DSTSS - i'm innocent

36.  See the innocence

When reading this chapter, my mate Dick talks about how when we can learn to see the innocence, we can have big life transformations - cause if we are focussing on all the stuff that other people are doing wrong, then it seems like they are making us miserable and we spend our time being miserable. So why not NOT focus on all that stuff.  Why not just accept and move on.  Why not, cause that would require making conscious choices rather than reactive ones.

There is certainly a theme running through this book, that spins things back on ourselves, and how we choose to react to situations.

I know for me, once i started to understand someone else's story, or give people the benefit of the doubt, or accept that maybe they are having a bad day, or put myself in their place, or just chose not to be bothered by their annoying actions, then things really started to change for me. I became more relaxed, more compassionate, more fun to be around and my world became a better place.

So here is me - a before and after from today.  The before was when i took a fashion snap before i headed off to work.  The after, is when i got home from having some major dental work and i don't really look any different apart form some colorful accessories.



But who could possibly know (apart from the dentist, me and my mouth) what happened to me in that chair. I'll tell you what happened.  I had to have THREE numbing needles with the last one rendering my face so paralysed, that i couldn't close my left eye and had to lie in the chair with a tissue over it so i couldn't see what was happening - because the damn thing wouldn't shut, all while the other eye kept twitching.  So with:

• 3 needles
• being offered the super number which contains Adrenalin, which she said would make my  heart pound (great option for someone who was feeling mildly anxious at that stage)
• face paralysis for over an hour
• the feeling like i was going to pass out
• being tapped on the chin numerous times to check that i hadn't passed out 
• the holding back of tears
• 90 minutes of dentist hell which is going to be a 2 part visit mind you
• the offer of a gold crown on my back tooth (which i am excited about)
• and now, the endless chewing of my numb cheek and tongue...

....you are probably wondering what all this has to do with seeing the innocence.

Well it's quite simple, i look exactly the same in my before and after photo, but anyone i encountered after leaving the dentist would have no idea what just happened, they wouldn't know my story, they wouldn't understand why i didn't feel like smiling or talking when i paid the car park bill (it's because i couldn't), they wouldn't know that i had to pull off the road suddenly as there was a level of discomfort that had beset on me.  I hope that those people saw the innocence! I wasn't being deliberate in my actions to annoy other people, they were just what they were at the time following the dental trauma that i feel is going to get a lot worse once those 3 needles wear off.

Note to self:  Remember that when the dentist says that the worst part is over after they put in the first needle, they are probably trying to let you down gently cause sometimes, that's not the case and she was only doing what she had to do at the time.