Tuesday, 3 October 2017

DSTSS - the human emoji

88. Listen to your feelings (they are trying to tell you something)

How often do you listen to your feelings? How often do you try to fight them and how often do you just accept them as something that just is? And how often do you stop and learn from them?
I've always had a strong connection to my gut feelings and intuitions, but sometimes, I am not sure I have given my "external feelings" the respect they have deserved.  I know this to be true of late as I have been listening to them and they are certainly telling me that there is some area of my life out of balance because I am feeling things that are causing my usually calm ship to be rocking a little. 

One of my recurring feelings is that of loneliness.  It's not a bad thing, it's just a feeling and my overall sense of well being and worth is fine, which means my ship is still forging ahead on calm waters and my happy feelings are still very much just that - happy! But I am conscious that I had to take a personal life break to address and support my son's needs and it really did feel like the brakes went on mine, as my main priorities were him and my work - the 2 things that needed my undivided attention for a period of time.

During that time came another range of changes that I have had to address.  There was financial impact - I can deal with that by cutting back (not sure what else though as I live pretty lean and thank goodness for my mum) and then the impact of the choices I had to make as to how I spent the spare time I had, along with managing my own emotions throughout it all.  Connecting with others is such a human need that makes me thrive and it was really hard to keep building this part of my life under such intense pressure - hence the loneliness.

So I find myself kind of at the starting line again.  I still feel like a newbie in the city and it's been a slow journey of building my life here. I know money isn't everything, but sometimes, I would have just loved to have had a little bucket of "yes" money, that I could have used to open my world up a bit quicker. But it is what it is and i shouldn't be sweating the small stuff, right!

Our feelings are like a little barometer of our wellbeing, so what do I do with these feelings I am feeling? Do I make them my normal and let the rock my boat?  Do I fight them and let them disrupt my spirit level of life? Or do I acknowledge them, accept them and then do something to address them? Well, I am a doer, so I will be doing something.

As we live more and more through technology, I feel we are becoming more and more out of touch with others and our lives are strung together by the constant tapping of a keyboard and we don't even need words to communicate with others.  We use emojis, to show how we are feeling. I am a human emoji and I want to keep humanly connected with others. Look at me, the happiness emoji.
 
Yesterday I decided to go for a walk around The Tan - another Melbourne treat. My first time ever and I loved it. I left my phone at home, but took an old one that only had my music and even that died 2 kms in, so it was just me and all the other people out enjoying their afternoon walk and I didn't feel lonely at all. I got home, felt refreshed and connected to life and went about my night, without any negative feelings of loneliness within me. And then the news broke of yet and another mass shooting overseas and I can only but imagine what the people involved are feeling and that kind of puts my little blip into perspective.

The second thing I did was quit my gym. My work pays for it, but if i don't use it, I end up paying for it and guess what, I haven't been using it. So that decision put the guilt of that wasted money away and leaves me free to have it back in my bank account for something else. The 66 bucks per month could be the difference between me being connected with others in a way that will build friendships and help me to begin on my journey again rather then going and smashing out time on the treadmill - alone! But I am aware that I need to maintain the physical and the emotional balance.

And the third thing I am doing is continuing to be grateful and live in the moment. When you are in that space it is calm and you can listen to and learn what you need to from your feelings. Ironically, I was given two gratitude stones last weekend, from two very dear friends. The hand painted one was picked randomly for me and is depicted as Warrior with a Spear. I truly identify with these words and I do feel like a warrior at times and that somehow my journey and purpose is to help others as I go along my way and I want to do that by being a human warrior emoji.....not a keyboard warrior. 
I'm reminded of words from a colleague I worked with and it was action is everything. We can have the best intentions, but if we don't action them, they are wasted opportunities. And with that, it is my intention to start a meet up group for women like me, who find themselves starting again but don't quite know how to start.  I want to fill it with human emojis who are courageous enough to listen to their feelings and become life warriors.

Note to self: Have the courage to own your truth and have the courage to own your feelings. The truth is I am lonely and the truth is that I can choose to do something about it. Our feelings change constantly and by choosing to listen to them, and speak about them, we can choose the level of control they have over us and use them to help define our path forward. If I feel like this, then others probably do as well, so it's time for the human action emoji to act.

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