Sunday, 6 April 2014

DSTSS - my reflection

I am now 20 chapters through my book about not sweating the small stuff and a couple of things have happened that i feel worth reflecting on.

This book is providing strategies to not sweat the small stuff and to look at how the things we do and say everyday can make a difference to not only our life but to lives of others. In order to do this we have to find a way to let go - but let go of what?  I think we need to let go of anything that could be holding us back from being a more loving, accepting, compassionate, peaceful and kind human being.  It certainly isn't easy, but we have choices everyday as to how we go about living our life, from the first to the last moment of the day.

And just this week, someone close to me commented on my weight and look, i knew right then, i had to let go.  Not let go of the cup cakes, or scones with jam and cream, but to let go of the feeling that came with that comment and the effect it could have on my well-being.  It was really unexpected and hurtful, but if i didn't let it go, i'd probably be still feeling bad about it.

Negativity has such a deflating effect. Our own negative thoughts are bad enough, but the negative things we say to others or they say to us can and does take its toll. If we are on the receiving end of ongoing negativity, it lowers our resilience and empties our life bucket of all the good things it should be full of - the stuff that makes us feel good, helps us to cope and to be a better person.  My bucket used to be so full  to the point of overflowing, i was wading through own positivity and it was contagious. Nothing seemed to phase me.  Actually, nothing does phase me, but my bucket has taken a few hits and it is feeling a little worse for wear.

When my bucket was really full, my work colleagues would always come to me and get some of my energy - which they then went on to call "Janergy" - this has not been trademarked.  The janergy is still there, but i am finding that i have to keep a fair bit for myself now, as i need it.  It made me really happy to know that my energy and positivity is something that people really like about me and it became contagious. When negativity takes its toll, it's bad for everyone.

What i find really scary though, is that for every one negative thing that someone says or does, it takes FIVE positive interactions to get the balance back.  On thinking about this ratio, when we take five things from our life bucket, every time we have a bad interaction with someone, then our life bucket is going to empty pretty quickly and if it isn't being refilled, then it's going to take more effort to make things better.  When this happens, life is not very happy and I don't want to be responsible for helping empty someone else's life bucket. I'd rather see people wading through their overflowing life bucket, like i did. And if it's so full, you have plenty to share.
I've now physically started a life bucket - which as you can see is not a bucket, but it will do. It looks pretty empty, but as i only have this very moment in life, then i can choose to work on it right now. I plan on reporting back on how it is when i have finished the book.

One thing that happened since my last little reflection is that i do feel different. Someone who reads my blog asked if it was making a difference and on thinking about this, it has, I am gaining perspective, I am reminding myself of what's important and i feel better.  I remember coming home one afternoon this week and feeling a peace that I had not felt for a long time - even though there's been turmoil all around. 

And that brings me to the next thing that happened.  I was talking to my husband a few weeks back about what it means to feel peace and i really struggled to explain the feeling of peace.  i know what it feels like, but how do you explain it....

I remember when i was really young, i got caught by a wave on the shoreline, and i tumbled, and turned and held my breath waiting for the wave to finally release me so i could get back to safety of shore before another one hit. It's a feeling that isn't nice.  It's pretty scary and you probably don't go out of your way to want to experience it again.  It never left me fearful of the water, but it did remind me to check the surf conditions before taking a swim. That is not what peace feels like and that's how i can explain what it feels like to feel imbalance in your life.

For me, this picture sums up peace. The peace i used to feel all the time, is like I am floating in a calm ocean, i feel relaxed, nothing feels heavy, i am just going with the flow.  It doesn't matter that the clear sky has made way for a massive storm, cause i feel good regardless and i know what to do to prepare for the storm to ensure i am okay.
If you feel like you are living a life that can be compared to a rough surf, then maybe it's time seek calmer waters or at least waters that have small enough waves so they don't require a lot of energy to deal with.

I know it might sound like a weird analagy, but our body is made of mostly water, so for me it makes sense to liken my feelings to that of the ocean.  Do i want my life bucket to be pounded by heavy waves, do i want the water that flows through my body to by racing and not reaching all the parts of me that it needs to in order to feel good and just like the shoreline, do i want my body eroded and eaten away by the pounding surf that does ongoing damage to everything around it. 

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