Saturday 7 June 2014

DSTSS - I'm all out of whoopass

30. Choose your battles wisely

I just don't understand the reasoning behind why people argue about "small stuff".  In fact, i don't understand why people feel the need to argue about anything.....period!  Is there really anything so big in this world that can't be sorted out without having harsh words that cause damage to the relationships with those around us? 

I remember a long long time ago, i was caught in a mediation between two women who worked for me. One was very passive and wasn't out to intentionally cause problems, and the other was a women who believed that she should have been more than what she was - even to the point of telling people that she had a job that wasn't really was mine!  The advice i got before going into this little discussion, was to not take things personally and to only focus on what the problem was.  What fantastic advice that is.  I can't remember who told me that, but it's a reminder still that all too often things can blow out of proportion and often it's not because of what the problem is, it's because of what our problem is. And sometimes, the problem we think we have, can be something that isn't even related to what you think you are irritated about.

I sat in this room and listened to these women say terrible things about each other and me and all i could think of was to not take it personally and i didn't and i walked away feeling good about myself, having learned a life lesson that has stuck with me and been reinforced when i have faced challenges.

Fast forward to the 21st century and this is still one of the best beliefs i have. Choose your battles wisely......sure, there's stuff that irritates me and before i open my mouth or that can of whoopass - i ask myself a couple of things.
1. in the bigger picture of life, is this problem really worth making a big deal out of?
2. in the bigger picture of life, is this problem really worth making a big deal out of?

If the answer to both is No, then let it go.

All of this not sweating the small stuff, does really require practice and a conscious choice. If you do have to have that difficult discussion then how much nicer is to feel okay at the end of it when it's done respectfully.
If having an argument is all about hearing your own voice, showing how big your ego is or needing to be bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, louder and right about everything even if it's something that may not be worth the effort involved then maybe it's time to do a priority check.
Note to self:   Be a lover, not a fighter. If you can manage to throw in a good dose of humour then it might just make that difficult moment easier, if not ridiculous.

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