Saturday, 29 March 2014

DSTSS - Choose Life

17.  Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair

Woe is me, life isn't fair, boo hoo!  Actually, that's not how i feel at all.  I think life is really fair, and it's all about choices.

This chapter talks about how life isn't fair and how we can spend our life or our time or even our life time blaming "life" for all our problems. 

For whatever reason, from a younger age, i decided that life is what it is and it's how you go about it that makes a difference. (even with all the stuff that seemed to be thrown at me), i could still see beyond what was happening and try not to blame.  That's a hard thing to learn not to do - when it's so easy to blame something or someone else for all your problems.

I didn't think that life was fair because my parents divorced
I didn't think that life was fair that i went to about 9 different schools and was only asked to leave one
i didn't think life was fair that i didn't really and still don't have a relationship with my father
i didn't think life was fair when i had to endure daily panic attacks that impacted on my life
I didn't think life was fair that i had straight hair instead of curly, blond instead of black
i didn't think life was fair because of so many things that happened

i didn't think life was fair that - blah blah blah blah blah, but i accepted that it was what it was and just got on with it. Even now, i don't think it's fair that my hair's going grey instead of blond or black or that i need glasses to read what used to be normal print and that granny pants go so much better with my muffin tops, but it is what it is. And i draw the line at ever owning a pair of spanx.

This all looks pretty fucked, up, but hey, i am sure i am not the only one whose life has a been a roller coaster ride.

i certainly didn't think it was fair i was divorced at 23, leaving me as a single working mum who was angry at my husband for choosing something else in life other than me and our family. In fact, he didn't even choose another woman or man for that matter, But that's life....
Fast forward to 2012 - a life time away from that 23 year old girl who felt that life sucked. None of that stuff matters that i could of held on to and blamed life for. It makes me really happy to know that my son can be in the company of both his parents, even if it is in a phone box, and it's not a shit fight, that we can joke around, have a meal together and do what a lot of divorced people can't seem to do - truly put their kids first and find happiness within. It didn't happen overnight, in fact, it was really hard to get through some tough time, but it did happen. It makes me even more happy to know that my relationship with my son is really strong and we just love to hang out together.

Deciding not to blame life and having all of these life building experiences, helped me and helped me to understand what other people might be going through and feel more compassion.  Everyone has a life story and it's the actions we take to rise above our problems that can bring happiness and kindness to us and others. If i had of decided to blame life's unfairness, I don't think my life would be as good as it has been.

Even right at this moment when it seems to be another "what the fuck" kind of day and week, i choose not to blame the unfairness of life.

Note to self:   I choose life (just like George Michael from Wham did) and i choose to accept what is happening and wait for the tide to turn. But unlike George Michael from Wham who eventually chose 'cottaging'  (yep look it up if you have to) and got nabbed, by an undercover cop when it all became a cock up I choose not to blame....

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