Sunday 31 August 2014

DSTSS - Who is Amy G Dala?

As i reflect over the past 10 chapters of my book, i certainly have to acknowledge that i have a pretty great life. I am not even bothered by having to sell my house or worried about where i end up living, as i am sure things will be A-OK!  I haven't forgotten all the turmoil that came with the decision that was put upon us, but i am really mindful that i will do whatever it takes to not have a repeat of events that led me to starting this blog.

I think part of my clarity that i feel is to do with my desire to find a good life balance and i shall keep tweaking it to find a place that i neither worry to much about stuff but still know what i need to worry about. It's so important for our mental health to be able to put problems into their rightful place and not to stress over them too much.

What i have been doing is thinking about what i can consciously do to make my life better - both personally and professionally.  I picked up a book that I had read some time ago called "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay.  I am not saying it's the greatest book in the world, but i do find it interesting to think about how when we are born, we are born with no baggage, no experiences and our life becomes shaped by all the positive and negative things we experience.  She talks a lot about how we have the ability to shape our own life through our thoughts and how important it is to forgive and let go of negative experiences and thoughts to to pave a way for us to create a better life. So i am being mindful of this as well.

I was part of a conflict resolution workshop at work this week (not because i needed it but because i helped create it.....not the conflict, but the workshop) - and it touched briefly on our responses to how we deal with real and perceived threats - both physical and emotional.  And wow, it's amazing how we sometimes don't even realise what we are doing to harm ourselves and others when we are confronted with some situations.

We have this little part of our brain called the Amygdala (i will now know her as Amy G Dala) and when we are feeling under threat this part of our brain hijacks the normal pathway that information travels in a rational way and causes us to have a meltdown over something that may not be anything at all.  This meltdown is so detrimental that not only does it fill our body with bad hormones for up to three to four hours making it difficult for us to calm down and think logically, it can cause us to react in an irrational way and it leaves us with feelings of regret of how we dealt with a situation.  If that's what you are feeling inside, then what is the person on the receiving end feeling - they are feeling upset, confused, bewildered and their stress hormones are releasing as well.  But you wouldn't realise, because you can't even see what's happening to yourself.
Why would anyone want to feel like this let alone make another person feel like this as well.  It certainly does stand in the way of living a calm peaceful life.

I've been quite comfortable sharing actual events of my life on my blog, so i think it only fitting that i share this one.

When i was young - probably about 8 or 9, i remember so vividly an event that took place at home.  I put a glass of water near the edge of the dining room table and no sooner had i put it down, but my step father bumped it and it smashed onto the ground.  and i was to blame for that. i remember getting an almighty whack (it was actually more than a whack) cause i had put the glass in the wrong place. well, why the fuck didn't he look where he was putting his hand.  I think his amygdala was well and truly hijacked.  In fact, it was hijacked all the time come to think of it.  Any non-event, big or small would cause him to react in a most unpleasant manner towards anyone who did something that he didn't like.

Why should i or anyone else be the recipient of someone else's inability to see something as less then what it really is.

From the heal your life book, it was good to get an understanding that if we are to let every negative event in our life shape us, then we will continue to be pretty unhappy and not living the life we deserve.

If you find that you react to small and large events in similar ways, then you are probably sweating the small stuff and maybe you need to give your amygdala a hug.  Let it have a rest from being the first point of call for your troubles, cause the day may come when you might just need it for what it's meant for - saving us from true threats. Choose to respond, rather then react, after all, this reaction is just a response from a continual way of your brain doing something.

I know that for me personally, my amygdala was being hijacked all the time, cause i just couldn't cope with the day to day life i was living.  I would react, not respond. And then, i set about change - i learnt to breathe and breathe and breathe and with every relaxing breath, i started to let go of anything that was standing in my way of being a calm and happy person. I made friends with my amygdala and we started to hug and she's still there, but Amy certainly isn't the first thing that greets me when i am faced with a challenging situation - not matter how big or small.

Note to self: The only way to see the future is to create it.  Take the steps to make the change that you want to see in your life. I know for me, i can see exactly where i want to be, and am working towards it - full steam ahead.  Is there something you are doing today, that you can do better tomorrow?

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