DSTSS - do you see what i see?

44.  Understand separate realities

Guess what - here's a revelation.....we are all different!

We all think differently
We all look different
Like different food
movies
cars
people
hobbies
weather
locations
exercise
jobs
travel destinations
and so it goes on and on and on....

We all have our separate realities, and because of this, we all have different points of view when it comes to the looking at the same situation.   We see things differently and may react differently to the same thing that someone else may be seeing or experiencing.   And it's probably for many reasons and often only known to us.

                                                                           

   



Having a different point of view or seeing something differently doesn't make you right and someone else wrong, it just makes us different and it's what makes our lives filled with joy and sometimes with hurt.

So the message in this chapter, is that through the acceptance of separate realities, we can look at things in a way that may keep our perspective clear and our relationships in tact.

Note to self.  Just because i react differently to a situation doesn't make it right or wrong, it doesn't mean that i don't understand what someone else may be feeling, it just means that i make a choice to look at it in a different way.  And that different way is probably by finding and opening a big heart to ensure that separate realities are understood and respected. Watch out, or a big heart might just jump out of this picture straight into your eyeballs.  Somethings you just cant un-see, so embrace it and remember it's there, whenever you get slapped in the face with a separate reality.

DSTSS - the 12 foot bed

43.  Become an Anthropologist

Anthropology - the science of dealing with man and his origins.

I touched briefly on a place called Bimbetka in a previous post where I saw rock paintings that were over 30,000 year's old - An Anthropologist's dream.  And i will never forget the generosity of my sister and her husband for taking me along on some of their indian adventures.

Anthropology according to Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - being interested, without judgement in the way other people choose to live and behave (ie let's open our heart to compassion and patience).

On this very same adventure - not only did my sister and i have an extreme need to use the one toilet in our hotel room at the same time - causing me to feel compassion for what she was feeling as she yelled at me to hurry up and finish my business (sorry for the overshare but in india, apparently, happiness is a dry fart - and i wasn't taking any chances), but i also got to experience an event, that for some people may have caused frustration and annoyance at the total lack of smarts that was exhibited. We didn't judge someone else's absurdity, we didn't think we were better than the person who did this, but we just laughed and said - i love my india.

When you are the plus one, it's not always possible to end up with a real bone fide comfy bed - sometimes you have to work with what you get and i was on the floor on a mattress. The mattress was pretty thin and pretty uncomfortable and when we headed out the morning after my thin and uncomfortable sleep, we asked if we could have another mattress cause the bed wasn't quite big enough.   And sure enough they delivered on what I had asked - a bigger bed! Yep, there was another mattress and my bed was now about 12 feet long and like any proper housekeeping, it was made up perfectly  H I L A R I O U S!

So where did it all go wrong - was it my poor explanation - or where they just trying to be funny to annoy me - well it doesn't matter - cause there was no need for annoyance, or judgement or arrogance due to my western thinking, it was what it was and it was funny to the point where tears were running down our legs.....

Best sleep ever - that extra 6 foot made all the difference!

Note to self:  Not everyone looks same same, thinks same same or is same same and that's okay.  When we choose to be accepting of these differences, then our heart becomes a little bigger and with that, small things don't seem quite so big.

DSTSS - heart someone

42.  Spend a moment, everyday, thinking of someone to love

I have such an affinity to this chapter, that i am glad i get to write about it.

Have you ever had somebody in your life that has hurt you and you have just responded with a quiet "I''ll send you some love"  I have - maybe even more than one!

When my all but brief marriage broke down many years ago - when i was just a very young adult - i felt such hurt and anger that i really let it eat into me.

When i made that conscious choice to make change in my life, i knew i had to address the hurt i was feeling and find some forgiveness for the sake of me, him, my son, my family and friends.  Holding onto anger, is such an exhausting process and one which literally eats away at your body and soul. It's a very hard thing to do, cause why would we ever want to forgive anyone who hurts us?  Often those same issues that needed to be forgiven come up in future encounters, thus prolonging the cycle of hurt and anger.

I would send love to him, even thought it felt really wrong and really really hard, but eventually, i didn't even think about any of the hurt i was feeling and healing had begun.

The author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff attributes many positive things about sending someone some love.  It breaks down resentment, it opens your heart to being more loving, it enables forgiveness and it fills you with positive energy and eventually you may feel a shift in how we react to some of life's little irritations.

I found this great rock on the beach in yamba a few years back - it was meant to be mine.  I heart it and it sits pride of place on my dining room cupboard and it reminds me of the importance of love all the time.

Note to self:  Start your day thinking of someone to love - maybe the first person who comes into your mind needs it as much as you do.  Just take a moment to wish them a day filled with love and kindness and maybe your day will become even better for it.

DSTSS - let it go, let it go, let it go!

41.  Avoid weatherproofing

Put your hand up if you have ever been weatherproofed?  I don't mean get your rain coat and umbrella out to protect you from impending rain, but the type of weatherproofing that comes with another person's need to find little faults or things that they wish to point out about you that you are doing wrong or they don't quite like or find irritating.  Funny though - these are often the very things that we may find so endearing or interesting or quirky about another person we meet and and have strong interactions with.

Weatherproofing is great if you need to make sure your house doesn't have leaks, or have places where the wind may blow in under the door - these can be fixed for your own comfort, but weatherproofing people means that you are always on the lookout for what needs to be fixed with someone else or pointing out their faults and flaws because you feel you need to fix them.

I've been around someone who constantly weatherproofs - about everything and usually with anyone they meet.  It's extreme and it isn't pretty to watch and I've seen that hole get deeper and deeper as the person on the receiving end reacts to someone telling them what they should be doing.  you should this....you shouldn't that....i don't like how you.....if you keep doing that.....and on and on on.

Feeling the need to tell someone how they should live their life or point out their flaws constantly and often in public just shines the light on your need to be critical and spend your energy on something that isn't very constructive.

Note to self:  If what is about to come out of your mouth isn't going to lift a person higher and make them feel good about themself - then zip it!  And janijans - you are also doing a little bit of weatherproofing - so whatcha gonna do bout it?  Practice my mantra - let it go, worry about your own backyard, not someone elses!