner (haven't they had a run this week) and the crazy chair i was sitting in was from st vinnies in west end. also volvo headlights, do amazing things for ones glow.
sunday - last but not least. it was massage day - my weekly ritual and the day the reign of black would end.
i wore shorts and earrings made by me, sheer top from suzanne grae and cap from target to hide dirty hair.
so black is black and i need some colour back. come on week 17.
seems only fitting that i share this awesome 70's song which will either make you want to get off your chair and dance, or leave you totally mesmerised by the era that was disco.
here's a snapshot of the last week's looks and wasn't there a lot of one legged action. my favourite bird is the flamingo, so maybe i was channeling.
so i haven't quite got the post easter sugar fix out of my system which may have contributed to the length of my last weeks 'what i wore' post, and i still have bunnies and they stand to attention every time i look up at them above my desk. sorry bunnies, your day's are numbered.
i did mention last week that i had been working on a project all over the easter break and on Monday night we launched our new look huudaverti website. this was such a mammoth task, but it felt really great to have made this important update and i think continuing to grow and change is not only important for a person but necessary for a business. if we don't continue to evolve, we are at risk of not being prepared for opportunities that may present in the every changing world of fashion.
now i'm gonna get down to business for week 15 of the year.
i had to think about what day it was, because with the extended break, i looked dressed for a weekend, but it was actually monday. every sunday i go for a massage in west end at i do thai massage it started as a bit of an ad hoc thing to do, but it's now a weekly necessity. they also have a little boutique attached and i got this dress from their the small collection they used to have there. they don't have much of this brand left but have just got a whole lot of new stuff in there from other brands. half the fun of sharing my ootd's is now also about finding a back drop where i can feel like i am not just posing against the same wall all the time and this was a great one. it is behind the lift bakery cafe at highgate hill. yum yum!
i wore dress from i do thai massage, west end. the brand is mr & mrs wardrobe from indonesia. shoes are from nine west.
tuesday back to work and i often head up to the sports ground at annerley as they have some fun places for take photos. on this day, i snuck through the gates of the bridge club and when i saw this little building, i was in love and couldn't wait to go stand up against it take some selfies. it was amost mystical there, it was a bit chilly, and the light was amazing which just added to the beauty of the backdrop.
i wore, a black thick crepe dress i had made some years ago, but it's still a super fave. shoes are from novo and my necklace is from robert kennedy fiji.
wednesday - upcycle and recycle - i put on this outfit and wasn't quite sure - was it the shoes, was it too much pink - no, cause you can never have too much pink, was it the pom poms, the sparkles, the velvet, the embroidery. after a few twirls in the mirror, i went yep, there is too much of every thing, but fuck it, it all works and off i went. i headed off in search of a backdrop and at the girl guide hall in annerley, the kids have painted on the building and as soon as i saw it, i knew that with everything i had going on in my outfit, that this would work perfectly.
i wore a pink velvet top that i made from a piece of left over fabric which i added pom poms to the bottom. a skirt that i got in india. it never fitted, because it was so tiny round the waist, but i loved it and ended up cutting it off and making it a short skirt. i added a gold sequin belt that i made and my shoes are from betts.
thurday. i actually don't read fashion mags or follow any style guides. everything i make or wear is what i put together from my own imagination and today it was red red red. the annerley sports area has featured quite a lit in my backdrops this week and these great water tanks at the rugby field became the simple highlight for such a strong outfit. when i looked down over my red top and saw my red shoes peeking out from my red pants, it looked great.
the red didn't stop their, cause i also wore some red eyeshadow and a very very red lipstick from natio called rush.
i wore black singlet from uniqlo, shoes from mollini. the floral open sided top, red stretch sateen pants and belt were made by me. the earrings came from fiji.
TGIF - this was the longest shortest week ever and it was the day i needed toast - done my way. i like to toast it, let it go cold, by forming a toast pyramid, then slather it with butter and put vegemite on, but only down the centre. quite the runway strip going on, but this way, i get the love of the butter and just the right amount of the good old aussie tradition, that is vegemite.
this was also the week i had a personal training session on wednesday and was rendered useless by my robot legs by friday. i needed to get grounded, and that required a bit of an urban look where i was easily able to perform some stretches as required in the office. my backdrop was under the lychee lounge west end and was the right place for this one. sometimes it's only after i see the photo that i notice all the detail and i love those pipes that are attached to the wall.
i wore metallic top from just jeans, elastic bottom pants from target, metallic converse hightops gifted from my niece, my favourite mis matched heart earrings and a last addition, a necklace from sri lanka.
could saturday be any more fun? this dress is a party in itself and as i headed into the davies park markets for my usual saturday food fest, i drove past this roll-a-door, that i drive past every week and knew that this had to be the backdrop. the dress is strong, the back drop is strong and kapow, they both just work.
this is also the day that my little friend Miss H, from last week's post looked in amazement as i walked into the coffee shop and i have had a dress like this commissioned for her. she will love it.
i wore layer upon layer dress from huudaverti, slides that i got from rio de janiero, red tear drop earrings, and hair accentuated with beaded bobby pins that i made.
sunday is here again and i frocked up to head out for my morning coffee, before my weekly massage. i look in awe at this giant tree on montague road at davies park west end and took the opportunity to use it as my backdrop. it's an amazing tree and one that i plan on going back just to walk around and investigate it further. i am not sure how old it is, but it has so much depth an character. it's beautiful.
i wore dress made by me and hand beaded with motifs from india, and beads that go all the way round the neckline. shoes come from venice and i left the house with washed wet hair and some virgin coconut oil on my face and a splash of lipstick. i felt very smart, but also fresh. this dress does have a downside though, it has a sheen and it once caused me to nearly slide off my workseat, which would be so unfashionable, but totally funny, if there were no injures. it comes with a safety warning.
another wrap up done and i love that i am documenting all my looks. this was also the week that we started to get a little chill in the air in brisbane and i decided while doing some more post storm clean up - yes 5 months and still sorting it out - that i would get a blanket out that my nana knitted before she died. she has been gone nearly 10 years and this has never been used. how silly. it's out of the bag now and on my bed, where it deserves to be.
and with the arrival of the blanket out of storage, it's not going to be long till i need to think about getting the winter gear out of storage and ready to wear. i am ready for a change - bring on the boots.
