Monday, 25 August 2014

DSTSS - we're all in this together

40.  When in doubt about whose turn it is to take out the trash, go ahead and take it out

It's been a while since i have written about my old days as an uptight, stressed miserable person, but today i am going to revisit briefly.

When things are feeling fucked up in your life, it just seems like every trudging thing you have to do to exist is a chore - not a joy.  Gotta do the laundry, gotta clean the house, gotta do the washing, gotta go to work, gotta do so much stuff, even take out the god damn garbage. The feelings that come with the build up of all the drudgery, can easily overshadow the good stuff that we do.

I did feel really annoyed about having to do stuff and when i think about it, it was probably cause it was just me.  I had no-one to help share the load and i was a pretty unhappy person.  Sometimes even my much loved teenager would just go about being a teenager, not being a grown up and pulling his weight.  And then, i remembered, i was a teenager once and an unruly one at that and began to lighten up.

Having a lot of help to get perspective in my life also paved the way for me to become not too bothered by pretty much anything - my mind had no clutter, i was taking out the garbage, i was doing stuff that had to be done regardless of whether someone else should be doing it and i was happy.

It's a really annoying feeling when it seems as though you just keep doing and doing and giving but don't seem to get anything in return.  In this book, there are so many opportunities that we can take to minimise the clutter that clogs our brain and holds us back from living a truly happy and peaceful life.

I love this chapter.  This and number 69 are probably my favourites.  How easy is it to be resentful of all the things we have to do, when we feel that we are the only ones making the effort.

In my house, i cook the most.  I love to cook, I love to cook for me, for my husband for our friends.  I love it.  But some days, i would just love to be the receiver, not the giver.  I don't keep track of my cooking, cause that would be just adding more clutter to my brain, but at times my frustration about having to do this all the time has been the topic of some discussion at home.

My husband is so great and whether he realises it or not, i love that he is the clean, to my mess, he makes the bed each day and puts the pillows on just right, i love that he does the washing when i am at work, i love that he goes outside and does yard work (i freaken hate yard work), i love that he takes the garbage out, i love that he will drop anything to help someone and he can make the fruit bowl look like this and i love that he rubs my feet each night.
I'm sure he loves that there is always a great meal to be had, he can watch sport anytime he likes, he can go and lie in his hammock and listen to his fave podcasts, that i take the garbage out, i clean all the crap out of the fridge, if he needs something from the fridge, its usually stocked up.  It's a 2 way street and it works well for us.  I am a squiggle and he is a straight line.

After 10 years, i am in need of a little help on the cooking front though and i have come up with a plan, cause i don't want to come home one day and feel like that's it, i've done my share of cooking (even though i love it and even though it doesn't matter whose turn it is to take out the metaphorical garbage) and he has agreed totally to my method of madness. We will draw spoons, just like on top chef.  The one i look forward to the most is "us", cause it means we can hangout together and reconnect after what is usually a pretty long day in the office for both of us.
In my crazy world of work, and after-work work, i do sometimes feel a bit of pressure to get a meal on the table while still trying to keep my sanity around the stuff i need to do when i get home and to ensure i keep the clutter from my mind, i don't want to be complaining about it. I came across this pic yesterday and i think is just sums this chapter up perfectly and it's amazing what a difference it makes, when you choose a conscious action, instead of an unconscious one.
Note to self:  It doesn't matter who takes out the garbage, it doesn't matter who does more than someone else, what does matter is that each of us feels like we are appreciated and that if we have to do a little extra one day, that it's okay.  And if you need to come up a with a stunning plan (like the spoons) to take some of the pressure off, then so be it.  Now how the hell do we decide who gets to pick first!!!

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