Monday 13 March 2017

Day 12. The subconscious mind solution

Leverage the power of your subconscious mind

Over the past two weeks, i have been planting little seeds in my mind to grow a new alcohol free life garden. When i was at bunnings with my mum the other night i fell in love with these and asked her whether they were something i could kill.......YES she said. Pffft I wasn't even going to comtemplate sneaking one into the trolley.  She would have sniffed it out in a flash.
I always bang on about what a shit gardener i am, but i have only managed to kill one of my plants in 12 months. A couple have been to intensive care but the survival rate has been good. So I guess just like my balcony garden, i need to plant the right seeds in my mind garden to ensure it grows in a way that is healthy and continues to thrive. So if cyclamens aren't going to survive, then that's okay, because there are others that will and that's the same with thoughts and beliefs i have in my mind. Some just don't need to be planted.
The garden of my mind is thriving in many ways and it got me wondering today why i am not tapping into the power of my mind even more and in particular the subconscious part.   For as long as i remember, i have been a dreamer and i am talking about dreams that give me insight, predict events, dreams where i wake up having the okay, i get it moment, where i have woken up and had emotional problems that had been weighing on my mind just vanish, because the solution came to me in a dream.. Plus i have always had a weird sixth sense that has been with me for most of my life.

I have shared on an older blog about the time i didn't take a dvd back to the store years ago and my mum got really angry at me for not doing it on my way home. I told her i couldn't do it, i had to go straight home.  I had this overwhelming feeling of sickness and i just had to get home, no detours, no stopping off for a late night gelato, but straight home.  Once home i felt fine, however my mother in her annoyance at me, drove to the video store only to find it had been held up and there were police everywhere. Had i detoured, i probably would have been right in the middle of the incident.  She rang and said that it was meant to be that i didn't do that task. Was that my subconsicous guiding and looking out for me or a more spiritual intervention?

Anyhow whatever that moment was, it was an example of something that was beyond my conscious thoughts. Much of our behaviour is due to our subconscious programming and so to be able to reach the goal of becoming alcohol free, I have to dig up parts of that current garden that isn't being fruitful and plant new seeds. I do wonder if my subconsicous mind would be sharing more insights if i didn't go to bed each night having had a few glasses of wine. I guess only time will tell. Whatever we consciously and repeatedly think about, along with strong emotions will reprogram our subconscious, the part of the mind where most of our automated actions and beliefs are stored.

So how will my garden grow after today with our theme of tapping into our subconscious mind. We learn that 80% of our beliefs about love, security, learning and sometimes even drinking are shaped and super-glued into our subconsicous by the time we are nine. We are learning to unglue many of these and replace new ones and learn that 95% of our behaviour occurs without us even being aware of it.  Our subconsicous life recording is being reprogrammed and we learn to say "no to no", whereby our subconscious filters out negative words such as "won't", "not" or "don't", so ongoing, we have to use words such as "I will", "I am" etc.  This garden has a lot going on.  Out with the old plants, and in with the new.

So what was on my action list of seeds to plant today?

Action 1. Reprogram yourself for success before bed
I got this, cause there is nothing else happening in the bedroom, so when in bed, take 5 minutes to visualise all of my goals, dreams and desires, including thriving-in-sobriety goals.  This will help reprogram my subconscious.  Imagine what you will see, hear and feel while doing this.  Believe it. 

Action 2. Complete the guided recordings
Complete or revisit all the guided recording thus far to assist with the reprogramming. Fuck, now i sound like have been in a cult.

Action 3. Identify your subconsious drinking links.
when are the times, places and emotional states (happy, sad, angry, bored) that i was in when i used to have alcohol.

They were happy times - parties, with friends, cooking, eating, celebrating.  I can't recall any particular emotion that seemed to be of note for why and when i had alcohol.

A while after i had journaled about this, i had the strangest emotion/memory/feeling that occurred.  i was in the kitchen cleaning up and really felt like i should be having glass of wine (habit) and i got to thinking about if there is any correlation between being in the kitchen and alcohol and FLASH - i had this recall of my mother and father arguing in the kitchen when i was really small.  It would have been about 1972.  I would have been about six. I just had an association of the kitchen being a place where there were so many bad memories of my parents during my childhood. My father being drunk, angry and aggressive and on speaking to my mum about this, she shared some other stories, but this was the one that i recall as being the most profound. I remember him throwing things and it being really frightening and shocking.  Why did i have this really profound memory?  I'm sitting on that one for a minute, so i can determine if it's a plant or a weed....

So how are the seeds growing today?
I woke feeling tired, but i have been to bed pretty late recently for days in a row
i'm doing everything with much more clarity and passion
6.30pm i had that WTF moment above
9.30pm just had dinner, but i am actually not really feeling hungry, but i am feeling really great overall.
so you must be wondering why there is a big bowl of ice-cream given i said i wasn't hungry, well it's because i am having comfort food.....well, not really, i am just having a big bowl of ice-cream but i have had a bit of an epiphany (i always wanted a daughter). It just occurred to me that one of my formative memories of love relationships were with alcohol fueled aggression, between a really strong woman (my mother) and a man who treated her pretty fucking badly for many years when he drank - gee, that sounds familiar - and the few men of note in my life have drank heavily and treated me badly. go fucking figure. I know this is psychiatry 101, but that little weed just sprouted in my mind garden and it's about to get a spray of roundup so it never bothers my garden again cause that isn't the type of love i want or deserve in my life. That isn't the experience i signed up for. This is not a debbie downer moment, this is an amazing moment, that explains so much to me. I love it.  I am going to sleep amazing tonight and wake with a new found freedom. now wouldn't Dr Sigismund Schlomo Freud be impressed with this i am going to finish my cup of tea and go an have an amazing sleep. goodnight.

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