DSTSS - i can't fight this feeling any more

76. Get comfortable not knowing

well first of all i don't want to talk about getting comfortable, cause that's like flying in the no go zone, cause you should just never get comfortable.....with anything. but what i do want to talk about is getting uncomfortable.

getting uncomfortable shakes you up, makes you think, rattles your cage, can frighten the fuck out of you, can offer you fresh eyes, keeps you challenged and then maybe when the dust settles you can afford to get a little bit comfortable having wondered why on earth you were sweating the effects of planned or unplanned change anyway.

i had my fair share of uncomfortable over the past few years. can you imagine having a whole lot of crazy shit happening - like you are all la di da di da chugging along living your non perfect but bearable life and then SHAZAM the shit hits the fan and you don't know which bit of shit will land on you and what you will use to scrape it off. and the bigger question is, do you fight it or just roll with it and see what may present itself once the stink has gone. what if the shit totally misses you and you go, hey what are the odds of that happening? i chose to roll with it, and accept that maybe there was a bigger reason why things were happening the way they were. Shit way flying everywhere, and i ended up stepping over it or around it. YESSS!

so here's a scenario.....you are going about your business and then one day something big happens and you just go what the fuck, and then another day something big happens and you just go what the fuck fuck - i just had that other fucked thing happen. and then something big happens again and you are like, seriously.....WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK - now i have this plus all that other fucked stuff happening.

that was pretty much my life for 18 months.. 5 major life changing events that i had to manage and 4 of them happened within a 2 month period and i chose to accept, rather than fight it. it was fucking intense. There was so much FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  my house, my marriage, my living arrangements, the storm that nearly killed me and trashed my house and possessions PLUS MORE and i couldn't control any of it, i just had to weather it out. and then one day something else happened, but it wasn't fucked - and within a week all the loose ends were tied up and my life changed forever and for the better and those preceding fucked up events were all integral in the positive change that occurred and bought me to this very moment where i am now. divine intervention works in mysterious ways.

i didn't know why all this was happening, but it just was and i had to get comfortable not knowing why. it was what it was.

Note to self: follow the path that's being laid out in front of you (even if you think it's leading nowhere and is painful and frightening) continue to be open to all possibilities. keep an open mind in order to keep an open life and know that we don't know what will happen from minute to minute to take you where you need to be on your life journey. sometimes you don't need to know why.