Sunday 11 January 2015

not so happy new year

i guess i am not alone when we reach the end of another year and time is taken to reflect on what was and what will be. i know in previous blogs i have talked about not looking back and staying in the moment, but in order to grow, i think it's important to acknowledge aspects of life both good and bad, accept them, then move forward.

last year was really a tuffy. i started blogging my way through "don't sweat the small stuff" as things at home were pretty much spiraling out of control and it was a way for me to remind myself of some of those lessons i learnt long ago, about keeping perspective, keeping calm in a difficult situation, and understanding how to deal with what i could and couldn't control and being in the moment. i think i have written a lot about the importance of making the best of every moment possible, cause we just don't know what the next card is that we will be dealt.

the biggest change last year came with the decision to end my marriage. It's no secret now, people know and are shocked and surprised and probably saddened, as we are, and the irony is that neither of us can move forward in any way, as we haven't sold this fucking house.  the same house we had grand plans for, before we were forced to sell, the same house that led me to start blogging about not sweating the fucking small stuff and the same fucking house that is still on the market and doesn't look like selling any time soon.  so until that happens, this is what it is. we can't change it, but we can make the most of it and we have both agreed (and probably laugh a bit about it) that we will probably still be living together in this termite ridden, storm damaged fucking house, till we die.

So i wrote all that last Sunday morning before heading out to lunch with dave and my mum. we care for each other, we spent christmas together, it's same same, but different and i really needed to go forward into the new year acknowledging that this change had occurred.

Well, we headed out to lunch and the cray cray train just rolled on in.  when i think about this past week, it's just been another reality check about never taking anything, anyone or any moment for granted, cause life can change in the blink of an eyelid or in our case, when you next need to swallow.

Dave felt unwell on Sunday arvo, he said he had trouble swallowing and his tongue was tingly.  He then started to have speech difficulty and on Monday morning, he went to the emergency with what we thought was probably nothing, but as it turns out it is something.  he has spent 4 nights in intensive care with an eventual diagnosis of Guillian-barre syndrome, a-typical.. it's reversible, but its symptoms pretty much render the patient bedridden for a period of time. it attacks the nerves and the muscles, so he has had no sensation from the quads upwards. He will need an extended hospital and rehab stint.  he aint allowed home until he can manage to chew and swallow food by himself. the prognosis for this is good - people make full recoveries and so far the signs are promising.

it's been a topsy turvy week, and one where i headed back to work putting all the shit behind me of the past few months. it was a great break and then wham bam thank you mam, the universe throws another fucking curve ball.  I am thankful though that i had the opportunity to just let everything go that has happened over the past few months, to give me the energy to deal with this.  Cause, i need to be there to see him get well.
Thank you to everyone who has checked in, visited, hugged me/us.  I am very humbled by the care and concern of our friends and family and i would never in a million years have thought that in a moment, so much could change in such a life changing way.

I can't go into details, but i have seen stuff this week that has just given me more reason to be kinder to everyone.  Car accident victims, a one punch victim, accidental brain injuries, the guy who doesn't want the operation, and Dave, a guy who was going about his business, when the unexpected happened.  

Note to self: be prepared for any possibility, tell those you love that you love them, show kindness to everyone, regardless; know where your nearest hospital is, ensure that your income protection is current, and practice hugging - it takes 20 seconds for the endorphin's to kick in, (according to my source), so don't let go too early, just remember to let go, cause it could be weird.....or not! and be present, be in the moment cause it can all change, within an instant.

A big thank you to my son Ben, who is just the most amazing man and has made this week so much easier.

Baby steps!

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