Monday, 21 September 2015

creating my soul vision

when i was a teenager i went to live with my nana in the northern new south wales town of macksville - it was also where i was born and it was quite the life forming adventure.

my lovely nana was a grand seamstress and we would go shopping at the local fabric store, and she would then make clothes that i had created in my mind.  i always had a great wardrobe, and i think she loved the creating just as much as me. i would also buy fashion magazines and enjoyed seeing what the world had to offer in fashion. it was the early 80's and it was on the go.
one day i started to rip out pics from the magazines and began sticking them into the back of my wardrobe so when i opened it, i would see all these great images - not just fashion, but stuff that was appealing to me.  as a teenager though, most of my clothes ended up on the floor, but i did love to keep adding stuff to the wall regardless.

i've been documenting my life journey over the last few years and when i said goodbye to my lovely work colleagues in July before i made the epic move to melbourne, i was gifted a workshop from the space in between. i don't know why but on reflection it was the perfect gift for me - i was in transition and this workshop was for people who have or are at the crossroads and wanting to explore living their life by their heart....not their head and by a way that was true to themselves.

the day of the workshop coincided with me just moving to my new place and the last thing on my mind was spending the day doing something other than unpacking, but rather than change the day, i found my way to session and arrived with an open mind.

there was about 12 people there and they had all made the decision to attend. me on the other hand had the decision made for me, so i was out on a limb.  i had already made great change (some great, and some that sucked) in the preceding months, but i felt i had a clear direction of where i was going.

prior to the day we were asked to think about the things we wanted in our life and start collecting images out of magazines - ah, didn't i already do that in the 80's? well yes, but i did it unconsciously and this time it was consciously.

i had to think about the things i wanted to fill my life with going forward and being consumed with finding a place and setting into my job, didn't leave me much time, but i did arrive with a few pics that i took off google- really there was just about 5 - not enough to fill a piece of cardboard.

as the session commenced, i found myself quite out of place.  people around me were wanting to bring change into their life and lo and behold, i had made change - from my marriage, to my job, to my move to the other end of the country. that's quite a lot in a short period of time and that along with a few other things ranks quite high on the scale of possible stress self destruction - but i navigated my way through and was ready to open myself to more.

well i don't have all night to sit here and write about the day, but i did look for ways to make this opportunity one that worked in my favour - from the acknowledgement of many practices i already have in my life to the willingness to look for ways to open my mind further to what the universe may present and finally to the making of the soul board - a constant reminder to let me engage with a deeper level of possibilities.
i flicked through some mags and found myself being drawn to things that i wanted to bring into my life and set about sticking them onto a piece of cardboard and it now sits front and centre in my place, so i will see it all the time and can connect with it.

what i found after this workshop is the fear of self sabotage surfaced - as i feel that so much great stuff has happened for me really quickly, that i want to be grateful and embrace all the new things that came and are coming but will there be a cost? and that's my next challenge - clearing out this little piece of self doubt that is saying - you cant, you wont - FUCK YOU SELF DOUBT - you didn't make it to the board.....

and with that, i just say power on, through any moments that you have to question, through any things you want to do but feel that other's wouldn't approve on, through living your own life, the way you want to, with the soul board your deserve.

i don't think you need to have a soul board to make change in your life, but having the desire to step outside your comfort zone and believe in yourself is a good way to start.

thank you everyone at my past job for giving me another leg up to becoming a better me.

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