Tuesday 12 September 2017

DSTSS - Put a lid on it

86. The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view

So, 14 chapters out from finishing my project and I have hit a wall, it's not a writers block kind of wall, cause I don't suffer from that problem, I've always got plenty to say. Rather, it's about how I tackle this chapter kind of wall. A chapter that probably summed up the whole reason why I began my project in the first place - arguments - big fat nasty life changing arguments.  But I don't even want or need to use any of that material here because it isn't relevant for where I am now in my life.

What I have known for a long time though is that there are never any winners when someone walks into or away from an argument with the "I'll show them" or the "I showed them" attitude. It's not gonna be pretty, because no one is prepared to back down until every possible trick in the book has been used to get a point across and even small things that could easily just be overlooked and not made a big deal of can suddenly become a raging rapid. You might think you are just gonna take a few steps into a gently flowing stream, only to find yourself waist deep in the fast flowing waters that are quickly heading towards a waterfall and you aren't sure if your footing is going to hold.
The energy required to maintain a position of power in an argument is no different to trying to get yourself safely back to shore as you near the edge of that waterfall and you might just be wondering how the hell you ended up so far from calmer waters.

For me as someone who was always on the receiving end of another's need to win an argument, the physiological feelings that came with this were always terrible.  The sick feeling, the shaking, the crying and the trying to even out your emotions again afterwards - it's really horrible and totally unhealthy, along with having to "get over it". Why would anyone want to be in that state? And why would anyone want to contribute to another person being in that state, whether they are someone you know, or someone who you just found yourself with in the wrong place at the wrong time. The affects on the person trying to take their stance and win aren't any better either.

So what do you do if you find yourself in a situation where you might not be in agreeance with another person's point of view? Why not listen.  Just listen. And have the courage to genuinely ask the other person why they feel the way they do about their belief.  And listen. And just listen some more. Your own beliefs and opinions will still remain true to you and by doing this, your friendships and relationships may not take a battering.  Instead, they may be strengthened, while your journey towards being a better, more compassionate and kinder human will start to unfold.

Note to self: Can you leave your ego at the door? Can you let your guard down and acknowledge that sometimes what we consider to be winning isn't actually winning at all. Winning at life is when you accept that we are all running the same race and you hold out your hand to the person next to you so you both have a chance to win, or at least just have a chance.

1 comment:

  1. Much need insrtuction! people nowadays don't believe in listening to others' point of view which is actually the root cause of every arguement and fight.