Tuesday, 25 March 2014

DSTSS The olive branch

15.  Be the first one to act loving or reach out

Well, some of these chapters have really hit some sensitive spots with me as i have been going through "Don't sweat the small stuff" and this chapter is one that i never expected to be paying so much attention to.

When i started working through all my adult teething problems, all those years ago, I spent a lot of time thinking about my relationships with people and having had some conflict with family members, decided that the best way to live a more peaceful life was to develop a more calm demeanor.  Being calm means that you can navigate most difficult situations without them becoming bigger then they need to be and potentially having people not want to speak to you.  Yep, i had periods of time where i had conflict with people over stupid things and stubbornness took centre stage and ultimately someone had to either agree to disagree, or say sorry, or just let time work its magic.  I had in fact, told people that i love that i never wanted to speak to them again.  Wow, what a ninny i was to think i could go through life like that.  But, i was feeling angry, hurt, and was prepared to put those things above being happy.

When you have experienced great calmness and joy in life, it's really hard to adjust to a place that feels unhappy and antsy. Again, it's the energy that's required just to keep on living that way, that takes away from living a life that's positive and joyful.  And I am now feeling that calmness and joy isn't the main focus of my day. (no pity party here, just an opportunity to make change)

I never thought I would ever find myself in a place where things were so difficult.

Well, in my house at present there is conflict and it sucks.  I find that the worst way to deal with conflict is by adding more conflict to the already bubbling pot. it's just adding to the problem, not helping to fix the problem. And the more that gets added (even if it's something small or something you think wouldn't make any difference) it just keeps the momentum going towards destruction.

Through a series of events that have got way out of control, there is pain and a bit of suffering for those i love and to be honest, i don't know what else to do, but to keep being the person who isn't being petty, who understands people's positions (without having to take sides) and to carry on being caring, respectful and graceful, no matter how much it is hurting me on the inside or how much i may have my own opinions of the circumstances.

Handing out an olive branch can be really hard, when we don't believe we are in the wrong, but not handing out an olive branch isn't the answer either - those problems go around in our head and our stomach churns, we feel awful and the relationships become more damaged and sometimes to a point of no return. When it gets that far, it's hard to turn back and you then have to work on forgiveness and humility as well.
Peace love and happiness.......Is it cliche - yes!  but does it make a difference - fuck yes!

Note to self:  don't let the small problem become so big that it causes relationships to break down.  Hand out the olive branch - if it's not received well, go find a bigger one and hand that out. It may not always work, but at least you can go forward knowing that an effort has been made on your part, even if the other person can't bring themselves to grab hold of the branch. 

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