Thursday 19 February 2015

dstss - take what you need

51. Just for fun, agree with criticisms directed toward you (then watch it go away)

criticism   [krit-uh-siz-uh m] 

eew what a nasty word, or is it.

last year i read a great book called why wait to be great, it's either now or too late

she has a chapter in her book about criticism and the effects it can have on us.  so often criticism is about the stuff we aren't doing right (according to others) and it can hurt our soul.  but what if we just shrugged that criticism off and went thanks for the feedback and just went about our business of being awesome. wouldn't that just stop people in their tracks.

over my time, i have been on the receiving end of some pretty nasty criticism/feedback and it has usually been from people who "love" me or "care" for me or only have my best interest at heart.......supposedly! and yep, it hurts (and some of it still does). I sometimes think that because i generally don't react to stuff (doesn't mean i don't care) that people feel the need to keep pressing different buttons till they find the one that may set you off.

it can often be really hard to let go of that negative stuff, when it seems like the only way that someone else may be able to express themself is through a personal attack and when it happens, you just feel so deflated.  But this criticism is just one person's opinion and often it is just a reaction to something they cant deal with.

one thing i have found is that building mental resilience is a great way to be able to cope - with just about anything.

having this resilience means that the little things and the big things either don't bother you, or the impact on you is very minimal, enabling you to get on with life.  it is something that you build up over time and is often through high stress or difficult situations, which is how i found my mental resilience.  it also enables me to keep perspective.

I have over the past few years, found that my mental resilience has taken a battering - hence why i started blogging through this book. i don't wish to become a reactive person, or a negative person, and i certainly don't want to get to a point where i just say fuck it and start making everyone elses life miserable.  i am grateful to have the perspective to look beyond a situation and see what lies further ahead.  An example of this is that last week, i was feeling pretty flat (for obvious reasons) and even though i was feeling this way, i was still able to acknowledge that it was only a temporary thing and i was able to see that beyond this moment, i still had all the positive stuff around me.

Well, back to the criticism, and i am going to quote from the book ...there are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses a situations, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position and, perhaps most important, provides you with an opportunity remain calm.

i think the last piece is a really important one.  Being calm makes many situations easier, even though our body has this built in defense mechanism when we feel under threat, if we can rationally acknowledge what is being said without reacting, may make the situation easier.

I had a really bad reaction to some criticism/feedback that was given to me at work a few years ago.  i felt it was unjust, unnecessary, not thought through and overall a bit lacking in substance, and i reacted. the feedback was given to me second hand as well, and was passed on from someone, who eventually contributed to the total deflation of a really engaged and amazing team. it just confirmed to me, that it wasn't me, it was them.


Note to self: if there is something from a critical comment that you feel could make a positive difference to your life and enable you to grow as a person, then take what you need otherwise, just flick that shit and step out of it. you deserve better.

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