Thursday, 3 September 2015

the L word

for the second time in few weeks, i had felt the effects of the L word and by the L word i mean loneliness - don't worry it was a temporary thing, but one that felt pretty yukky when it hit me with the force of a sledgehammer.  what's caused it? well it's a few things when i think about it.

1. leaving my security blanket of the life that was
2. finding my feet on the life that now is
3. not having a place to call my own - where i see my things, and sleep in my bed and use my stuff
4. and not yet having a network of people to connect with.

i never took for granted all the people i had in my circle but not being able to walk into my regular coffee shop and engage with my friends is something i really miss, but that will change once i plant myself.

when i had the last bout of the L word, i walked into our team meeting and informed the group that i was feeling pretty crap, that i was feeling a bit overwhelmed (yes me, overwhelmed), lonely and out of my comfort zone and after shedding a few tears i felt better (how good is a little rain from the eyes).  i didn't feel awkward at all, just a sense of relief knowing that i wasn't going to hold onto those feelings for the rest of the day.

after the meeting the leader of our team checked in on me and assured that what i am feeling is totally normal and given all the things that have happened over the past 18 months that there would be some shedding of armour.

so how do i get through these feelings? by acceptance.

accept that this is just a temporary state of being
accept that i need to be in the moment and be grateful for getting to enjoy this new experience, even though it's felt tough
accept that going to the gym and running (or trying) for a period of time is a great distraction and it shifted my mind away from what i was feeling - hello endorphins
accept a glass of chardonnay, when you probably feel like a grigio

so as i finish my post today, i am feeling pretty excited to share that i have found a place to live, i picked up the keys today.  it's exactly as i imagined it to be and in the location where i want to live.   and i got to see the first wave of my belongings when i unpacked my taxibox.  i shall move in properly over the next few days.
Life throws us all these feelings that sometimes we don't know how to control, but accepting them is a great way to start.

and i know first hand how hard that can be, but it's possible. so with that, i look forward to finding my new normal and i don't want to waste my precious moments on this planet worrying about things that may stop me from enjoying right now, even the L word.
have i got a takeaway from this - sure do - we all have these things in our life that we don't like or feel we have no control over - our body shape, our relationships, our job. i'd love my hair not to be falling out in clumps, but it is and i see it as a by product of recent events. but whatever it may be, by accepting it, it becomes easier to deal with and you look for new ways to make it better.

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